BRETT BECOMES DJ

DJ evidently told Brett

To hit back rough and hard

Take no prisoners attitude

Let’s duke it out in the yard

And be sure to trash the Dems

Those tricky, slimy dogs

They’re bringing the nation down

To the level of vicious hogs

The politics of personal destruction

Have engulfed the nation

Both parties are guilty

But DJ thoroughly enjoys the sensation

It’s how he sees the world

Us against them is his motto

Bashing, mud-slinging, trash-talking

It’s part of his narcissistic credo


*************************

Cranky's taking a few days away
Getting off the grid
Spending a little time on the AT
rearranging his Id.

LAUGHING AT DJ

DJ went to the UN

And in response to a typical exaggeration

Got laughed at by the General Assembly

Much to his consternation

Many of his fellow citizens

Respond to him similarly

But the weirdos at FoxNews

Give cover to his idiocy

They treat him

As if he were legitimate

And not some whack job product

Of an Electoral College gimmick

But back to the laughter

Democrats and intelligent Republicans

(allegedly there are a few)

Might consider the same action

At the next State of the Union zoo

DJ limits his appearances

To mostly sycophantic venues

But when he ventures beyond that bubble

We should let the laughter rumble

BRETT, YOU WEREN’T A GOODY TWO-SHOES

Brett, your problem is

You had a helluva youth

Drinking and partying

And that is the truth

Maybe you didn’t commit

Any sexual aggression

But the evidence is you were often

In deep inebriation

So stop trying to come off

As a little goody two-shoes

Admit you frequently drank

As if you had nothing to lose

Such honesty might make your claim

To remaining many years a virgin

Somewhat more believable

Than just a ludicrous assertion

Incidentally, the alleged fact

That you maintained a multi-year virginity

Could be evidence of many rejections

For overly aggressive activity

BOYS WILL BE BOYS, ALLEGEDLY

So what’s Brett’s real crime

The assault he allegedly did

Or his allegedly lying denials

About what he allegedly did?

If he did

What he allegedly did

Should it keep him from

His Supreme Court bid?

Or is boys will be boys

Enough of a defense

Against what he allegedly did

To put him on the bench?

Or is boys will be boys negated

By not owning up to

Allegedly being one of those boys

Who did what boys do?

The uncertainty is exacerbated

By the transition to a MeToo world

In which boys will be boys is a defense

One uses at one’s peril?

INTERLUDE

The beach is mostly deserted

Sand between the toes

Small crabs scuttle by

Heading for their holes

Back there in DC

DJ plays tsunami

At some point likely to instigate

An international calamity

But here in the sand

Little critters labor

Pursuing food and shelter

Oblivious to human failure

LEAKING

Leaking in the upper reaches

Of DJ’s Administration

Has become rampant

Threatening bureaucratic stagnation

The latest comes courtesy

Of the New York Times

DJ in ranting rambling mode

Was alleged to be a target

Deputy AG Rosenstein wanted to record

But with all due respect

To the venerable Times

The evidence presented

Sways mostly partisan minds

Anyone who has ever

Been in a bureaucracy

Knows a lot of things are said

Just for a little hilarity

So when Rosenstein allegedly proposed

Recording DJ secretly

He very likely

Was speaking sarcastically

STORMY ON DJ'S EQUIPMENT

Stormy’s new book

Has us fellas thinking

Is mine just small

Or is it “freakishly” small

Does it have a mushroom head

Is it adequate at all

The White House press corps

Should seek comment

On Stormy’s description

Of DJ’s equipment

Mr. President,

Is Stormy Daniels correct

That your equipment is rather small

And perhaps inadequate?

Kellyanne Conway,

Is there a correlation

Between DJ’s bedroom failures

And his tariff fixation?

Sarah Huckabee Sanders,

Would you elaborate

On Stormy’s assertions

Concerning the President?

The nation wants to know

If his is the smallest we’ve ever seen

From the standpoint of size

And does it have gangrene

WETTEST WE’VE EVER SEEN

DJ described Hurricane Florence

As “one of the wettest we’ve ever seen,

from the standpoint of water”

That covers a lot of ground

But ignores other sources of disorder

Such as politicians

Who are addicted to twitter

Where they sink to new depths

Of fuzzy verbal litter

Or politicians

Who are so narcissistic

They can’t stop reciting

Any favorable but false statistic

Or politicians

Who are out of their depth

Maintained in office

By little more than precedent

Yes, from the standpoint of politicians

One of the strangest we’ve ever seen

Is in the White House now

A President like no other

Can we survive ‘til his final bow?

FORD V. KAVANAUGH

Ford v. Kavanaugh

Kavanaugh v. Ford

More fun for the nation

In case we were getting bored

What the ancient Republicans

On the Judiciary Committee want

Is Dr. Ford and Judge Brett

Sitting side-by-side in their joint

Orin Hatch is ready

Twenty-seven years ago

He grilled Anita Hill

And again he’s raring to go

Nothing like having

A sexual assault victim

Relive the trauma

For the old guys’ gratification

And having Kavanaugh

Sitting right beside her

What yucks that might provide

An elderly interrogator

KAVANAUGH AND THOMAS

If Kavanaugh joins the Court

He can be best buddies

With Justice Clarence Thomas

And talk about their one-time honeys

And snicker about their female peers

Sotomayor, Ginsburg, Kagan

Wondering which of the three

Would make the best plaything

Also reminiscing about the good ol’ days

When grabbing booty was okay

And not something likely

To ruin your whole day

Yes, times have certainly changed

“Look at this, Babe” has become #MeToo

Leaving a fella perplexed

With hormones very much askew

It’s a new world, guys

You no longer are allowed

To fulfill your primordial needs

With just any stranger in the crowd

REPUBLICANS AND DEFICITS

Remember when Republicans

Were the party of fiscal responsibility

Telling the nation to control

Its monetary prolificacy

Then came the Bush-Cheney tax cuts

In two thousand one and three

Eliminating the balanced budgets

Inherited from the opposing party

Now there’s DJ

Addicted to bankruptcy and debt

What was good for a businessman

Would be even better for a President

He and his toady Republicans

Stampeded to cut taxes

Adding trillions to the deficit

Not carrying about consequences

On the other side of the aisle

Democrats are not without blame

Refusing to control spending

Imagining a world of no fiscal pain

BRETT KAVANAUGH

Way back in high school

A Catholic high school no less

Little Brett Kavanaugh

Might have jumped a lass

That is the accusation

Coming to the fore

His defense is definitely not

That he just wanted to score

No, he is denying

That the incident ever happened

It is just a figment

Of the lady’s imagination

Of course there is no way

To sort out such ancient events

It’s he said she said

And that’s the way it went

But looking at Mr. Kavanaugh

And his nerdy appearance

Might that not be

Something of a defense?

DJ ACTUALLY IS TREMENDOUS IN ONE AREA

Manafort is now playing ball

With Mueller and company

What does Paul know

About DJ and the Russkie?

It’s hard not to believe

Sometime before November

Mueller will drop a bomb

Or do the equivalent of surrender

So how many DJ associates

Have pleaded to a crime

Seems five or six at least

A few more and we have a dime

This is certainly an area

Where DJ could legitimately brag

More crooks in his entourage

Than any other President had

So let’s hear it, DJ

“More crooks than even Nixon had

Tremendous amount of law-breaking

I’m the baddest of the bad” 

SCREAMING BOSSES

DJ is like that boss you had

The one who was never at fault

Others were always responsible

For the inevitable screw-up

He or she would turn red

And scream many epithets

Eventually zeroing in on some poor smuck

Who would soon have to exit

Then someone else

Would become the target

Receiving the vitriol

From Boss Barbaric

Most have had bosses like that

Ones without a soul

Ones who demand

Absolute control

Sometimes justice prevails

And screamers have a bad ending

But far too often the jerks

Get rewarded by their similarly afflicted brethren

DUMB SOUTHERNER

Dumb Southerner is a term

DJ used disparagingly

But Cranky embraces the term

And many others gladly

Cracker, Hillbilly, Redneck

Goober, Peckerwood, Swamp Rat

White Trash, Haole, Sad Sack

Cranky owns them all

And is extremely proud of it

At least he’s not in the category of

Pouty-Mouth New York Prick

DJ AND HURRICANES

DJ says the recovery of Puerto Rico

From last year’s hurricane

Was an “unsung success”

Of his Administration

Could’a fooled Puerto Ricans

Some of whom are yet

Waiting for housing

And still pretty wet

DJ described the in-bound Florence

As “tremendously big”

And “tremendously wet”

Quite articulate, our President

An intellectually challenged President

Would be a bit easier to take

If he or she wasn’t so intent

On proving he or she was half-baked

Here’s the thing, DJ

You’re driving us up a wall

Could you just put a lid on it

And maybe go hit a golf ball

DEMOCRACY, FLAWED BUT THE BEST ALTERNATIVE

DJ is a Dude

With limited mental ability

How he became President

Shows a weakness in democracy

Sometimes the people

Make inappropriate choices

Sometimes they are swayed

By attractive sounding voices

And it certainly did not help

That the opposing party candidate

Had significant negatives

And the obtuseness of an inebriated bandit

The really disturbing thing is that

Many supporters of the pouty-mouth winner

Haven’t yet acknowledged their mistake

But have doubled down on the shyster

So democracy is not perfect

But at least everyone has a say

Sometimes you get a dud

But there is another day

PLAID SHIRT GUY

(For those who missed it, a young man was removed from a Trump rally over the weekend for subversive facial expressions. He was in the crowd behind Trump and visible to the TV cameras.)

Here’s the real problem

With the case of the Plaid Shirt Dude

The Secret Service was policing

A Presidential political rally interlude

Of course the Secret Service

Has to protect the President

But the President shouldn’t be conducting rallies

Like he was a candidate

Taxpayers should not be paying the bill

For DJ’s political props

If DJ wants such stuff

Let him hire private cops

DJ is becoming

The most expensive President in history

He and his multiple family members

Are breaking the Treasury

For example, Eric and Don Jr.

With Secret Service protection

Opened a golf club in far away Dubai

For the Trump organization

NIKE AND KAEPERNICK

Nike and Kaepernick

Quite a twosome

Some say Nike’s

Suffering will be gruesome

But who is most opposed

To Nike’s action?

Old white guys

Many in traction

Still, by unnecessarily

Taking sides

Nike might be in

For a bumpy ride

Many Americans are uncomfortable

With protests in forums

Much removed from

The underlying problems

Besides, Kaepernick

With his weird ‘do

Has a sympathy ranking

Not much higher than two