TUCK, WE MISS YA’

 

Has the Tuck found a new home?
Be a shame if his profile
Is permanently lowered
He’s a prime example
Of far-right insanity
And thus those in the middle
Would be deprived
Of his unintended comedy

DEBT LIMIT DANCE

 

By two votes the House passed
The Republican debt limit increase
Which tied raising the limit
To substantial spending decrease
 
House Republicans thus served a screamer
Into the Dem’s court
Can the Dems return the serve
With a defensible retort?
 
The goal now for each side
Is to make the other look the loser
Admitting to a compromise?
Not the desired political maneuver

GERIATRIC ZOO

 

Eighty year-old Joe
Is running for reelection
His Republican opponent will likely be
A seventy-six year-old bundle of corruption
 
Is that what American politics have come to?
Meanderings in a geriatric zoo?
 
Remember when Presidents were
Sometimes young and energetic
Kennedy, Clinton, Obama for example
They weren’t perfect but
Mental deterioration was not a gamble

SAYONARA TUCKER

 

We’re gonna miss you, Tuck
Your lack of charisma
Your distortion of facts
Your xenophobia
Your conspiracy theories
Your far-right propaganda
 
Was it the Dominion litigation revelations?
The criticism of Fox management?
The bad-mouthing of the Orange Hoax?
The toxic workplace?
The M&M jokes?
 
Sean, Maria, Laura
And other Fox commentators
Are wondering who might be next
On the down escalators

CHALLENGE FOR KEVIN

 

Can Kevin get the House in order
To pass the necessary legislation
Ensuring financial stability
And avoiding economic disruption?
 
Or is his party so chaotic
That Democrats will be required
To work with the few sane Republicans
In keeping the economy unimpaired?

AFFABLE HE’S NOT

 

The consensus is growing
Ron DeSantis is a jerk
De minibus political skills
The personality of
A disgruntled underpaid clerk
 
Even some Florida politicians
Are giving him the slip
Not wanting to go
Down with his ship
 
Labelling everything woke
Is being antiestablishment to an extreme
Declaring war on Mickey Mouse
Is quite an odd scheme

UNCERTAIN SUPREMES

 

The Supremes stayed the lower courts’
Overreaching abortion rights restrictions
Apparently to the irritation
Of Justices Thomas and Alito
Who prefer the nation remain
In a high state of frustration and aggravation

RAPID UNSCHEDULED DISASSEMBLY

 

Elon Musk’s SpaceX
Described Starship’s soon-after-launch explosion
As “rapid unscheduled disassembly”
Certainly a colorful description
 
Which also could be applied
To Elon’s dismantling of Twitter
The social media behemoth
That he is proceeding to neuter

FOX NOT OUT OF THE WOODS

 

A 2.7 billion dollar lawsuit by Smartmatic
Still hangs over the Fox empire
So maybe the nation
Might still have the opportunity
To see Rupert, Tucker, Sean, and company
Squirming on the stand
Trying to explain their apparent hostility
To the legal and moral foundations
Of democracy

FOX ADMITS GUILT

 

Darn
The nation won’t get to see
Tucker, Sean, and company
Squirming on the stand
Trying to explain their network’s dishonesty
 
But the payment of
A whopping amount of moolah
Is most definitely an admission of guilt
And not an exuberant victorious “Hallelujah”

KEVIN IS CONFUSED

 

House Speaker Kevin McCarthy
At a location that seems strange
Presented his debt limit non-plan
The location being the New York Stock Exchange
 
Kevin, you realize of course
That the Stock Exchange is not
Part of the national governing process
It’s just a place for money to squat

COOL DUDE WANNABE

 

I know a government secret
If I reveal it to you
Would I be a cool dude?
Is that what cool dudes do?
 
Cool dudes club membership
Is my goal
Cool dudes are the ones
Who are in control
 
It’s against the law you say?
Who gives a crap
Legality is just
An old fogy’s jockstrap

SUPREMES THOUGHT THEY WERE DONE

 

The Supremes will once again
Address the abortion conundrum
Hampered by the obvious hostility
And predominant religion
Of the majority
 
The majority probably thought
They could return the issue to the states
But for what probably won’t be the last time
It’s back on their plates

MTG DEFENDS ACCUSED DOC THIEF

Marjorie Taylor Greene
Rushed to the defense
Of the National Guard Airman
Accused of a classified documents offense
 
Marjorie said he was
“White, male, Christian, and antiwar”
And thus an enemy
Of the Joe Biden corps
 
So Majorie reveals
Where her allegiance lies
Not to her country
But to the extreme fringe
Of the MAGA political party

ANTI-ABORTION PRO-GUN

 

Anti-abortion pro-gun
Quite a mix for a political party
Thanks to the Supreme Court and the NRA
The GOP has
A wrong-side-of-the-issue monopoly
 
If you’re a bona fide conservative
Believing in small government
And fiscal restraint
The GOP no longer wants you
It wants an intrusive autocratic state

OUT OF HIS DEPTH

 

Congressman Jim Jordan
Is having trouble adjusting
From being a rowdy outsider
With little in the way of power
To Chairman of a Committee
With responsibilities aplenty
 
Maybe if he put on a coat
It would create some gravitas
And save him for appearing
As somewhat of an ignoramus

AI AS REPLACEMENT FOR GOP

 

Artificial intelligence
Is the latest frightening thing
Warnings are proliferating
About the evils it could bring
 
On the other hand
Look at the mess
Us humans have wrought
If AI could replace the GOP
The world might be less distraught

WHERE BE PUTIN?

 

What’s Vladimir doing these days?
Is he still in power?
In recent photos he’s looking
Pretty glum and sour
 
He’s most likely hoping his buddy
The Odious Orange Autocrat
Returns to the Presidency
Then maybe he can get his war
Back on track

SMOKED BY GOOFY

 

Goofy smacked Ron DeSantis down
That’s Goofy as in the Disney clown
If DeSantis gets smoked by Goofy
On a Florida wayside
How’s he gonna handle the competition
When it’s nationwide?

TOO MANY FOOTBALL CONCUSSIONS

 

Tuberville of Alabama
Former football coach and now a Senator
Is holding up military promotions
Because of his anti-abortion agenda
 
Tommy T has zero military experience
Or a defense policy background
What he knows is football
About military personnel or policy matters
He knows close to nothing at all
 
But he’s willing to disrupt
The nation’s military structure
For his anti-abortion agenda
From which there is apparently no departure

TENNESSEE RUMBLE

 

The Tennessee Republican House reacted
To a mass school shooting
Not by a gun banning
But by expelling
Two Black legislators
For protesting
 
One might conclude
A bit of an overreaction
But overreaction is certainly preferable
To seriously considering gun regulation

KEVIN McCARTHY DIPLOMAT?

 

House Speaker Kevin McCarthy
Is engaged in serious diplomacy
Meeting with the President of Taiwan
Isn’t this beyond his competency?
 
Let’s face the fact
Kevin's no intellectual whiz
He can’t even produce a budget
In delicate, sensitive foreign relations
He has no biz

HOAX’S BIG DAY

 

The Orange Hoax let us down
No courtroom drama
He scowled and sulked
And then scurried back to Florida
 
Where he tried to make up
For his earlier reticence
By rehashing grievances
On and on with little relevance
 
The prosecutor’s legal theory
Is a bit obtuse and murky
A misdemeanor records alteration
Becomes a felony when
In furtherance of a felonious intention
 
This may be accurate law
But in the political theater
It’s way over the head
Of MAGA’s lowest common denominator

CUFF ME, PLEASE

 

The authorities probably won’t cuff him
So the Orange Hoax should bring his own
The photo op is too compelling
To have the moment go wanting
 
It’s better than a rally
Which only Fox “News” would carry
The ratings for this event
Could be astronomically hairy
 
Don’t want to waste the opportunity
On nickel and dime stuff
Show the world he’s the man
An hombre rough and tough
 
So do not let us down, Hoax
Put on a show
Sock ‘em in the eye
Make the fur fly
Cause babies to cry

NO PUBLIC URINATION IN COLORADO?

 

Representative Lauren Boebert is against
Pee pee in public
Which is apparently the kind of thing
That happens in a banana republic
 
She went close to berserk
In a Congressional hearing
Accusing a DC official of
Condoning public urination
 
In her rural Colorado district
Where the deer and the antelope play
Is there no outdoor urination
Not even on a holiday?
 
Or in every nook and cranny
In the wide open spaces
is there a well-maintained porta potty
Maybe close to
A wayward cow patty?

BANANA REPUBLIC

 

According to Republican politicians
With the indictment of
The Giant Orange Bore
The nation has become
A banana republic for sure
 
But the nation earned
Banana republic status
In 2016 when the Electoral College chose
A morally corrupt Potus

POUTY REPUBLICANS

 

Pouty Republican leaders
Are putting on quite a charade
Pretending to truly care about
Coming to the Orange Hoax’s aid
 
When in reality their concern
Is maintaining their own standing
With the MAGA rabble
So their political lives avoid tanking

INDICTMENT

 

No indictment until
The end of April
That’s the word tonight. . .
 
OOPS! BREAKING NEWS!
 
Orange Hoax indicted!
Who woulda thunk it?
First criminal charges ever
Against a former President
Is this the future?
Hope it’s not a precedent
 
How will MAGAs and Republicans
Handle this event?
Is the nation in for another Jan 6?
Or will it return to lively
But comparatively peaceful politics?

ARMAGEDDON OR THE APOCALYPSE

 

The Orange Hoax’s campaign platform:
Armageddon or the Apocalypse
I will bring on Armageddon
To prevent the Apocalypse
Or maybe it’s bring on the Apocalypse
To prevent Armageddon
In any case vote for me
And we’ll all go down
In a blaze of glory

ANTI-WOKE TEACHING

 

What can teachers teach
In an anti-woke nation?
That there was no slavery in America
Just an influx of African emigration
 
That the so-called Civil War
Was just an exhilarating event
With blue states on one side
And grey states on the other
The outcome being a mutual agreement
 
That the birds and the bees
Are best left alone
When the critters get aroused
They can make you groan
 
That Govs DeSantis and Youngkin
Are first-class educators
Also outstanding creators, administrators
And most definitely not exaggerators

BARBARIAN RELIGION

 

Another mass shooting in America
A nation that worships the gun
Such a religion would have appealed to
Barbarians like Attila the Hun
 
Modern-day assault weapons
Should not enjoy the protection
Of the Second Amendment’s archaic wording
Which was adopted at a time
When “Arms” meant ye ol’ flintlock
And only wars had mass shooting

DAVID’S JUNK

  

Parental complaints at a Florida school
Cost a principal her position
She hadn’t given parents the required notification
Prior to a presentation
On Michelangelo’s sculpture of David
Naked with nothing left to the imagination
 
You have to be a real prude
To say no to cultural history
Or maybe the protestors

Werent prudes at all
But people who thought Michelangelo
Had sculpted David’s junk too small

WRONGED OR BETRAYED

 

Once again the Orange Hoax
Has captured the essence of his base
Those feeling “wronged or betrayed”
View the Hoax as their ace
 
Speaking Saturday in Texas
The Hoax called himself
“Your warrior” and “your justice”
If returned to the 1600 Penn Ave location
he would become “your retribution”

SELF BEFORE COUNTRY

 

The Orange Hoax ups the anti
Personally attacking the Manhattan DA
Threatening “potential death and destruction”
Implicitly putting lives in play
 
Rarely has an American politician
Shown such self-infatuation
And hatred for the nation
As the loquacious Orange Hoax
In his attempts at restoration

PLAY WITH HIS MIND

 

What prosecutors should do
Regarding the Orange Hoax
Is continue high-profile investigating
But never do any charging
 
The Hoax would be driven bonkers
And maybe to a medical collapse
That would remove him from the stage
And put the nation back on track, perhaps

THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING HIM

Another day, no arrest
The Orange Hoax is getting furious
He wants his moment of total attention
A moment he would find marvelous
 
Forty-four Presidents have preceded him
And not one was arrested
He’ll go down in history
His legacy not likely to be tested

NOT ARRESTED YET?

 

The Orange Hoax promised
He would be arrested Tuesday
Maybe he should just drive to the jail
And demand to be put away
 
He so much wants
To appear the victim
Believing this would motivate
The loyal MAGA base
To restore his American Caliphate

PLEASE RIOT, PLEASE

 

The Orange Hoax so much wants
A second insurrection
It would prove in his mind that he remains
A magnificent national obsession
 
He’s in effect telling his MAGAs
“Please run amuck
Riot, pillage, and plunder
Leave the nation thunderstruck”

TO THE RESCUE

 

One Swiss bank, UBS
Has moved to rescue another,
Credit Swisse
Will this restore financial bliss
Or is the world still tottering
On the edge of an abyss?
 
Don’t ask Ron DeSantis or the Orange Hoax
They're too busy ferreting out woke
Real world problems
Make them choke

HE WANTS TO BE ARRESTED

 

The Orange Hoax says
He expects an arrest
He wants his worshipers
To publicly massively protest
 
Thus he’s turning to
The only success of his Administration
And that was instigating
A mob insurrection

SANTOS UPDATE

 

How’s George getting along?
Apparently pretty swell
Giving speeches in Congress
Serving his constituents well
 
So is that it
For a couple of years
George pretending to be a Congressman
Republicans pretending he’s not theirs?

MARCH MADNESS

 

The ‘Hoos went one and done
Thus not prolonging the agony
And enabling their fans
To return to their apathy
 
That’s the great thing about
Your team taking an early out
You can then enjoy the tournament
Without any further emotional wipeout

TURN BACK THE CLOCK

 

Is return to 1930s isolationism
What DeSantis and friends want?
C’mon Ron, it’s 2023
What happens over there
Affects life over here
Or haven’t you heard about
That Internet thingy in gear

ELON MUSK HAVING FUN

 

Twitter apparently played a central role
In the Silicon Valley Bank run
So was the situation little more
Than Elon Musk having a bit of fun?
 
Maybe this is just the beginning
Of Twitter-aided panics
The possibilities are endless
Rumors, conspiracies, all varieties of fanatics

BANKING GIBBERISH

 

Cryptocurrency fans are saying
“We told you so”
Cryptocurrency skeptics are saying
“Take your funny money and go”
 
Who really understands
How the banking system functions?
The system fundamentally depends on
Maintaining consumer consumptions
Assumptions, presumptions, and delusions
 
In other words
The functioning of the banking system
Rests on intangibles
Which resist precise description
But are not expendables

POLITICIANS LICK THEIR CHOPS

 

Silicon Valley Bank in California
Went belly-up big-time
Will non-insured depositors
Have to lose their dime?
 
Whoa! Big-time bank failure
Means big-time political issue
Politicians right and left
Are licking their chops
Looking to pull out
All the rhetorical stops

TYPING PAPER

 

In an old box
Up in the attic
Found something called “Typing Paper”
Vaguely familiar
But couldn’t quite place it
 
And then the mental fog
Began to lift
Many decades ago, typing class
Sitting between Karen and Nancy
Hoping I wouldn’t pass gas

Pecking away at a rudimentary beast

Called a typewriter

Most of which are now deceased

CAN THE CENTER HOLD?

 

Far-right Republicans are myopically attached
To low taxes and deficit spending control
Far-Left Democrats are myopically attached
To an ending inequities goal
Without a functioning political center
The clash of the extremes could throw
The economy into a toilet bowl
 
Thus the nation approaches
The budgetary season
Which will prevail
Chaos or the rule of reason?

TUCKER MAKES WAR DOCUMENTARY

 

Tucker is selecting film

For a documentary on war
With the goal of showing
It’s nothing to abhor
And really quite a bore
 
There are soldiers in a mess hall
  Having evening chow
An engineer doing roadwork
  Riding a big plow
A clerk in an office
  Displaying computer know-how
Visiting entertainers
  Causing the troops to wow
And a soldier’s pet kitty
  Going meow
 
Yes, war is not that bad
Tucker certainly knows
He’s watched McHale’s Navy, Gomer Pyle
And similar TC shows

KEVIN AND TUCKER

 

Kevin and Tucker
Have become media targets
Two-faced and two-tongued
They are ideal comic subjects
 
Could Kevin be remembered
As the most inept Speaker in history?
Could Tucker’s contribution be
A negative turn in Fox’s legacy?

FOX, FOR NEWS YOU LIKE

 

Fox needs a new slogan
Downplaying their portrayal
As a news organization
And highlighting their emphasis
On prejudicial presentation
 
Turn to Fox
If unhappy with the news
Our prejudicial presentation
Will chase away your blues
 
Tucker, Sean, Laura
Hop on the bandwagon
Don’t pretend anymore
That bias and bigotry
Aren’t what your followers adore

WHEELS OF JUSTICE

 

In a world where almost everything
Is operating at warp speed
One area seems
To have missed the call
The wheels of justice turn slowly
Sometimes seemingly not at all
When will the Orange Hoax and George Santos
Feel the hammer of justice fall?

WANNABE PRESIDENTS

 

Apparently a necessary step
For wannabes seeking the Presidency
Is to produce a book
With gravitas and seriousness aplenty
 
Notice “produce” rather than “write”
Because such works are mostly
The outcome of collaboration
Between the wannabe and writers
Who pen most of the presentation
 
Ron DeSantis has the latest effort
By a presidential wannabe
Give it a read if you must
Think I’ll stick to the TV

QUESTIONS

 

Is Joe too old
To be President?
Is the Orange Hoax too criminally inclined
To return as White House resident?
 
Is Jim Jordan too dense
For a weaponization committee?
Is Marjorie Taylor Greene too mentally challenged
To live in a big city?
 
Are MAGA Republicans too belligerent
To participate in a democracy?
Are Republicans in general too diverse
To be a political party?
 
Has the Electoral College
Become an anachronism?
Is so,
Would the necessary Constitutional Amendment
Ever make it through
Red state antagonism?

HOOS WELCOME LIZ

 

Liz Cheney’s new gig
Is at the U of V
Involving research, teaching
And in her words participating
“In other University” activity
 
Once upon a time
The U of V was
A party school extraordinaire
A la the movie Animal House
So Liz, are you prepared
To let down your hair
And dance the dirty dog
At a Wahoo weekend fair?
(At least Kevin and Marjorie
Won’t be there)

WOKE AND PROUD OF IT

 

Cranky is woke
And proud to be in the queue
What is woke?
Don’t have a clue
But look at the crowd
condemning things as woke
Most of them
Belong in a zoo

CLEANING UP THE MESS

 

Thirty thousand truck loads
Of Ohio toxic waste
Is looking for a home
Does your state have any space?
 
Say a big empty area
Mostly dust and dirt
With no humans or wildlife
Or bugs that could get hurt

AI CHATBOT

 

Did AI Chatbot
Produce this verse?
Or was it Cranky the human
Being perverse
 
If you find it entertaining
It was obviously Cranky
If you find it gibberish
It was the Chatbot obviously