FACEBOOK KNOWS ALL ABOUT YOU

So, how are you and Facebook getting along? You still think it is a benign organization out to kumbaya the world?

Actually, it may be out to erode your privacy down to zilch, or maybe zilch minus.

You want evidence? On March 22 of this year--a little over two weeks ago--the obscure Patent Trial and Appeal Board (PTAB) of the U.S. Patent Office issued a decision regarding a patent application Facebook filed back in 2011. The application concerned a method "for tracking information about the activities of users of a social networking system while on another domain."

Ponder that: Facebook wanted a patent for tracking your activities WHILE YOU WERE ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET. Big Brother going exponential is another way of describing it.

The good news is that the patent application was denied by the Patent Examiner, and the denial was affirmed (in part) by the PTAB. The bad news is that Facebook does not need a patent to track your activities elsewhere on the Internet. A patent would have been nice, but not necessary.

Incidentally, the PTAB decision was Ex Parte Schoen, issued on March 22, 2018.

Congressional Committees, when you meet with Mark Z. this week, you might want to bring this up.

CADET BONE SPURS WOULD'A CHARGED!

Cadet Bone Spurs, recipient of five draft deferments back in his youth, has proclaimed that if he had been present at the Florida High School shooting, he would have charged into the building, even if he didn't have a weapon.

Well, it's a shame the nation didn't have him on the front lines during that war of his youth. He undoubtedly would have single-handedly dispatched many Commies and inspired his fellow soldiers to great acts of mayhem. Yes, Cadet Bone Spurs would have been a wonder.

Which is why he deserves the parade he is planning to honor himself with. If anyone in our nation's history deserved a parade, Cadet Bone Spurs is that one.

While at it, he maybe should give himself a few medals for the bravery that most certainly would have been. A Congressional Medal of Honor might be overdoing it, but few would begrudge him a couple of Silver Stars or so.

And since his is a family Presidency, maybe some Bronze Stars for Ivanka, Jared, Eric, and Junior. Their Greatness certainly warrants recognition. Oh, and Melania also. If anyone deserves a medal, it is she. 

TIME TO AMEND THE SECOND AMENDMENT

The time has come to amend the Second Amendment to the United States Constitution. The effort to bring a rational, technologically modern interpretation to its archaic words has been stymied by the absolutist stance of its fervid supporters, who constitute a minority of the population. Those supporters have raised gun ownership from a legal right to a bulwark against societal change. And citizens are dying as a result, some accidentally, some on purpose. Gun ownership has become a way to express a political viewpoint, a viewpoint that sees not opponents but enemies.

“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

Twenty-seven words. Written more than two centuries ago. What were “Arms” in 1791 when the Second Amendment, as part of the Bill of Rights, was ratified? Muzzle-loaded flint-lock muskets and pistols. Single shot. Two to three rounds per minute.

And what is this “well regulated Militia” jazz? The only groups around today that call themselves “militias” are certainly not well regulated. Moreover, instead of “being necessary to the security of a free State,” they are often sanctuaries for the disturbed and threats to more peaceful citizens.

So what should a modern Second Amendment protect? Reasonable gun ownership by qualified, mentally healthy individuals. Weapons of war, including automatic rifles, should not be in the hands of private citizens. Nor should hand grenades or shoulder-launched rockets. Legislatures should have leeway to define what are “arms,” who may own “arms,” who may not own “arms,” and where “arms” may be possessed or carried.

Is “reasonable gun ownership by qualified, mentally healthy individuals” a clear-cut standard? Certainly not. And ever-changing technology will pose a constant challenge to legislatures and enforcers. But the current environment in which words that describe tangible objects from a bygone era are held sacrosanct is absurd. The Constitution, particularly the first Ten Amendments (the Bill of Rights), is largely about intangibles—freedom of speech and the press, no law respecting an establishment of religion, protection from “unreasonable searches and seizures.” In this great document, the Second Amendment is an anomaly. It is about hardware that now exists only in museums. It should be updated with a “reasonableness” standard.

MORE THINGS THE DONALD DOESN'T DO

A few readers who obviously do not have the proper level of respect for our  President have offered some more things that are foreign to him. So here are additional contributions to the list of stuff that preclude The Donald from truly being a champion of Middle America.

More things The Donald has little experience with:

) Walking a golf course carrying his own golf bag.

) Just walking a golf course.

) Maintaining an honest score card.

) Claiming his true golf handicap.

) Personally calling and ordering a pizza for delivery (that's what the help does).

) Telling the truth.

) Going a week without uttering at least three outrageous whoppers.

) Tweeting something not insulting to another person, race, or nation.

) Thinking about a human female in a way that doesn't include his hand reaching for her, er, you know.

ORDINARY AMERICAN THINGS THE DONALD LIKELY HASN'T DONE

Donald Trump’s greatest accomplishment has been to hoodwink a sizeable chunk of Americans into believing that he is one of them. He has done this through a genuinely brilliant mix of coarse language, anti-elitist rhetoric, anti-government tirades, anti-political correctness, personal insults, racial slurs, misogynistic comments, and a plethora of distortions and outright lies.

But the reality is that The Donald was born and raised rich and has practically nothing in common with the average citizen. Here is a list of ordinary American things the Donald has likely never done, at least since his teenage years a half-century ago:

) Hammered a nail.

) Sawed a board.

) Raked leaves.

) Cleaned gutters.

) Pulled weeds.

) Cut grass.

) Trimmed a hedge.

) Dug a hole.

) Washed a car.

) Used a wrench.

) Split firewood.

) Calculated his own taxes.

) Avoided bankruptcy.

) Paid his bills on time.

) Rowed a boat.

) Fished.

) Changed a diaper.

) Rinsed a dish.

) Cleaned a toilet.

) Sweated (Real sweat, not golf-course sweat). 

CADET BONE SPUR WANTS A PARADE

Cadet Bone Spur wants a stupendous military parade. And guess what. He wants you and me to pay for it. Never mind that large military parades are the normal province of autocratic leaders such as Kim Jong-un, Vladimir Putin, and whoever is running China at the moment.

Or maybe that is the point. Cadet Bone Spur is an autocratic wannabe. In his mind, a military parade with lots of imposing, pavement-chewing hardware, might be an appropriate step in his quest to replace our inefficient democracy with an autocracy of himself.

Himself. That's what Cadet Bone Spur is all about. His whole life has been an effort to be the center of attention, to be praised, glorified, even worshiped.

Well, maybe we should give him his parade. And put him in it. Not in a bright dress uniform but in the uniform of Grunts, line-doggies, cannon fodder. And have him low-crawl the route with DI's screaming obscenities in his ears. Better yet, with live fire zipping a foot or so over his orange noggin. Yeah, that's a parade many would enjoy.

SYCOPHANTIC SUCK-UP PERFORMANCE

Has there ever been a parallel in American history to match the sycophantic suck-up performance that occurred this afternoon (December 20, 2017) on the steps of the White House?

Nearly a dozen Congressional leaders, including House Speaker Paul Ryan and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, fell all over themselves telling the world how tremendously awesome President Donald J. Trump is. Oh, and the just passed Tax Reform Law was good too. Did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Franklin D. Roosevelt, or Ronald Reagan require such obsequious conduct?

Fellow Americans, something ain't right. Our current ultimate leader requires far too much coddling. And his immediate sub-leaders need backbone transplants. (Cranky would say they need to grow a pair but such language is no longer acceptable.)

TRUMP'S TRIUMPH

Many naysayers contend that President Trump hasn't accomplished squat in his almost first year in office. But there is one thing he certainly has accomplished. He has achieved what has apparently long been his goal. And that is to be the undisputed center of attention.

Has there ever been a more needy individual? At least one over the age of three? Remember his first public cabinet meeting when he went around the table virtually demanding accolades from the attendees?

The craving for attention explains his often erratic, irrational behavior. Who are you mostly likely to notice, the serious quiet individual trying to get something done, or the loud buffoon ranting and raving about nothing in particular?

Yes, we put a narcissistic self-infatuated showman in charge. And he's not gonna let us relax for a moment.     

ZERO TOLERANCE OR GRAB 'EM BY THE P___Y

In their unceasing effort to never agree on anything, our two political parties have ended up on opposite ends of the sexual harassment and assault spectrum.

Extreme Democrats have gone the zero tolerance route. Told an off-color joke in mixed company? Complimented an individual of the opposite sex on their appearance? Accidentally touched someone in a place he or she considers off-limits? Then at the very least you need to place yourself on a sexual predator watch-list.

On the other hand, extreme Republicans, particularly those who have achieved considerable political power, apparently view sexual harassment and assault as benefits of the job. Genitalia-grabbing? Assaulting teenage girls? Hey, you earned the right.

Maybe it's time for some new political parties.

GOVERNMENT OF THE RICH, BY THE RICH, FOR THE RICH

Many decades ago when Cranky was a history major, one historical situation puzzled him a bit. It involved the French Revolution in the waning years of the 18th Century. The thing that puzzled him was, what made the French common folk such blood-thirsty rascals? Yeah, they had some grievances, and yeah, it was long ago when people were maybe still imbibed with some primitive blood lust, but getting their kicks by cutting off the heads of their social and economic betters? Cranky just didn't quite get it.

Well, now in his waning years, Cranky is beginning to get it. The ascendancy of His Highness D.J. Trump to the Presidency of these United States and the obnoxious rich people he has surrounded himself with has shown Cranky that, under the proper circumstances, disliking the rich very much is an easy emotion to develop. Indeed, it is extremely hard to resist.

The latest evidence that the rich are obnoxious? The tax bills that the House and the Senate will likely soon combine into a monstrous financial goody gift for those at the top of the economic pyramid. And what will this goody gift have for the us peasants? A "tremendous" increase in the national debt, not to mention increased taxes for many poor and middle income taxpayers.

Maybe the guillotine wasn't such a bad idea after all.   

GENERAL JOHN KELLY'S SOUL

A more appropriate title for Donald Trump’s book The Art of the Deal is The Art of the Steal. The Donald’s business ethics differed little from his current political ethics. Central to both sets of values is a disregard for truth. Falsehoods, more bluntly called lies, are not something to be avoided but tools for achieving goals. For those individuals with a sense of morality regarding business and politics, goals achieved through falsehoods are not so much deals as stolen property. Hence The Art of the Steal. 

The latest steal by Donald Trump is the soul of General John Kelly. In support of his boss, the General gave a distorted—false—description of a speech Congresswoman Frederica Wilson made in 2015. In the General’s telling, Representative Wilson, at the dedication of an FBI building in Miami, was overly boastful about her role in obtaining funding for the project. Video of the event, however, shows her giving credit to others, thanking then-House Speaker John Boehner (a Republican in case you have forgotten), and praising the two deceased FBI agents for whom the building was named. The General also publicly described the Congresswoman as like “empty barrels making the most noise,” a description this disciplined military man would not likely have publicly made before he fell under the sway of the Master Stealer, er Dealer. 

How did the General’s fall into this murky morass come about? Well, based on growing, and disturbing, knowledge of the type of person the 45th President is, here is a possible scenario. It is not proven fact. But it is not implausible. 

Start with the likely fact that Donald Trump has no capacity for empathy. The probable reason is that he is one of the most self-centered individuals on this planet. Everything is all about him. He needs constant acknowledgements of his worth and greatness. Other people’s problems? Yeah, whatever. 

So he unexpectantly falls into a job where empathy, or at least its appearance, is important. Citizens of these United States want their President to be able to show some understanding of the sorrows and downsides of life. The Donald begins to realize that he is empathy-deficient. Perhaps an eye-opening event was the call Donald placed to a parent of a dead soldier in which he, the Donald, gets so flustered that he promises the man a personal check for $25,000. To avoid a repetition, the Donald asks his Chief of Staff, a four-star General who lost a son in war, for advice on phone calls to Gold Star families. 

Among the things the General drops in their discussion is a catchy phrase, along the lines of “that’s what he signed up for.” But the General likely had much context around the phrase. “Your loved one was serving his country. Sometimes such service results in the ultimate sacrifice. Your loved one realized this possibility yet selected service to country anyway. He understood the dangers but still signed up.” 

But non-empathetic Donald didn’t catch the nuance and subtlety. His was a blunt “must have known what he signed up for.” It was almost as if he were adding, “At least he wasn’t captured. I don’t like people who were captured.” 

And then the General, realizing his contribution to the President’s tactless, un-empathetic effort, attempts to make amends. He does so in the manner his boss would, perhaps even receiving guidance from the boss. He conducts a personal attack on Congresswoman Wilson. Donald Trump has stolen his soul.

AMORAL CAPITALISM

How did the fanbase of Russia in the United States shift from the far left of the political spectrum to a location on the right side of that spectrum? After all, just three decades ago no respectable member of the Republican Party in the United States would have been kissing up Russia or its then parent, the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics.

The short answer is that the fanbase of Russia in the United States moved because Russia itself moved from Communism to what might be called Amoral Capitalism, or maybe No-Morality Capitalism.

For much of the 20th Century, from 1917 to 1991, Communism provided the structure for the Russian economy, government, and society. Communism is based on common ownership of the means of production, usually defined broadly. In practice, common ownership is government ownership.

The antithesis of Communism is Capitalism. Under pure Capitalism, the economic system is totally under private control. In practice, however, pure Capitalism does not exist, at least to any significant degree. What does exist is often called a mixed economy. In a mixed economy, both the private sector and government engage in economic activity.

How economic activities are allocated between the private sector and government in a mixed economy is a subject of never ending debate. Proponents of each side in the debate are prone to apocalyptic language regarding the various pros and cons. Very generally, the Democratic Party sees a larger role for government than does the Republican Party. Democrats on the extreme left end of the political spectrum desire a very large role for government. Republicans on the right end of the political spectrum want as little government as possible, maybe even less government than that.

Communism in Russia and the other member republics of the USSR eroded in the 1980s. Some observers argue that Communism deteriorated primarily because of its incompatibility with human individualism. Other observers attribute its fall primarily to Ronald Reagan, the U.S. President for much of the decade, and a firm believer in as much Capitalism as possible.

Whatever the cause of the fall, Communism in Russia and the USSR was done. The U.S. fans of Russia on the extreme left of the political spectrum had to look elsewhere for their Big Government fix.

But what was to take the place of Communism as the guiding principle for the Russian economy, government, and society? The answer has only slowly emerged, and the situation is still quite murky. A form of Capitalism, however, appears to have risen to power. Private economic activity is extensive, but government is less an overseer and arbiter of that activity than a participant. The government rules and regulations that are imposed on the private sector in a largely mixed economy seem, in present-day Russia, to be not so much imposed as nefariously negotiated, bargained for, and bought.

Some observers might characterize this result as corrupt: the private sector only needs to buy its way to success. Other observers, however, might find this result attractive. Among those possible fans are believers in pure, or almost pure, Capitalism. The economy is under private control, some of it directly and some as a result of a symbiotic, incestuous relationship with government. This form of Capitalism is divorced from morality; it is Amoral Capitalism.

Thus, the new U.S. fans of Russia can be found in the portion of the U.S. political spectrum that desires unfettered economic freedom. Indeed, these U.S. fans may well envy the Capitalists of Russia with their Amoral Capitalism. Government rules and regulations that succumb to the private sector’s desires and dollars, well that’s just fine.

A TWEET AIN'T A LAWFUL ORDER

Fake President Trump has sent out a tweet stating that transgender individuals cannot be part of the U.S. military. And everybody's bent out of shape.

But is that all Fake President Trump did? Is there any real paper work? A letter to the SecDef? An official directive of some sort? A proclamation? An official order? If not, then what's all the excitement about?

A Fake President issues a Tweet. He does that multiple times each week. Legally, it don't mean squat. 

STILL A THREAT

Cranky is a mostly retired guy, but he still does a few short-term projects in downtown DC. He usually takes the world-renowned DC metro to work, during rush hours. Over the last several years, more and more young, and occasionally older, women have been offering him their seat.

His response is, "Hey Sweetheart, I know I look pathetic, but I'm still a threat."

In truth, he's no longer a threat, at least much of one. But this is the Age of Trump, and in the Age of Trump, truth is what you say it is.

9 WEEKS DOWN, 199 TO GO

Helluva week!

) FBI Director sees no evidence that Obama wiretapped the Trumpster.
) But FBI and others continue to look into the Russia-Trumpster bromance.
) Bannon gets authoritarian with the Freedom Caucus, telling them they have to support TrumpCare. (Lesson--you don't tell anti-authoritarians they have to do anything.)
) Chief Congressional suckup Devin Nunes apparently forgets that Congress is a co-equal branch of government with important responsibilities. Nunes runs to White House with allegedly earth-shaking evidence regarding the Trumpster's trumped-up falsehoods, forgetting to inform his Committee colleagues beforehand.
) Greatest deal-maker in history (just ask him) fails to get deal he said more than once he would get on election day. Accepts no responsibility for the failure. Deal-making with sleazy real estate and gambling folks was certainly much easier, maybe because only money was involved and not politics, principles, morality, or other such distactions. 

8 WEEKS DOWN, 200 TO GO

A QUANDRY

You are a loyal patriotic American. You've served your country in a variety of ways, maybe even including wearing your country's uniform. You believe in the principles upon which your country was founded and that it strives to live by. You want your country to succeed.

But the President of your country is a narcissistic prima donna bozo who can't stop telling you and your fellow citizens how great he is. He also lies and fabricates well beyond the degree that is common in the political profession. You want him to fail.

How do you reconcile these divergent desires?

WHY DONALD WON AND HILLARY LOST

Of course, many factors contributed to the Trumpster's victory (in the electoral college, not in the popular vote) over Hillary. One of the most important, however, maybe the most important, was the Trumpster's apparent competence with Twitter versus the email debacle of Hillary and her pals.  

Illustrator Phil McKenney of Montross, Virginia, has captured the essence of the matter in the above 'toon. The Trumpster's Twitter skills gave the impression, most likely false, that he knew what he was doing in the brave new world of the Information Age.

On the other hand, the email mess that the Hillary crowd brought on themselves led many border-line voters to conclude, "I don't want these clowns in charge of the nation." Oh, the Hillary people would blame it all on Russian hacking. But even if there was such hacking (as there probably was), what it revealed was a bunch of technological neophytes who never learned the basic lesson of email: "If you don't want it on the front page of the Washington Post, don't put it in an email."

7 WEEKS DOWN, 201 TO GO

The Trumpster started off week 7 by accusing his predecessor of felonious conduct. The felonious conduct was apparently so obvious that the Trumpster saw no need to provide any collaborating facts, details, proof, whatever.

Then His Highness turned to the difficult issue of repealing, reforming, renaming, whatever, ObamaCare. His negotiating skills were much in evidence as he called various interested parties into his presence for meetings. The nation watched with expectant awe as one of history's greatest deal-makers did his stuff. The outcome was certainly to be the best national healthcare system ever.

House Speaker Paul-three-hour-marathon-Ryan did his part with a power point presentation that had other power point warriors in the nation's capital gasping in admiration. Business schools across the country, knowing outstanding teaching material when they see it, immediately begged for copies.

The Trumpster began the weekend with a round of golf at Trump National Golf Club in Potomac Falls, Virginia. It was his ninth golf outing in his first seven weeks in office. Not bad work if you can get it.  

6 WEEKS DOWN, 202 TO GO

GREATEST SPEECH EVER!! CERTAINLY ONE OF THE TOP FIVE IN THE NATION'S HISTORY!

In a little over 60 minutes before the U.S. Congress Tuesday night, Donald J. Trump rescued his Presidency from a descent into oblivion, thereby insuring not just four years of his extraordinary leadership but likely an additional four as well.

He handled multi-syllable words as if he knew what they meant. He avoided the "believe me's." He did not label his opponents with "lying," "crooked," or other nasty terms. His exaggerations and distortions were within the range of what previous Presidents had thrown at a Congressional audience. Many in the media were gushingly effusive in their commentary.

In short, he graduated from being just a narcissistic buffoon to being a Presidential narcissistic buffoon.

So most of Wednesday was a fine day for the Trumpster and his team as they envisioned the world turning in their direction. But then Comrade Sessions brought back reality, and the week ended with the Trumpster sulking off to his little hideaway in Mar-a-Lago and the companionship of his fellow one-percenters.

"NO ONE KNEW THAT HEALTHCARE COULD BE SO COMPLICATED"

Duh. Another example of the Trumpster's fantasy (fake) world. 

Just about any thinking individual who has had contact with the medical system knows that healthcare in these United States is one helluva complicated mess. Multiple bills, itemized to the last needle, many showing different amounts for what you owe versus the medical profession's opinion as to what you should owe, are all the evidence that most would need to realize the complexity of healthcare.

Add to that multiple providers and insurers, a less than ideal mix of public and private systems, greedy pharmaceutical companies, and you have complexity to the nth power.

Of course, the Trumpster, being a member of the one percent with numerous lawyers, accountants, and personal physicians standing between him and the realities faced by the 99 percent, can perhaps be forgiven for having thought that a snap of his small fingers would make everything right.  

5 WEEKS DOWN, 203 TO GO

President It's-All-About-Me started his fifth week with a campaign event for reelection in 2020. Talk about hubris. One of his talking points during the week was that the media was the enemy of the people. If you're uncertain what that type of language can lead to, Comrade, check out the rise of a fella named Stalin back in the first half of the last century.

Getting geared up for the next election did seem to calm the antsy Trumpster for a few days. He even made what is likely to be a very good selection: Lt. Gen. H.R. McMaster as National Security Adviser.

But then the proverbial excrement hit the proverbial fan. The Trumpster and his intellectually challenged inner circle became incensed about more revelations regarding their disturbingly close and private connections with the Ruskies. The revelations were the problem! Jail the leakers! Where is Ronald Reagan when we need him?

Before you get too carried away, Orange Head, weren't you at one time very much in favor of revealing government secrets, particularly ones in which you could find some benefit to the one person that really matters in your life, your own self?

Anyway, bottom line: it was another week of President It's-All-About-Me making life miserable for us ordinary citizens.

4 WEEKS DOWN, 204 TO GO

The highlight of week four of Donald J. Trump's Fake Presidency (thank you, Mika Brzezinski) was, of course, the press conference from the eighth dimension. After three weeks of semi-chaos topped by the departure of National Security Adviser Michael Flynn, the Trumpster decided to go on the attack.

And it must be said that he did what he does best: talk mostly nonsense but with such force and utter disregard for accuracy and truth that he emerged, in his own mind and in the view of most of his supporters, as the winning party. His strongest attribute may be that he is impervious to the "gotcha." He doesn't blink or pause, just keeps on expounding the nonsense.

An example involved his statement that he had achieved the biggest Electoral College victory since Reagan. A reporter pointed out to him the fact (not a fake fact but a real one) that Clinton, Obama, and Bush 41 all had greater majorities in the Electoral College. He dismissed the first two with "Well, I'm talking about Republicans" and the last with "I was given that information, I was just given it." And with hardly a pause, he was on to something else.

In short, he expounds his own fake reality, nothing is ever his fault, and he has an unequaled ability to steamroll "gotchas." 204 weeks to go.

MAR-A-LAGO WAITER PREVENTS NUCLEAR ARMAGEDDON

Unconfirmed reports suggest that a Mar-a-Lago waiter, an illegal immigrant, prevented Nuclear Armageddon Saturday evening.

President Trump was dining with Japanese Prime Minister Sinzo Abe in a Mar-a-Lago dining room. Many other members of the private club were also enjoying the benefits of their status as one percenters. During an early course of the meal, word was brought to the two national leaders that North Korea had just successfully tested a ballistic missile.

Pandemonium set in. President Trump got on his cell phone, which may or may not have been secure. Aides skittered about. Cell phone flashlights illuminated official-looking documents. Orders were apparently given, and the Stephen Twins, Bannon and Miller, rushed from the room, screaming, "Outta the way, we're gonna launch!"

But a multi-lingual waiter spooning out salad dressings had overheard the conversations and realized the Twins had misinterpreted some of the give and take among the two leaders, their translators, and the several dozen American and Japanese staff members. Someone had suggested that a "lunch time" needed to be scheduled for the next day. The Twins heard "launch time" and immediately rushed to implement.

The waiter sprinted after them, just barely getting to a door before they did. His statement that the Twins had misheard what was being said was summarily rejected, but help shortly arrived. Without admitting they were wrong, the Twins reluctantly backed away from their mission to initiate Nuclear Armageddon, exclaiming angrily, "There'll be another time."

For his effort, the illegal alien waiter was taken into custody and promptly deported. His slot at Mar-a-Lago was quickly filled by a gentleman of Slavic origin.

3 WEEKS DOWN, 205 TO GO

The Trumpster had a successful third week, success being measured by the amount of attention he was able to garner with his verbal eruptions and erratic behavior. Few were the citizens of these United States, including his hopefully dwindling band of supporters, who did not at some point in the week wonder, "What's with this guy?"

Well, what's with this guy is obvious. What's with this guy is first and foremost himself. He is happiest when he is the center of attention, sort of like a six-year old, the world's only 275-pound six-year old.

Activities this past week included bad-mouthing the judiciary, continued complaining about imaginary voter fraud, chaos among his so-called staff, forays into international relations, and defenses of Ivanka's product line.

But perhaps most intriguing was the hand-shaking. It seems that the Trumpster is a real aficionado of the exuberant hand-shake. A 19-second shake with several pats and caresses thrown in left the Japanese Prime Minister rolling his eyes with wonder, and relief that it was over. An effort by the Trumpster to pull his Supreme Court nominee close had the latter employing a stiff arm to keep some distance between himself and the orange-hair groper.

The Trumpster might want to ease back a bit on his overly physical interactions. Some guys could take it the wrong way.

PRESIDENTIAL WORDS OF INSPIRATION

Franklin D. Roosevelt: “This generation of Americans has a rendezvous with destiny.”

John F. Kennedy: “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.”

Ronald Reagan: “I believe that Americans in 1980 are every bit as committed to that vision of a shining ‘city on a hill,’ as were those long ago settlers.          ‘

George H.W. Bush: “Ours should be a nation characterized by conspicuous compassion, generosity that is overflowing and abundant.”

William Jefferson Clinton: “There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America.”

George W. Bush: “Like generations before us, we have a calling from beyond the stars to stand for freedom.”

Barack Obama: “There is not a liberal America and a conservative America ― there’s a United States of America.”

Donald Trump: “We got a lot of killers. What, you think our country is so innocent?”

NEW JOGGING HAT

2 WEEKS DOWN, 206 TO GO

The Trumpster has certainly kept us jumping in his first two weeks as President of these United States. So much so that things became very confusing very fast. For example, at one point some less astute observers thought he had declared war on Australia, one of our most reliable international friends.

Actually, what he had done was instruct the Pentagon to, in thirty days, come up with a plan to defeat Australia. Or maybe that was some other enemy, maybe Mexico, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Alex Baldwin, ISIS, CNN, the list of his adversaries is certainly not short.

And then there was the confusing occasion at a Black History Month affair when the Trumpster looked around the room to congratulate Fredrick Douglas on all he had accomplished. Unfortunately, Mr. Douglas was not in attendance, having passed away in 1895.

His not-quite travel ban on certain foreign nationals, and a few U.S. citizens, did go into effect rather seamlessly, at least for those not covered by it. The Stephen Twins, Bannon and Miller, deserve the lion's share of the credit for this far-sighted effort. Incidentally, Mr. Bannon has predicted war with China. That should be a blast. Expecting many good things from the Twins, especially with Mr. Bannon replacing the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs and other unnecessary toadies on the National Security Council.

So with just two weeks down, the Trumpster has grabbed the nation by its nether regions. Gives you sort of a tingle, doesn't it.

TRUMP TV: A DISAPPOINTMENT

The expected circus of announcing a Supreme Court nominee during prime time before a national TV audience did not materialize. The event lacked the histrionics we have come to expect from Donald John Trump. Hope he's not losing his touch so soon. There was no ranting and raving about unrelated matters, no ludicrous fabrications, just the introduction of a seemingly intelligent but far-right individual.

What was needed was some input from the Stephen twins, Bannon and Miller. Hope those boys haven't permanently ostracized themselves with the refugee ban fiasco.

TRUMP TV: WATCH OR ELSE

Doubt that your new President is first and foremost a performer? Well, when was the last time a President scheduled a prime time television appearance to announce a Supreme Court nominee? Such appearances are usually limited to occasions of national disaster, significant military operations, and the like.

An interesting thing will be how the TV networks respond. The mainly news ones--Fox and MSNBC--will most likely succumb to temptation, but how about CBS, ABC, and NBC? Will they interrupt their prime time schedules (8 pm, Tuesday, January 31, 2017) just because His Highness wants some air time?

Chances are very good that not only will a Supreme Court nominee be announced, but that much else will be discussed. Such as, Inauguration crowd size, voter fraud, the excellently orchestrated abrupt tightening of entrance by refugees and visa holders into these United States, the indisputable qualifications of a certain new addition to the National Security Council, and so on.

The only thing missing is an Executive Order requiring all Americans to watch or listen to the latest episode of Presidential Apprentice Tuesday evening. But such an order is likely just moments away.

DRAMA QUEEN PRESIDENT

Considerable commentary has focused on Donald Trump’s chaotic management style. Observers speculate and pontificate on how much of the behavior might be the product of a severely flawed individual, and how much might be surreptitiously purposeful. Is the President just plain nuts, or is he a managerial phenom with an extraordinary talent for achieving his goals?

Well, maybe the analysts are missing what is really at The Donald’s center. Maybe first and foremost he is a performer, a performer of the first magnitude who has attained the ultimate stage and is taking full advantage of the theatrical opportunity. That might explain why he has expended energy, and political capital, creating issues from such inconsequential matters as crowd sizes. Or why he insists against practically all evidence that millions of instances of voter fraud tainted the recent election. Or why he engages in twitter wars of such considerable magnitude.

For performers, avocation—what one loves to do—and profession—what one does for a living—often coincide, perhaps much more so than in other fields. In short, many performers truly love to perform. It satisfies inner needs. It confirms their existence. As for The Donald, he seems unable to resist any opportunity, no matter how inappropriate, to jump into his act. And if an opportunity is not available at the moment, he creates it. Saying he is merely a member of the drama queen club would not be doing him justice. He is the King Kong of drama queens.

But here’s the problem with a performer as President. We citizens become part of the show, whether we want to be or not. We are unable to leave the theater, unable to switch channels or turn off the TV, unable to avoid the spectacle. We are an integral component of the drama. The star does and says outlandish stuff, and our many and varied reactions are part of the entertainment.

We are the proverbial captive audience. And absent something extraordinary, the show has four years to run.

Perhaps commercials during the show could provide us with occasional respites. Wait, here comes one now: “The preceding episode about Donald and his Mexican Wall has been brought to you by Trump International Hotel. Make us your home when you visit the Nation’s Capital. And tune in tomorrow (yes, we’re on every day) when Donald determines that illegal Canadian immigrants are the source of the White House’s rodent infestation problem.”

Oh, well. Pass the popcorn.

AMERICAN CARNAGE

There he stood. Overweight. Orange Hair. Fleshy checks. Rambling and ranting. American Carnage personified.

He was the grumpy old uncle, come to Thanksgiving dinner. The country's going to hell. It needs to be beaten back into shape. It needs a really firm hand.

Only he's not leaving after dinner. He's staying four years.

EDICTS TO REPLACE PRESIDENTIAL ORDERS

Trumperian Spokesman Sean Spicer, one of a few Republican residents of Alexandria, Virginia, has said that the first order of business for the new President will be the repeal of many Presidential Orders issued by the departing President.

Other sources indicate that the new President will not be issuing Presidential Orders. Instead, he will be promulgating Edicts, as is the practice in the more authoritarian nations he is fond of.

A PRESIDENT FOR THE DIGITAL AGE

President-elect Donald J. Trump at an impromptu session with reporters on Wednesday, Dec. 28:

"I think that computers have complicated lives very greatly. The whole age of computer has made it where nobody knows exactly what is going on."

January 20th, we can hardly wait.

FAITHLESS ELECTORS

Where're those faithless electors when you need 'em? Now come mid-January we're almost certainly gonna have President Donald J. Trump. He got less votes from citizens than his opponent, he squeaked by in the Electoral College, and he just may be a stooge for Vladimir Putin of Russia.

His followers, and some of his staff, are false news fans. His analytical skills appear limited to the real estate, hotel, and casino businesses. His disdain for the middle and lower classes of society are evident from his many very wealthy potential appointees. And his understanding of complex subjects is limited to what will fit in a Tweet.

Prepare for a rocky ride, folks. The road ahead is not looking good.

TRUMP'S SOCIAL MEDIA THUGS

Remember when social media first burst on the scene? When it was seemingly innocent and built around the high-schoolish idea of "liking" someone or something?

Well, we've certainly come a long way. Yes, there's still some harmlessness involved with social media, but a nasty, sometimes violent, component has become more and more evident.

And in the tiny hands of some practitioners, social media has become downright dangerous. One of those practitioners is now President-elect of these United States. And he is a big fan of the social media tool titter.

In fact, tweeting was one of his main means of communicating during the recent campaign. His tweets involved little nuance; they were blatant, often non-factual, assaults on individuals and institutions.

He had been in the tweeting business for a number of years. Most recipients and others who saw his tweets apparently found them amusing. But now that he is to be the next President, some are finding his tweets to be calls to action. He criticizes a labor leader, and a few of his more troubled followers perceive an instruction to harass, or worse, that labor leader.

Thus the President-elect has stumbled upon a substitute for old-fashion strong-arming thugs. He has discovered social media thugs. And they don't even cost anything!

WHO BECOMES THE VOICE OF REASON?

For a good number of decades, the United States has been the world's major voice of reason. It has for the most part resisted the harsh and threatening, and often childish, language of a number of other nations, many of which were, and are, in the autocratic category.

But indications are that the next four years just might be different. The United States could be about to significantly curtail care, precision, and restraint in its verbal relations with the rest of the world. Replacing those attributes could well be bombast, insults, and so's-your-muthas.

Might another nation step forward to fill the void? Surprisingly, the People's Republic of China, a long-time practitioner of verbal overspeak, has in recent days displayed, in response to a bit of verbal stick-poking, uncharacteristic calmness.

THOSE CRAZY FLYNNS

Retired three-star General Michael Flynn has been named by President-elect Donald as his National Security Adviser. Michael Flynn Jr. has a .gov email address and is reportedly an adviser to his Dad. And what are the Flynns' qualifications?

One qualification seems to be an addiction to false news. Flynn Jr. has apparently been an enthusiastic booster of a cockamamie story about Hillary Clinton being involved in a sex-trafficking operation based in a pizza joint in the nation's capital. Called, Pizzagate, the conspiracy entered the world of real news this past Sunday when a North Carolina patriot showed up at the pizza joint with an AR-15 and fired off a round.

As for Flynn senior, he has not been reluctant to pass on questionable reports regarding Hillary and company. A November 2 tweet is an example: "U decide - NYPD Blows Whistle on New Hillary Emails: Money Laundering, Sex Crimes w Children, etc. . ."

But perhaps a yen for false news is what is needed in the President's National Security Adviser. You want someone who can think outside the box, and you can't get much further outside the box than false news.

THE FIRST TRUMP WAR?

On Sunday, December 4, 2016, President-elect Donald J. Trump issued the following tweet:

"Did China ask us if it was OK to devalue their currency (making it hard for our companies to compete), heavily tax our products going into their country (the U.S. doesn’t tax them) or to build a massive military complex in the middle of the South China Sea? I don’t think so!”

So, everybody got their bunkers stocked with food, water, and ammo? The Donald might get us into a shooting war even before he becomes President. At this rate, the Apocalypse don't seem very far off.

I mean, seriously, is this the "Presidential" he promised us? We're gonna be lucky to make it to January before Nuclear Armageddon. With those itchy fingers Bannon and Flynn egging him on, The Donald and his tweets are dangerously close to something really nasty.

Have all you folks fulfilled your life's bucket lists? The window of opportunity might be fast closing.

Hope this is not "Adios Amigos."  

DONALD AND CHINA

Donald, Donald, Donald. Not even four weeks into being President-elect and already you're driving us nuts. Tweets, pep rallies with all their nastiness, attacking the First Amendment. You've even managed to get Sarah Palin on your case.

And now China. Let me try to explain China. It is a monstrous country on the other side of the Pacific Office. The Pacific Ocean is on the west side of the United States. The Ocean on the east side is the Atlantic.

Anyway, the United States has long had a contentious relationship with China, which by the way has about a gazillion people, many more than the United States even if you count all our illegal immigrants. Someone at the U.S. Department of State, which is just a few blocks from your soon-to-be home, can probably give you some background.

One of the ticklish matters in Chinese-American relations is the island of Taiwan, which is an independent nation just off the coast of China and long supported by the U.S., at considerable annoyance to China. Taiwan is where the last remnants of non-Communist Chinese ended up in the late 1940s after Communists took over China. Incidentally, your BBF Putin was once a Communist. Now he's apparently just a plain old autocrat.

You following so far? Well, let's cut to the chase. China and Taiwan are most certainly not BBFs. And your little phone call with the Taiwan leader was akin to poking a big nasty grizzle bear with a stick. If you were the only one likely to suffer the consequences, I'd say poke away. But it's all the people who voted for you (and the many more who voted against you) who are also in the line of fire.

So how about expanding your advisory team beyond that alt-right bunch who seem to have a love of violence, both individually and nationally? I know you have been bad-mouthing Washington bureaucrats for the last year and a half. But they might be able to prevent you from inadvertently (I hope it is not advertently) reducing the planet to a smoldering ember.   

TRUMP'S CONFLICTS OF INTEREST

Conflicts of interest between the President Elect's public duties and his various business ventures around the world are worrying many observers. Will his Presidential decisions be influenced by his businesses? Will he use the powers of his office to benefit his businesses? Is a wall between his office and his businesses even remotely possible?

But his businesses just might provide a solution to a most troublesome problem, which is the President Elect's obvious lack of talent and temperament for being the leader of the United States of America. If his staff can keep the President Elect's focus on his businesses and away from affairs of state, we just might be able to survive his time in office.

So instead of seeking to remove The Donald from his beloved enterprises, let's all encourage him to immerse himself in their operations. If he enriches himself, so be it. Better that than having him make decisions regarding the fate of the planet. Hopefully, Mike and company can keep things under control until the nation can correct its most egregious error in at least the last century. 

NO INTEL BRIEFINGS FOR TRUMP

The new President has apparently been skipping his intel briefings, and the usual media and Democratic busybodies are concerned. But perhaps they should not be looking a gift horse in the mouth. Keeping The Donald as far as possible away from serious matters of national security and international relations might just be the most desirable course to follow.

Let VP Mike Pence and others handle the hard stuff. Leave The Donald to focus on his titter wars and on brow-beating American businesses to stay home.

"Hey Mike, how's that dispute with Russia over Ukraine working out."

"We're handling it, Mr. President. No need for you to worry. Hey, didja' catch that last SNL bit on you? They're really having fun."

"Those cockroaches! Where's my twitter machine? I'm gonna smoke those lying unfair rats!"  

2017 TURKEY PARDONING, NOT

According to an inside source, President Trump will not be pardoning Thanksgiving turkeys. The source characterized the long-practiced tradition as "frivolous" and "not indicative of what made America great." The pardoning ceremony would also present logistical problems as President Trump intends to spend most of his time in New York City or Mar-A-Lago, avoiding the nation's capital as much as possible.

Instead of being pardoned, two turkeys will be publicly waterboarded and then dispatched by the President's big-game hunting sons, Eric and Don Jr. Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin will also participate.

IS THIS THE NEXT FOUR YEARS?

Is this the next four years? Whinny-boy, thin-skin Prez goes ballistic every few days and throws a tweet-storm; media react in mock horror and spend their few days analyzing the tweets as if they were Einstein's equations; and then we repeat?

If this is our future, a national nervous breakdown might be in the cards.

The whinny-boy, thin-skin Prez ain't likely to change. So the monkey is on the media's back to tone down the drama. And that's the main-stream media, the supposed grownups in the room. Ignore all those fringe outfits, such as Fox, Breibart News, and so on. They desire something akin to a national nervous breakdown. It's what gets them out of bed in the morning.

One thing the main-stream media should do is to only deal with Whinny-Boy on an arms-length, transparent basis. No off-the-record stuff. No opportunity for the he-said, she-said that infatuates the populace's lowest-common denominator. That just plays into Whinny-Boy's strong suite of putting his own spin on what happened in the back room.

As for reporting the tweet-storms, well, they are news. But they don't have to be front-page, the world-is-ending news. Just a little box at the bottom of page 2 or at the end of a newscast giving Whinny-Boy's tweets of the day. No need to analyze and dissect them. Twitter is just a toy, not a step forward in civilization's journey. 

ELECTION POSTMORTEM

People, at least a few anyway, often try to find the bright side of an appalling situation. Hence this effort to find a glimmer of light in recent dark events.

There is a possibility that the election of Donald Trump to the Office of President of these United States is a move toward the center of the political spectrum. Over the last decades, at least since the election of Ronald Reagan in 1980, the extremes of the two major political parties—Democratic and Republican, most particularly the latter—have been on the ascendency.

On the Republican side, the rise of the extreme right has been steady. Some rhetoric at the beginning of the Administration of George W. Bush suggested a desire for inclusiveness, but the tone quickly faded. The strength of that Administration’s conservative leanings was evidenced by the adoption of significant tax cuts in 2001 and 2003, the latter year of course being when major, hence expensive, military actions were underway against a foe called “Terroism.” Incidentally, though many conservatives will vehemently argue the contrary, those tax cuts likely contributed to the financial exuberance that culminated in the Great Recession of 2007-09.

The creep to extreme regions on the left by the Democratic Party has been more meandering. Democrats even pursued a somewhat centrist path during Bill Clinton’s two terms (1993-2000). And Democrats have not been in power enough to get too deep into the progressive swamp. Barack Obama had a mere two years of maneuvering room before he was largely corralled by the increasing power and belligerency of the Republicans. Nevertheless, the extreme left still preached a most progressive agenda, as witnessed by the calls in the recent election for free (meaning government paid-for) college education.

A result of these decades of political polarization, recognized by members of both parties, by the media, and by the public, has been political gridlock. The general feeling is that nothing is getting done. One major thing that is certainly not getting done is any progress toward controlling entitlement spending. As the population ages, spending on Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security is capturing an ever greater, and unsustainable, share of the federal budget. Neither party has shown a willingness to confront the American people with the unattractive but necessary options for tackling this most serious threat to the nation’s financial well-being.

Thus there is a need for someone or some group unorthodox enough to assault the rigid political and ideological ramparts that are preventing Americans from doing what we think we are best at: solving problems. There is also a need for educating the American people on what is and is not possible. For example, promising an annual GDP (gross domestic product) growth of 5 or 6 percent if certain policies are adopted or abandoned is just not realistic.

But forget the second need for the time-being and focus on need number one: a significant reduction in the polarization that is preventing problem-solving. Just maybe that is what break-the-mold Donald Trump can accomplish. He may not achieve many, or any, of his concrete goals, but if he manages to get Democrats and Republicans, at least some of them, back toward the center of the political spectrum, he will have done a service.

Of course, this result depends on whether he can move from the rabble-rousing Donald Trump of the last year and a half to being a much more controlled and even-handed individual. The jury is very much out on that possibility.

HE NEVER CONCEDED

Thirty or so years ago, a fella Cranky knows, name of Frip Chissom, came in a distant third in a Congressional Democratic primary in Northern Virginia. Frip never conceded, and indeed he never accepted the results of the outcome. But guess what? Nobody cared. The world did not stop. The Supreme Court did not get involved. And to Frip's delight, his opponent went on to defeat in November's general election.

So Cranky, and his friend Frip, are a little perplexed by concerns about whether or not The Donald, and his supporters (who are those people, anyway?), will accept the results of a defeat on November 8. Commentators make the claim that all Presidential losers in the nation's history have accepted the election results. Maybe, but there certainly have been some very begrudging acceptances.

And fears that many of The Donald's supporters will not accept an unfavorable outcome might be overblown. So what if they don't? After all, a large proportion of the Republican Party never accepted Barack Obama's victories in 2008 and 2012. The result was divided, ineffective government, but it was still government.

The bottom line is that the legal result of an election is not dependent on happiness with or acceptance of that result by the losing side. Now if the losing side decides to take up arms about the result, as once occurred in the nation's history, the situation enters a different dimension. But until The Donald starts talking armed insurrection, let's give him the benefit of the doubt and consider his threat of not accepting the results as just another Trumpian bombastic pronouncement. 

STRONG LEADERS FOR THE DONALD

The Donald, his apologist Mr. Pence, and some of their supporters have expressed a bit of admiration for Vladimir Putin and Saddam Hussein regarding those two fellas' leadership abilities. Mr. Putin in particular has been characterized as a strong leader.

Well, if a portion of the Republican Party is going the strong leader route, here's a few other historical examples for them to praise:

) Hitler

) Stalin

) Mussolini

) Attila the Hun

Yeah, those boys were some sure 'nough strong leaders.