ARMAGEDDON OR THE APOCALYPSE

 

The Orange Hoax’s campaign platform:
Armageddon or the Apocalypse
I will bring on Armageddon
To prevent the Apocalypse
Or maybe it’s bring on the Apocalypse
To prevent Armageddon
In any case vote for me
And we’ll all go down
In a blaze of glory

ANTI-WOKE TEACHING

 

What can teachers teach
In an anti-woke nation?
That there was no slavery in America
Just an influx of African emigration
 
That the so-called Civil War
Was just an exhilarating event
With blue states on one side
And grey states on the other
The outcome being a mutual agreement
 
That the birds and the bees
Are best left alone
When the critters get aroused
They can make you groan
 
That Govs DeSantis and Youngkin
Are first-class educators
Also outstanding creators, administrators
And most definitely not exaggerators

BARBARIAN RELIGION

 

Another mass shooting in America
A nation that worships the gun
Such a religion would have appealed to
Barbarians like Attila the Hun
 
Modern-day assault weapons
Should not enjoy the protection
Of the Second Amendment’s archaic wording
Which was adopted at a time
When “Arms” meant ye ol’ flintlock
And only wars had mass shooting

DAVID’S JUNK

  

Parental complaints at a Florida school
Cost a principal her position
She hadn’t given parents the required notification
Prior to a presentation
On Michelangelo’s sculpture of David
Naked with nothing left to the imagination
 
You have to be a real prude
To say no to cultural history
Or maybe the protestors

Werent prudes at all
But people who thought Michelangelo
Had sculpted David’s junk too small

WRONGED OR BETRAYED

 

Once again the Orange Hoax
Has captured the essence of his base
Those feeling “wronged or betrayed”
View the Hoax as their ace
 
Speaking Saturday in Texas
The Hoax called himself
“Your warrior” and “your justice”
If returned to the 1600 Penn Ave location
he would become “your retribution”

SELF BEFORE COUNTRY

 

The Orange Hoax ups the anti
Personally attacking the Manhattan DA
Threatening “potential death and destruction”
Implicitly putting lives in play
 
Rarely has an American politician
Shown such self-infatuation
And hatred for the nation
As the loquacious Orange Hoax
In his attempts at restoration

PLAY WITH HIS MIND

 

What prosecutors should do
Regarding the Orange Hoax
Is continue high-profile investigating
But never do any charging
 
The Hoax would be driven bonkers
And maybe to a medical collapse
That would remove him from the stage
And put the nation back on track, perhaps

THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING HIM

Another day, no arrest
The Orange Hoax is getting furious
He wants his moment of total attention
A moment he would find marvelous
 
Forty-four Presidents have preceded him
And not one was arrested
He’ll go down in history
His legacy not likely to be tested

NOT ARRESTED YET?

 

The Orange Hoax promised
He would be arrested Tuesday
Maybe he should just drive to the jail
And demand to be put away
 
He so much wants
To appear the victim
Believing this would motivate
The loyal MAGA base
To restore his American Caliphate

PLEASE RIOT, PLEASE

 

The Orange Hoax so much wants
A second insurrection
It would prove in his mind that he remains
A magnificent national obsession
 
He’s in effect telling his MAGAs
“Please run amuck
Riot, pillage, and plunder
Leave the nation thunderstruck”

TO THE RESCUE

 

One Swiss bank, UBS
Has moved to rescue another,
Credit Swisse
Will this restore financial bliss
Or is the world still tottering
On the edge of an abyss?
 
Don’t ask Ron DeSantis or the Orange Hoax
They're too busy ferreting out woke
Real world problems
Make them choke

HE WANTS TO BE ARRESTED

 

The Orange Hoax says
He expects an arrest
He wants his worshipers
To publicly massively protest
 
Thus he’s turning to
The only success of his Administration
And that was instigating
A mob insurrection

SANTOS UPDATE

 

How’s George getting along?
Apparently pretty swell
Giving speeches in Congress
Serving his constituents well
 
So is that it
For a couple of years
George pretending to be a Congressman
Republicans pretending he’s not theirs?

MARCH MADNESS

 

The ‘Hoos went one and done
Thus not prolonging the agony
And enabling their fans
To return to their apathy
 
That’s the great thing about
Your team taking an early out
You can then enjoy the tournament
Without any further emotional wipeout

TURN BACK THE CLOCK

 

Is return to 1930s isolationism
What DeSantis and friends want?
C’mon Ron, it’s 2023
What happens over there
Affects life over here
Or haven’t you heard about
That Internet thingy in gear

ELON MUSK HAVING FUN

 

Twitter apparently played a central role
In the Silicon Valley Bank run
So was the situation little more
Than Elon Musk having a bit of fun?
 
Maybe this is just the beginning
Of Twitter-aided panics
The possibilities are endless
Rumors, conspiracies, all varieties of fanatics

BANKING GIBBERISH

 

Cryptocurrency fans are saying
“We told you so”
Cryptocurrency skeptics are saying
“Take your funny money and go”
 
Who really understands
How the banking system functions?
The system fundamentally depends on
Maintaining consumer consumptions
Assumptions, presumptions, and delusions
 
In other words
The functioning of the banking system
Rests on intangibles
Which resist precise description
But are not expendables

POLITICIANS LICK THEIR CHOPS

 

Silicon Valley Bank in California
Went belly-up big-time
Will non-insured depositors
Have to lose their dime?
 
Whoa! Big-time bank failure
Means big-time political issue
Politicians right and left
Are licking their chops
Looking to pull out
All the rhetorical stops

TYPING PAPER

 

In an old box
Up in the attic
Found something called “Typing Paper”
Vaguely familiar
But couldn’t quite place it
 
And then the mental fog
Began to lift
Many decades ago, typing class
Sitting between Karen and Nancy
Hoping I wouldn’t pass gas

Pecking away at a rudimentary beast

Called a typewriter

Most of which are now deceased

CAN THE CENTER HOLD?

 

Far-right Republicans are myopically attached
To low taxes and deficit spending control
Far-Left Democrats are myopically attached
To an ending inequities goal
Without a functioning political center
The clash of the extremes could throw
The economy into a toilet bowl
 
Thus the nation approaches
The budgetary season
Which will prevail
Chaos or the rule of reason?

TUCKER MAKES WAR DOCUMENTARY

 

Tucker is selecting film

For a documentary on war
With the goal of showing
It’s nothing to abhor
And really quite a bore
 
There are soldiers in a mess hall
  Having evening chow
An engineer doing roadwork
  Riding a big plow
A clerk in an office
  Displaying computer know-how
Visiting entertainers
  Causing the troops to wow
And a soldier’s pet kitty
  Going meow
 
Yes, war is not that bad
Tucker certainly knows
He’s watched McHale’s Navy, Gomer Pyle
And similar TC shows

KEVIN AND TUCKER

 

Kevin and Tucker
Have become media targets
Two-faced and two-tongued
They are ideal comic subjects
 
Could Kevin be remembered
As the most inept Speaker in history?
Could Tucker’s contribution be
A negative turn in Fox’s legacy?

FOX, FOR NEWS YOU LIKE

 

Fox needs a new slogan
Downplaying their portrayal
As a news organization
And highlighting their emphasis
On prejudicial presentation
 
Turn to Fox
If unhappy with the news
Our prejudicial presentation
Will chase away your blues
 
Tucker, Sean, Laura
Hop on the bandwagon
Don’t pretend anymore
That bias and bigotry
Aren’t what your followers adore

WHEELS OF JUSTICE

 

In a world where almost everything
Is operating at warp speed
One area seems
To have missed the call
The wheels of justice turn slowly
Sometimes seemingly not at all
When will the Orange Hoax and George Santos
Feel the hammer of justice fall?

WANNABE PRESIDENTS

 

Apparently a necessary step
For wannabes seeking the Presidency
Is to produce a book
With gravitas and seriousness aplenty
 
Notice “produce” rather than “write”
Because such works are mostly
The outcome of collaboration
Between the wannabe and writers
Who pen most of the presentation
 
Ron DeSantis has the latest effort
By a presidential wannabe
Give it a read if you must
Think I’ll stick to the TV

QUESTIONS

 

Is Joe too old
To be President?
Is the Orange Hoax too criminally inclined
To return as White House resident?
 
Is Jim Jordan too dense
For a weaponization committee?
Is Marjorie Taylor Greene too mentally challenged
To live in a big city?
 
Are MAGA Republicans too belligerent
To participate in a democracy?
Are Republicans in general too diverse
To be a political party?
 
Has the Electoral College
Become an anachronism?
Is so,
Would the necessary Constitutional Amendment
Ever make it through
Red state antagonism?

HOOS WELCOME LIZ

 

Liz Cheney’s new gig
Is at the U of V
Involving research, teaching
And in her words participating
“In other University” activity
 
Once upon a time
The U of V was
A party school extraordinaire
A la the movie Animal House
So Liz, are you prepared
To let down your hair
And dance the dirty dog
At a Wahoo weekend fair?
(At least Kevin and Marjorie
Won’t be there)

WOKE AND PROUD OF IT

 

Cranky is woke
And proud to be in the queue
What is woke?
Don’t have a clue
But look at the crowd
condemning things as woke
Most of them
Belong in a zoo

CLEANING UP THE MESS

 

Thirty thousand truck loads
Of Ohio toxic waste
Is looking for a home
Does your state have any space?
 
Say a big empty area
Mostly dust and dirt
With no humans or wildlife
Or bugs that could get hurt

AI CHATBOT

 

Did AI Chatbot
Produce this verse?
Or was it Cranky the human
Being perverse
 
If you find it entertaining
It was obviously Cranky
If you find it gibberish
It was the Chatbot obviously

RON VERSUS GOOFY

 

Ron DeSantis’
War on Disney
Does not bode well
For his possible presidency
 
With all the serious matters
Presented to the President
Would there really be time
To pursue Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse
For an alleged crime?
 
Ron seems motivated
By ephemeral wokeness
And personal vendettas
Rather than bona fide government business

MAYBE MOLDOVA?

 

Unable to take Ukraine
Putin might have his sights on Moldova
A neighbor to Ukraine’s south
And if that doesn’t work out
Maybe it’s exile to Siberia
Where he could while away his remaining years
Playing “glorious history” trivia

NATIONAL DIVORCE

Marjorie Taylor Greene
Wants the red states and blue states
To pursue formal separation
She wants red state goobers
And blue state goobers
To each live in isolation
 
But the problem is, Marjorie
Some red goobers
Live in blue states
And some blue goobers
Live in red states
So what’s the solution?
Forced migration?

ONE YEAR AGO

 

One year ago
Slashing into Ukraine
Came the Russian Bear
Intent on conquest
But Ukraine is still there
 
Putin envisioned himself
As restoring the legacy
Of first the Czars and then Joseph Stalin
And their “glorious history”
 
But within that “glorious history”
Is much rampaging and slaughtering
Which pretty much describes
What Putin is accomplishing

“I PROMISED”

 

Kevin said “I promised”
To release the Capitol security tapes
But Kevin, you didn’t promise them only
To the Fox biased news flakes
Particularly the show-boating Tucker
Who’s known for his fact reshapes

WOKE OR JOKE

 

The Democratic Party
May be woke
But the Republican Party
Is becoming a joke
 
There’s Kevin McCarthy
Giving Fox’s Tucker Carlson
Exclusive access to security tapes
For him to comment on
 
Or George Santos
Of embellishment fame
Truth to him
Is just plain lame
 
Or Marjorie Taylor Greene
Screeching through life
craving attention
Luxuriating in strife
 
So maybe being woke
Is not so bad
When the alternative is
A Comedic Olympiad

JOE GOES TO UKRAINE

 

Joe goes to Ukraine
Says the West is a staunch ally
Then gives a speech in Poland
Sticking a finger in Putin’s eye
 
This is looking more and more
Like a long drawn-out war
The only quick end might require
Russians throwing Putin out the door

EMBELLISHMENT GAP

 

Resume writers are needed
By the Democratic National Committee
To close the embellishment gap
With the Grand Old Party
 
George Devolder Santos put
Embellishment on the Republican agenda
Other Republicans are now jumping
Into the embellishment hacienda
Most notably Andy Ogles of Tennessee
And to a lesser extent
Anna Paulina Luma of Florida
 
It might not be long before
Republicans formally embrace the new direction
By establishing an embellishment caucus
To aid in embellishment collection

PRESIDENTIAL RANKINGS

 

President’s Day
A time for a look at the archive
In 2021 a C-SPAN survey
Of Presidential historians
Gave Presidential rankings a dive
At the bottom were three Presidents
From the Civil War era
Pierce, Johnson, Buchanan
And number Forty-Five

JOKE TV

 

Three Fox “News” commentators
Carlson, Ingraham, Hannity
Sold their souls for money
And henceforth reside
In journalistic infamy
 
Off the air they admitted
The Orange Loser was not re-elected
On the air they asserted
Fraud, corruption, and facts convoluted

MARJORIE AND GEORGE TEAM UP

 

Marjorie Taylor Greene
Is the MAGA queen
George Devolder Santos
Is the liars club host
 
The two are among
The co-sponsors of a measure
That would ban school books
Which incur the far-right’s displeasure
 
That’s what the nation needs
The federal government reviewing school books
To insure the books reflect
How the whackos' world looks

QUIBBLING

Since his State of the Union triumph
And the economy’s favorable performance
Republicans are reduced to quibbling
In their struggle with Uncle Joe
And his governance
 
Example is the Chinese balloon thing
Republican Marjorie Taylor Greene
Screeched that the giant balloon
Should have been destroyed
The first afternoon
 
Really Marjorie?
Dropping the several ton contraption
Onto a town or city
Seems like an unnecessary
Overreaction 

STEALING PUPPIES

 

Stealing puppies
From an Amish Farmer
What’s next, George
Molesting the farmer’s daughter?
 
Or maybe a scam
Targeting orphans
They’re your type of target
Vulnerable unprotected little humans

NIKKI STEPS FORWARD

 

Nikki Haley is in the race
How many more wannabe Presidents
Will formally announce their desire
To occupy the White House residence?
 
The Odious Orange Loser
Is hoping for a lot
The more crowded the primary field
The more he likely has a shot

PUTIN’S SLAUGHTER

 

Putin is ramping up his effort
To resume the offense
He’s throwing Russian bodies
Indiscriminately into the fray
Casualties will likely be immense
 
It’s how the Soviets defeated Germany
Back in WW Two
Putin certainly hopes
The strategy is good for a redo

LITTLE GREEN MEN

 

Chinese spy balloons?
What these things really are
Is little green men from afar
Come to take our intellectual measure
We could get them to go away
by having them observe
the House Weaponization Committee
in session for a day

SUPER BOWL

 

Super Bowl Sunday
Time to take a break
From the political kerfuffle
That is giving the nation a headache
 
Chiefs and Eagles
Who’s your money behind?
You are betting, right?
Or are you a weirdo of some kind?
 
Just know that
Online sports betting sites
Are coming for you
And your house and car
And your pension too

CLOWN-CAR CAUCUS

 

The Clown-Car Caucus
Also called the Republican Party
Is pursuing its primary goal
Which is affirming conspiracy
 
Weaponizing the deep state
The FBI colluding with the Presidency
The Biden family’s activities
The Caucus is bent on finding
Democratic impropriety
 
The heck with the economy and policy
Foreign affairs are of little concern
What the Clown-Car Caucus wants
Is to make the Dems squirm

PUFFY COAT

 

Marjorie Taylor Greene
Did a George Costanza
Sporting a puffy coat
At the State of the Union extravaganza
 
Then during Joe’s Speech
She did a Kramer
By disruptive conduct that included
Screeching the President was a liar

SICK PUPPY

 

Mitt Romney has roused the wrath
Of Sick Puppies everywhere
He said George Santos was one of them
And they don’t think that’s fair
 
Take it easy, Sick Puppies
Mitt was just shooting from the hip
Most likely it was something that
In hindsight he regrets letting slip

JOE HITS THE LONG BALL

 

At the State of the Union speech

Joe was pretty pumped
Telling us how well he’s done
He didn’t seem eighty
Maybe no more than sixty-one
 
As Joe got more feisty
Kevin seemed to grow more morose
His blinks became longer and longer
He looked like he’d just eaten burnt toast
 
A big question of the night was
Would George Santos be there
And by golly he was!
Wonder if he’ll be there next year
Mitt Romney reportedly told him
“You don’t belong here”
 
Maybe the most eye-catching thing
Was Arizona’s Kirsten Sinema
Sporting a bright yellow outfit
With huge puffy shoulder sleeves
Making her look like a piñata

ORANGE LOSER LET IN THREE BALLOONS

 

During the Orange Loser’s Administration
Three Chinese spy balloons
Transited the United States
Probably while the Loser
Was watching cartoons
 
This most definitely was
A most deplorable situation
And certainly requires
A Special Counsel investigation

VOTERS AREN’T EXCITED

 

Polls are showing
Americans are not particularly happy
About either party’s leading contender
For White House residency
 
But maybe lack of enthusiasm
Is for the best
When Americans get too excited
They can create a mess
Witness the Jan 6 insurrection
Where thanks to an overheated mob
Democracy was in distress

MAV GETS BALLOON

 

Maverick’s F-22
Came in low
The balloon sought higher air
Mav flipped on his back
The balloon said “No fair”
Mav countered “Sorry ‘bout that”
And sent a Sidewinder on a tear
 
Meanwhile MAGA Republicans
Took the opportunity
To bad-mouth the President
Thus proving for them
Everything is a political event 

BALLOON ATTACK!

 

How should the nation respond
When it is invaded by
A really big balloon
Way up in the sky?
 
Shoot it down?
Taunt is that the best you can do?
Launch a retaliatory balloon?
Stop feeding the pandas in the National Zoo?

"GIMME EAT"

 

On Wednesday
The House Judiciary Committee
Had a heated debate regarding
A proposal that the pledge of allegiance
Begin each committee meeting
 
The debate quickly degenerated into
“I’m more of a patriot than you”
It was reminiscent of
The Glorious Loyalty Oath Crusade
Of Joseph Heller’s Catch 22
 
So Matt Gaetz
In the words of Major ___ de Coverley
“Gimme eat”
How’s that for loyalty?

KEVIN AND JOE

 

Kevin and Joe
Had a meeting
Concerning the debt ceiling
Kevin emerged beaming
MAGA Republicans began screaming
 
We don’t want compromise, they shouted
We want insurrection
We want total victory
We want our Orange Lord
Back in the Presidency