LOST AND FORLORN

The Bloviating Orange Elf

Is in Buenos Aries

Seemingly trying to avoid

His usual international chaos

Putin and bin Salman

Did a high five

Elf wanted desperately to participate

But even he realized the downside

So he wandered around

Lost and forlorn

Ignored by most

Except those who overtly scorned

FIBS COMING HOME TO ROOST

The Bloviating Orange Elf

Wanted a Trump Tower in Moscow

Much more than he wanted

Sixteen Hundred Pennsylvania Avenue

He and his peeps

Told a lotta lies

Never really suspecting

They would be the victorious guys

Now those fibs

Are coming home to roost

Some perpetrators

Will likely be cooked goose

THE ORANGE ELF'S AMAZING GUT

The Bloviating Orange Elf’s gut

Is a thing of wonder

It can distinguish fact from fiction

Without making a blunder

Or so Orange Elf would have us believe. But things the Elf’s gut would likely have told him if he were around at the time lead to a different conclusion. Examples of possible historical pronouncements from the Elf’s gut:

) The world is flat.

) Take a bite of this apple, Eve. Nothing to worry about.

) The sun revolves around the earth.

) Dinosaurs are forever.

) There will be no Ice Age.

) In Fifth Century Rome: Barbarians? No big deal.

) In Medieval Europe: No plague, just a few cases of the flu.

) In 1850's Dixie: Slavery is here to stay.

) In August 1913: It will be a small short war.

) In September 1929: The market has no way to go but up.

) On December 6, 1941: Japan and the U.S. are best of friends.

ORANGE ELF MAD AT GM

GM says it’s closing plants

Bloviated Orange Elf says that’s bad

How could GM dis him

It makes him so very mad

Never mind the plants

GM is closing

Are making cars

Americans aren’t buying

As a businessman

Elf should understand

But here’s a little secret

Elf’s business acumen is far from grand

Daddy’s money, bankruptcies,

A TV show about fictional firing

That about sums up

Elf’s pre-political conniving

THE BLOVIATING ORANGE ELF’S BASE

The Bloviating Orange Elf is retreating

Into the embrace of his base

There it’s warm and cozy

A very agreeable place

Problem is that the base

Has an upper limit

Only so many voters are persuadable

By childish rhetoric

At least let’s hope that’s the case

If the Elf’s approach appeals to a majority

We are headed for last place 

TIME FOR NEW MONIKER

Thanksgiving is done

So a new moniker is in order

For the self-infatuated one

Who purports to be our leader

The Giant Orange Pumpkin

Became the Giant Orange Bird

Now Christmas is next

So what should be heard?

How about Bloviated Orange Elf

That captures the color

The distorted physique

And the excess blubber

BUZZARD DOWN YOUR CHIMNEY

The Giant Orange Buzzard

Is determined to ruin Christmas

By dominating the stage

Rendering all else superfluous

He’s threatening to close the border

Shut down the government

Abolish the Ninth Circuit

Bust the budget

It doesn’t really matter

Hatred or adulation

As long as he’s

The center of attention

Instead of Santa

Dropping down your chimney

It might be the Buzzard

Saying, “Hey, look at me”

BACK IN THE SADDLE

The Giant Orange Bird

Is over his post-election funk

He’s back to attacking

On every front

Bad-mouthing the Ninth Circuit

Implying the judges are un-American

Because they won’t accept

His dictatorial usurpation

The Bird gleefully denigrates

Any he considers a foe

But plays lovey-dovey

With his murderous Saudi bro

It’s all about money

Money and respect

Says the avaricious Bird

About the Saudi autocrat

Bone Spurs called some soldiers

On Thanksgiving Day

Told them how great he was

And said Oh thanks, by the way

GREATEST FIBBER EVER

By one measure, the Giant Orange Bird

May be our greatest President

He has likely told more fibs

Than any previous White House resident

In fact, his falsehood total

Might well have exceeded

The combined total overall

Of the 44 who preceded

As of the end of October

The Bird had 6,420 lies

If he had a Pinocchio nose

It would reach far into the skies

So take that George, Abe,

Ronnie, and FDR

The Overfed Orange Bird

Is ahead of you guys by far

LOCK HER UP!

Lock her up

Who, Hillary?

No, Ivanka

Why?

For doing a Hillary

It seems Ivanka

Mixed official and personal emails

The sin Daddy used

To smear Hillary incessantly

And eventually snatch the Presidency

What’s good for the goose

Is good for the gander

So First Daughter Ivanka should

Join Hillary in the slammer

CADET BONE SPURS BAD-MOUTHS ADMIRAL

The Giant Orange Turkey

Thinks we’re all losers

And in a way he’s correct

After all, we made him President

He spent the weekend

In his favorite activity

Belittling and insulting others

Which makes him feel manly

He bad-mouthed the Admiral

Who got Osama Bin Ladin

What can one say to that except

“Bone Spurs, that’s pretty rotten”

But that’s what we’ve come to expect

Idiotic statements galore

Two more years and hopefully

He will be out the door

RAKE YOUR LEAVES

The Giant Orange Bird’s advice

To fire-ravaged California

Was to rake your leaves

And it will all be over

This coming from a guy

Who never raked a leaf in is life

Except maybe when he was trying

To get away from a wife

And who has never been in a forest

Except when a golf shot went badly

Now he doesn’t even worry about that

He just sends his Secret Service caddy

RUDE TERRIBLE PERSON

“You are a rude terrible person”

So spoke the Giant Orange Bird

To Jim Acosta of CNN

With the nation listening in

Jim missed the opportunity

To respond in kind

Such as, “Well Sir,

You are morally and ethically blind”

Or “You are a fat, pudgy baby

Who scarfs too much gravy”

Maybe “Takes one to know one”

Or simply “So’s your mother”

In any case

Our Orange Overstuffed Leader

Is reducing the national discourse

To the lowest common denominator
Of elementary school stuff

HIS (NOT THE LAWYERS') WRITTEN ANSWERS

The Pouty Orange Bird is sulking

Things are not going his way

And Mueller might be returning

Big time to the fray

Bone Spurs says he’s written answers

To Mueller’s written questions

It’s too bad we won’t be entertained

By face-to-face confrontations

Pouty is pretty insistent

His answers weren’t by lawyers drafted

He knew what needed to be said

And the words he alone crafted

OVERFED BIRD IS SAD

Why is the Overfed Bird so sad?

Because his rallies are done

They were where he could perform

They were where he had fun

Now he has no excuse

To parade and prance and fabricate for his sycophants

Now he has little to distract him

From Mueller and the boring nitty-gritty of governance

So expect him to manufacture a crisis

Maybe close the Canadian border

Or do what Reagan did

Invade super power Grenada

PETULANT PRESIDENT

A Petulant President

That’s what we have

He reacts to adversity

Like a cat to a bath

Personnel decisions

Are among his many weaknesses

He’d rather scream anger on Twitter

Than face-to-face calmly discuss differences

In fact calmness

Is not among his attributes

Irritability, irrationality, and hyperactivity

Are how he approaches disputes

But Spouse Melania

Has put him on the spot

She wants some Napoleon wannabe gone

So Bone Spurs had better hop hop

VLADIMIR AND MELANIA

The Overstuffed Bird

Was feeling in the dumps

Then his idol Vladimir arrived

And Bone Spurs’ smile lit up

Vladimir gave him

A pat on the arm

Bone Spurs wet his britches

He was that susceptible to Russian charm

Meanwhile Melania is taking on

A John Bolton flunky

Melania wants her gone

Maybe Bolton should go to

Do we really need

A National Security Advisor

With a funny mustache, abrasive personality,

Hard right attitude, and 

Distorted view of history?

RETURNING VETERAN

Cadet Bone Spurs is back from the war

The fighting was thick and heavy

Angela Merkel stomped on his toe

Making him cry aplenty

Emmanuel Macron chastised him

For resurrecting nationalism

Trying to remind him

That nationalism once produced fascism

Such history was way over

Bone Spurs’ head

His grasp of historical stuff

Is weak as a spider’s web

But his buddy Vladimir gave him a thumbs up

As if to say “Stay the course, Comrade”

Bone Spurs appreciated the gesture

And left the gathering glad

VISIT TO FRANCE

The Overstuffed Bird

Went to France

But he didn’t go

For song and dance

The anniversary of the Armistice

That ended World War One

Was the reason he was there

And maybe also to have a little fun

By saying controversial stuff

To his host President Macron

Anything to make his own self

The center of attention

A little rain kept Cadet Bone Spurs

From a ceremony

At a World War One cemetery

He stayed in his room

And maybe had a strawberry

REPORTING WHILE BLACK

To the list of things

That get black citizens in trouble

Add the activity of

Reporting on The Donald

Three female journalists

Each of them dark

Were verbally abused by

His Lordship, the Dork

The Overstuffed Bird

May not be a racist

But he’s got all the sensitivity

Of a serial rapist

RUDE DUDE

The Giant Orange Turkey

Is calling media persons rude

Which is quite ironic as he’s

The planet’s rudest dude

And how about doctoring a video

Of Jim Acosta from CNN

To make it look as if

Jim’s abusing an intern

When in actuality

The intern was attacking Jim

Going after him

Like a fox after a hen

Yes, the Overstuffed Bird

Is certainly entertaining

Too bad it’s at the expense

Of our recently great nation

EMBRACE ME OR ELSE

Perhaps the more revealing portion

Of the post-election news circus

Conducted by the Orange Feathered One

Was his insults of Republicans who lost

In the Large Bird’s view

They had failed to “embrace” him

Which doomed their chances

Of achieving a win

His disdain for losers

Was right up front

That’s how he sees the world

That’s why he’s such a dork

Embracing His Birdship

Is sycophantic conduct

Real Americans don’t do that

They don’t suck up

SLASH AND BURN

The Giant Orange Predator

Hit the ground running

Firing little Jeff Sessions

And giving the media a drumming

It sounds like warfare

Is what the Big Bird wants

Conciliatory gestures?

Yea right, and also pepperoni donuts

He loves belligerence

Confrontation and aggression

He’s not for working together

Compromise and mediation

FINALLY, IT’S OVER (MOSTLY)

For Dems, early returns were disturbing

No blue wave initially

The water was just rolling tepidly

But as the evening wore on

The action picked up a lot

The House looks to be blue

But the Senate is apparently red hot

The Giant Feathered Predator

Is likely emboldened by the results

He has a stronger position with the Senate

And Nancy Pelosi as a foil for his insults

The real challenge will be

For the Democrats in the House

Can they make their opposition respectable

Or will they degenerate into chaos

How they handle the new responsibility

May well determine how the party does

In the election of twenty twenty

THE FINAL HOURS

This time tomorrow

We might know who got the ball

Or maybe not

What with delayed ballots, lawsuits, and all

One thing is sure

Griping and recriminating will be plenty

Accepting the outcome

Won’t be easy for many

But suck it up, America

The election will be over

Let’s see if we can act like adults

And not angry bees attacking clover

Respecting your opponent’s views

Might be asking too much

But let’s at least try putting

Nation before party for once

As for the Giant Feathered One

Maybe just maybe

He’ll finally become Presidential

I know, not likely

But they say anything is possible

INCOHERENT NONSENSE (HEY, ONLY 2 DAYS LEFT)

An Orange Fascist Buzzard

Attacked an Overfed Bloviator

The resulting revolting mess

Nauseated the Plump Feathered Spectator

Meanwhile the Fake News Media

With nothing better to do

Went looking for weird birds

In a nearby zoo.

What they found was

Too disgusting to describe

Other than to say

The Fuzzy Pudgy Avian

Finally had a job

He was the President

Of the world’s premier nation

That he promptly sought to desecrate

For his own gratification

Nepotism was rampant

As was incompetence

Most of his staff

Was unbelievably dense

Where is all this going?

No one has a clue

Particularly The Large Stuffed Bird

Responsible for such a putrid stew