PRODUCER OF CRISES

With advisors at Camp David

The National Emergency is meeting

Pondering ways to give Iran

A really nasty beating

His bellicose threats

Have fallen quite flat

His sanctions have failed

To bring Iran to bat

And this is all due

To a crisis he himself produced

In an effort to dis Obama

And Obama’s legacy reduce

 😆     😈     😡    💥

COUGH OF THE DAY

“I’m a man with common sense.” (Cough)

TEN MINUTES TO ARMAGEODDON

Ten short minutes

That’s how close we were

To nuclear Armageddon

The National Emergency kept us from war

At least that’s his story

Any reason to doubt him?

Well, there are two years

Of exaggeration, distortion, and verbal mayhem

If the nation’s security decision-making

Has deteriorated to the Orange Ogre’s gut

Then bend over

Pull your head between your legs

And kiss goodbye to your butt

 😕     😖     😒     😓

COUGH OF THE DAY

The General said, Sir, I’d like to get back to you on how many Iranians would be killed. (Cough)

ARE WE AT WAR?

Are we at war yet?

The National Emergency seemed reluctant

Or maybe he was just strategizing

But then our internet and TV went out

Down on the Outer Banks

Cut off from news

Not knowing what was going on

Not hearing the talking heads’ views

😕     😕     😕     😕

THE ENTERTAINER

Yesterday in Orlando

The Entertainer in Chief

Auditioned for another four years

Of bringing the nation grief

His act is getting old

Old and really stale

His clichés are mundane

His lies make you wail

His gestures make you snicker

His personal attacks make you winch

His self-worship makes you angry

His so-called hair makes you itch

But some of your fellow citizens

Enjoy the spectacle

Of a pompous loud-mouth jerk

Yanking the establishment’s tail

😡     😡     😡

COUGH OF THE DAY

Our air and water are the cleanest they’ve

ever been by far (Cough)

ONLY THE BEST NUMBERS

The National Emergency told his staff

“I only want the best numbers

I hear there are numbers that are prime

Only bring me prime numbers”

The staff scratched their heads

“Sir, we don’t quite follow you”

“I said only use prime numbers

What, were you people born in a zoo?”

So the staff got a few prime numbers

Three, seven, eleven, fifty-nine

And brought him the list

“They look good but I also like twenty

 Add twenty to the rest”

“But Sir, twenty is not prime

It can be formed by multiplying

Two smaller natural numbers

Calling it prime would be lying”

“Multiplying, so what?

Add it to the rest

I like it so it’s prime

And announce it to the press”

So the White House announced

The promotion of twenty

To the ranks of prime numbers

Making the National Emergency happy

Mitch McConnell said OK

Most Republicans went along

It was either that or

To the Trump team no longer belong

********************************

COUGH OF THE DAY

We have a great vetting process (Cough)

(COUGH)

I’m the greatest ever (Cough)

No one is greater (Cough)

I know more than anybody (Cough)

I have a great looking body (Cough)

No one is smarter (Cough)

No one is wiser (Cough)

My gut lets me know what is right (Cough)

I’m not susceptible to intellectual blight (Cough)

No one does deals like me (Cough)

I did not do the Russian pee (Cough)

I do not have tiny hands (Cough)

Nor any tiny glands (Cough)

My economy is the best ever (Cough)

I will lie to you never (Cough)

I am so rich it’s silly (Cough)

I don’t do things willy-nilly (Cough)

My golf game is almost par (Cough)

My ethics are way above the bar (Cough)

I treat women with respect (Cough)
My taxes you are free to inspect (Cough)

With Russia I did not collude (Cough)
Nor with a porn star get nude (Cough)

PRECISE LANGUAGE

Rick Santorum says

The National Emergency’s language

Is sometimes not precise

Duh, you think so Rick?

Your insight is so concise

If the National Emergency

Spoke math instead of words

Two plus two would equal eight

Four cows would be seven birds

Make any sense?

Of course not

Just like the National Emergency’s discourse

Resembles a possum doing the foxtrot

GONNA MISS YA’ SARAH; NOT

Sarah Huckabee Sanders

Is going back to Arkansas

Maybe run for Governor

Following the footsteps of her Pa

She was the ideal Press Secretary

For the lyingest President ever

Turning her office into

A fabrication endeavor

In the years ahead

When your kids ask “any regrets?”

Just look’em in the eye

And say go play with your pets

Particularly that snake I got you

The one with the fangs

He reminds me of my days

Arranging the Orange Ogre’s bangs

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Happy Birthday

To the Great Orange Hun

Being the total boss

He probably had a lot of fun

Maybe with a porn star or two

He watched erotic monkeys

Doing the nasty at the zoo

Or hanging with Kim Jong Un and Putin

His autocratic pals

He compared notes on diet

To control his enormous jowls

One thing he likely didn’t do

Was any Presidential work

Which just like most days

He leaves to some geeky staff jerk

MOST CORRUPT PRESIDENT EVER?

Most corrupt President in history?

The current White House occupant is the one

Certainly there has been none more corrupt

Than the Great Orange Hun

How corrupt is the Orange Hun?

Let’s put it this way

If his lies and corrupt actions were bees

Circumnavigating the hive would take all day

His corruption is murky and insidious

Self-aggrandization is its goal

Ends justify any means

Tells all that needs to be told

DID THE DONALD JUST ADMIT TO TREASON?

The Orange Incompetent

May have just admitted to treason

He suggested information on a political opponent

Even if from a foreign government

Was okay irregardless the reason

And his FBI Director

Who said otherwise

Was simply wrong

Implying the Director

Would be wise to revise

Topped yourself again, Mr. National Emergency

Just when we think

You’ve gone as far as you can go

You go further, into the dirty sink

LOVE THEM TARIFFS!

Got a problem?

Tariffs are the answer

At least according to the National Emergency

He likes the resulting rancor

From free traders

Adherents of globalization

And others whose intellectual development

Has moved beyond the 1930s’ Depression

In addition

Tariffs make nations mad

And the National Emergency

Enjoys being bad

A crisis a day

Is his motto

Otherwise life's boring

Like contemplating your big toe

MARITAL RULES FROM THE NATIONAL EMERGENCY

(For men only; women are nasty)

Rule One, Keep your spouse off balance

Pretend you’re mad even when you’re not

Glare constantly and grunt conspicuously

To keep her stomach in a knot

Rule Two, Play around

Preferably with porn stars

They’re generally good looking

And you can find them in bars

Rule Three, Keep your spouse

On a short tether

Don’t give her much money

Even in hot weather

BABY TRUMP BALLOONS FOR THE FOURTH!

The National Emergency is asserting himself

Deep into the July 4th celebration

He wants it to be all about him

The hell with the rest of the nation

Where can we get those huge balloons

with diaper, orange head, tiny hands, pouty mouth?

They would be just the thing to help him

Celebrate on the Mall come the 4th

If not a few big ones

Maybe thousands of the smaller

Blanketing downtown DC from Capitol Hill

To the 1600 Penn Avenue squalor

PS: Check Google for sales info

PRESIDENTIAL TROLLING

Trolling is becoming

The new world order

Spreading disinformation and misinformation

Beyond your personal border

Let’s make it explicit

Lies, falsehood, distortions

Fibbing, hyperbole, exaggeration

All fall under “trolling”

At some level of definition

The Internet rapidly deteriorated

From a way to spread the truth

To a way to troll unceasingly

From your little home booth

Even the President of the nation

Is a trolling freak

Undisciplined, belligerent, unrestrained

Spouting lies in a deep blue streak

TURNING THE CORNER?

The National Emergency’s European jaunt

Was a bit of a letdown

He didn’t make a complete ass of himself

He was only partially a clown

Is this a turning of the corner?

Is this a new direction?

Let us hope not else he may gain

Four more years for national deterioration

Oops, an interview just surfaced

Against a backdrop of an American cemetery

The Orange One has returned to outrageous stuff

So any conduct improvement attempt

Has been pitched far into the rough

"THE WAR WAS VERY FAR AWAY"

The National Emergency muttered

“The war was very far away”

Was how he explained his aversion

To serving his country back in the day

OK, Great Orange Pumpkin

I guess that’ll have to do

Too bad the names on the Wall

Didn’t have the same options as you

A rich daddy

And draft board pull

That’s all it took

To stay home by the pool

JUNE 6, 1944

Seventy-five years ago

June 6, 1944

They went across the Channel

And opened the door

To the liberation of France

And the defeat of Hitler’s Germany

But D-Day on the beaches

Was a close thing in Normandy

American, British, Canadian forces

Were involved that day

Plus Free French elements

All going into the fray

In the British-Canadian sector

The beaches were Sword, Juno, Gold

That’s where their troops came ashore

So youthful and so bold

The beaches were Utah and Omaha

In the American sector

Utah wasn’t too bad

Omaha was almost a disaster

In the first wave on Omaha was

The First Infantry Division, the Big Red One

Veteran of North Africa, Sicily,

And a few wars later Vietnam

The other first wave division

At Omaha that day

Was the Twenty-Ninth Infantry

The Blue and the Grey

A National Guard Division

Far away from home

From Maryland and Virginia

The Old Line State and the Old Dominion

So set aside a few moments

On this anniversary

And imagine how it was

Wading ashore on Normandy

QUEENS' RIFFRAFF VISIT THE QUEEN

The National Emergency likes pageantry

Thus his London trip has been great

The Brits have pulled out all the stops

Except giving him a nasty girl to date

The Queen she pampered and praised him

The Prime Minister treated him well

The hostile crowds he pretended

Were really quite swell

As an unnecessary added ingredient

He brought most of his family

Apparently equating the bunch

With genuine British Royalty

Ivanka, Jared, Eric, Don Jr.

Quite a menagerie

Also Tiffany and a few grandkids

Riffraff from Queens on a spree

STONE COLD LOSER

The National Emergency whispered to the Queen

“Are you a nasty girl?”

The Queen replied, “So nasty

It’ll make your head swirl”

The National Emergency gulped

And started shaking with anticipation

But then the Queen poured cold water

On his expectation

“Look, Lard Butt,” she said

“You’re a stone cold loser

An uncouth colonial

A brick-headed diet-coke boozer”

“The crown jewels of the Kingdom

Are way outta your league

Stick to groping porn stars

And eating like Porky Pig”

BLIMEY

To London to see the Queen

So goes the National Emergency

And maybe to irk the Brits

Who resent his undisciplined energy

Who he really wants to see

Is Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle

She’s a nasty gal

And nasty rings his bell

He’ll also harass a bit

Outgoing Prime Minister May

Who couldn’t stymie Brexit

And is not being asked to stay

Just what the Brits need

At this time of trouble

Is shoot-from-the-hip advice

From an empty headed Orange Air Bubble

LOW IQ PORPOISE

Don’tcha just love

When the National Emergency gets red in the face

And makes ludicrous statements

That puzzle even his base

And the media take him seriously

Analyzing every word, twitch, and pause

When really all you have to say is

He’s a lost cause

Attributing his antics

To strategy and purpose

Is being way too generous

To the low IQ porpoise