MAR-A-LAGO WAITER PREVENTS NUCLEAR ARMAGEDDON

Unconfirmed reports suggest that a Mar-a-Lago waiter, an illegal immigrant, prevented Nuclear Armageddon Saturday evening.

President Trump was dining with Japanese Prime Minister Sinzo Abe in a Mar-a-Lago dining room. Many other members of the private club were also enjoying the benefits of their status as one percenters. During an early course of the meal, word was brought to the two national leaders that North Korea had just successfully tested a ballistic missile.

Pandemonium set in. President Trump got on his cell phone, which may or may not have been secure. Aides skittered about. Cell phone flashlights illuminated official-looking documents. Orders were apparently given, and the Stephen Twins, Bannon and Miller, rushed from the room, screaming, "Outta the way, we're gonna launch!"

But a multi-lingual waiter spooning out salad dressings had overheard the conversations and realized the Twins had misinterpreted some of the give and take among the two leaders, their translators, and the several dozen American and Japanese staff members. Someone had suggested that a "lunch time" needed to be scheduled for the next day. The Twins heard "launch time" and immediately rushed to implement.

The waiter sprinted after them, just barely getting to a door before they did. His statement that the Twins had misheard what was being said was summarily rejected, but help shortly arrived. Without admitting they were wrong, the Twins reluctantly backed away from their mission to initiate Nuclear Armageddon, exclaiming angrily, "There'll be another time."

For his effort, the illegal alien waiter was taken into custody and promptly deported. His slot at Mar-a-Lago was quickly filled by a gentleman of Slavic origin.