DJ AND RUSSIA

DJ’s one-time campaign manager

The Honorable Paul Manafort

Is beginning to look like

A bona fide Russian Oligarch

He was even involved

In the mess in Ukraine

Backing a Russian puppet

Of Vladimir Putaine

So how did this

International huckster

Become a central player

In the Trump muster

Was this all

Part of Putin’s plan

To subvert democracy

In our land

The Trump-Putin connection

Is looking darker and deeper

In our conspiracy-obsessed world

This might be a keeper

DJ AIN'T LOOKING GOOD

DJ ain’t looking good these days

Hasn’t suffered a Hillary-style fainting spell

But looks permanently disgruntled

As if he’d dropped a valuable down a well

His tweets are becoming

More ludicrous and contradictory

Perhaps evidence of a mind

Detaching from reality

His hair, oh, how to describe it

Such an extraordinary mess

Except to say

It looks like a nest, rat that is

How about that senior staff

A decidedly ancient collection

As for the younger ones

This won’t look good on a future job application

And then those outside advisors

Such as Bannon, Ledowski, Stone

These clowns don’t have brain

Just really thick bone

DON JUNIOR GOING TO THE SLAMMER?

Don Junior’s maybe heading to the slammer

A question is, will his new amour

Kimberly G recently of Fox News

Wait for his return at the jailhouse door?

Perhaps it depends on the sentence

One to three, maybe she won’t be gone

Three to five, unlikely to stick around

A gal can wait only so long

Will Don Junior have some company?

Jerrod Kushner could be a cellmate

Junior and his brother-in-law

Have a lot about which they could ruminate

That meeting with a Russian in Trump Tower

At the top of the list would be

A meeting at which much was promised or not

Depending on who’s telling the story

Or maybe Junior could bunk

With former campaign manager Manafort

And admire his ostrich jacket

At a top flight prison resort

DJ VS. LEBRON

DJ wants LeBron

To stick to his dribbling

And stop pestering the nation

With his political quibbling

LeBron wants DJ

To act like a leader

Not a goober bitten by

A dengue fever ‘skeeter

Melania is on LeBron’s side

Which makes DJ furious

Almost to the point of being

Absolutely delirious

LeBron’s fellow jocks

Are largely in his line

Which gives DJ

More enemies to malign

So who’s next in DJ’s sights?

Athletes, Veterans, Europe, and Asia

Have all been denigrated

Are teachers, parents, and nuns now on the agenda?

TRUMP UNDER OATH

Just image Trump is finally sitting

For an interview with Mueller

And the time comes for an oath

On what he is about to utter.

Mr. President, do you solemnly swear

To tell the truth

The whole truth

And nothing but the truth.

To many of those present

The gap between the oath and the oath-taker

Is so ludicrously large

That they collapse in laughter

Maybe for congenital fibbers

There should be different diction

Some words that give them leeway

To mix facts with a little fiction

Mr. President, do you solemnly swear

To the best of your ability

To keep the coming testimony

Within the realm of plausibility

COUNTDOWN TO NOVEMBER

As the November election approaches

DJ is shifting gears

Doubling his falsehood output

To its highest level in two years

Monster rallies to energize his base

Get the loonies really riled up

Push them to the edge

All the way to erupt

Maybe initiate a little violence

Against the unfair fake news

Nothing really serious

No bleeding just bruise

Rallies are DJ’s thing

Where he can really let go

No boring details of governing

To distract him from the show

His foils in the media

Are penned in the rear

Where he can point them out

For his followers to jeer

ID FOR GROCERIES

An ID to buy groceries

That infuriates many

But it’s something we have to live with

Here in the land of the plenty

Imagine the level of chaos

If just by paying money

Anyone could buy groceries

Milk, bread, and honey

So stand with DJ to prevent

The sale of groceries without ID

Otherwise illegal immigrants

Will overrun the whole darn country

Incidentally, the last time DJ

Went to the grocery store

It was an A&P

And they don’t exist anymore

And the reason why?

Most likely because A&P stopped requiring

Identification to buy

IS CRANKY A POET?

Cranky’s in his fourth week of poetry

And he has a query

Is it too soon to identify himself

As a bona fide poet officially?

People say to Cranky

Why do you waste your time

Writing frivolous poems

That often barely rhyme

Why not serious things

Policy papers, regression analysis, and stuff

Things that scholars ruminate upon

While sitting on their duff

Well, this is the Age of Trump

Of fake news and alternative facts

Of social media turning minds

Into decorative hat racks

Intellectual stuff

Is no longer in vogue

Twitter has become

The mother lode

COLLUSION

DJ says he didn’t collude

Never colluded, ever, not close

Doesn’t even know what collusion is

Just knows he’s never had a dose

Rudy says even if DJ did collude

It’s not a big to-do

Not even a minor crime

Just a little miscue

So when is collusion a no-no?

Maybe with another when you cheat on your spouse

Maybe with Putin

When you play the obedient mouse

Does collusion have a time component?

Sometimes it just fades away

For example, DJ and Melania obviously haven’t colluded

In many, many a day

Rudy may be doing his own colluding

Just not very successfully

The struggles between his mind and his mouth

Are painful to see

GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN

DJ is again

Threatening to shut down the Government

That should work out well

For Republicans seeking November employment

What he wants is his wall

And Mexico will eventually provide funding

So all he needs is a loan

‘Til them pesos come a running

A big beautiful wall

With his name on it in gold

And maybe a scorpion as an emblem

Of the nation’s diminishing world role

That’s what we need in September

Another government shutdown

Shutdowns have become a regular occurrence

Hope not a sign of democracy meltdown

A government in a free society

Is only as good as its hierarchy

That being the case, the forecast

Is cloudy with a chance of malarkey

DJ NAILED THE ECONOMY

We have DJ all wrong

Thanks to his economic acumen

GDP went through the roof

Likely never to descend again

GDP up, unemployment down

It seems so darn simple

Yet his predecessors

Couldn’t find the handle

Nothing complex about the economy

It’s as simple as can be

All you need to do

Is watch Fox News on TV

Clinton, Bush, Obama

Those who preceded

They just didn’t understand

The nuances of what was needed

So Mueller please back off

Don’t harm our growing economy

Maybe DJ did commit some crimes

But that’s the price of prosperity

SOURDOUGH TOE

Was cutting a loaf of bread

Made of sourdough

The knife slipped and point first

Pierced my hammer toe

Lordy was there blood

It was a veritable flood

Grabbed a paper towel

And down to the floor I went

The towel was quickly soaked

As the flow was quite persistent

Holding the toe in the soaked towel

I inched my way to the table

Where I pulled down a week’s supply of napkins

And tried to make things stable

To make a long story short

I eventually brought the flow to a stop

And in the future won’t be cutting sourdough

With my foot in a flip-flop

DOUBLE STANDARD

If a Democrat had staged

A fraction of what Trump has staged

The lying, the name calling, the cuddling up to Putin

Republicans would be positively outraged

If a Democrat had shown

A fraction of Trump’s befuddlement

The border, the tariffs, the NATO belittling

Republicans would be seeking an indictment

If a Democrat had lied

A fraction of the times Trump has lied

Republicans would be screaming

For his or her hide

In short, there’s a political double standard

If you’re a Republican stuff is OK

If you’re a Democrat

No damn way Jose

Adultery, lying, cheating

If you’re a Republican named Trump, no big deal

But if you’re a Democrat

You just put your career on repeal

THE TAPE

What kind of lawyer would tape a client?

A lawyer with a client like Trump

A lawyer who wants some self-protection

When the client is a truth-adverse chump

So does the tape prove any crime?

We’ll leave that one for the legalese

What it does prove, as if any further prove were needed

Is that Trump is a first class sleaze

Despite Giuliani’s distorted analysis

Cash or check is really not interesting

What is of interest is that DJ

Was buying silence for an adulterous fling

Will any of this really matter

Not unless the mid-term voting

Produces a Democrat majority

That might seriously consider a Trump-roasting

Oh, by the way

Putin’s not coming to DC

He most likely had quite enough of Trump

During that one day in Helsinki

TARIFFS

Trump turns to tariffs

To send the trade deficit down

So who is feeling the pain?

Farmers, many of whom voted for the clown

Trump is considering farm aid

To prevent harm to his constituency

Where is that money coming from?

He’ll borrow from the Treasury

So let’s analyze the economics

Trade deficit down, budget deficit up

Maybe one of his thick-headed economists

Can explain how that’s a help

Trump’s grasp of complexity

Is pretty much nil

One cause, one effect

And everything else stands still

But the world ain’t like that, Donald

It has feedback loops beaucoup

About which you and your geniuses

Apparently don’t have a clue

SECURITY CLEARANCES

DJ wants to strip security clearances

From some who oppose him

Teach those clowns a lesson

About who is the boss of them

Another fine idea

From a guy who couldn’t get

Even a confidential level clearance

Unless he was President

Who trusts DJ

With any sort of secrets

Unless they pertain

To his many amorous incidents

Tell DJ a secret

And what does he do?

Gets on the phone to Putin and exclaims

“Val, have I got something for you!”

A security clearance requires

The ability to control your tongue

I know, don’t laugh

Motor Mouth’s tongue is permanently set on run

IRAN BACK ON THE PLATE

North Korea get rid of its nukes yet?

DJ promised it would be any day

Maybe there was a language problem

Maybe Kim Jong Un actually said No Way Jose

What if DJ’s lip

Lost its pouting pucker?

Would his teeth fall out

In the middle of his supper?

Making fun of another’s appearance

Is to some not very polite

But DJ says rules don’t apply to him

So Donald, you’re one weird sight

What’s Jared doing these days

Does he go to the office at all

Flunking his security clearance

May have put his career on stall

This morning DJ promised Iran

Armageddon if it didn’t shape up

Ho hum, here we go again

Another Trump-manufactured dust-up 

WHAT HAPPENED?

Everyone is wondering

What Trump and Putin agreed to

What commitments did Trump make

What damage did he do

Trump is being mute

Apparently he doesn’t feel

Us ordinary Americans

Should know what’s the deal

Russia on the other hand

Has dropped many a hint

That Trump pretty much

Gave away the mint

Putin will be coming in the Fall

To the White House in DC

Is that to take charge

After his November election victory?

Maybe Trump agreed

Returning Alaska to the Red Bear

And maybe throwing in Hawaii

Because after all Obama wasn’t born there

DOUBLE NEGATIVE

We are certainly fortunate

That DJ has focused our attention

On the Double Negative threat

To the Security of the Nation

But just what is this thing?

It does sound familiar

Was it seventh grade or eighth

When a teacher explained it to ya’?

Is would not wouldn’t a Double Negative?

Or could not couldn’t?

Or wouldn’t would not?

Or not would but wouldn’t?

Maybe we need a new agency

Of Double Negative Control

And it might keep English majors

Off the public dole

In the Age of Trump

Words can be precarious

Sometimes they mean what they mean

But oft times they are gibberish

MONTENEGRO

Putin and Trump

Are teaming up

To give little Montenegro

A kick in the butt

Didja’ see Fox Dork Carlson

And his Lordship Trump

Agreeing Montenegro

Was nothing but a dump

The discussion sounded like

It had been set up

Which is not surprising

Given the Trump-Fox love bump

Never mind a NATO commitment

NATO is so yesterday

We are now in a new age

That has different ways to play

We need to stand behind

Our new ally Russia

Or Putin and his oligarchs

Will continue to suffer