SAC, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

The Strategic Air Command

Sent out a New Year’s tweet

A video about bombing stuff

Being kinda neat

Now really, a major U.S. Command

Using twitter to be funny

Where did it get the idea

This wasn’t just looney?

Oh, that’s right

The boss is a twitter freak

So why shouldn’t his underlings

Following him up the wayward creek

LINDSEY AND DONALD

Lindsey Graham had lunch

With the Petulant Orange One

And came away saying

It all could be done

Immigration reform

Maintaining a presence in Syria

Ending the shutdown

Building a wall/fence/slat barrier

Lindsey said the Grinch

Sounded really positive and reasonable

Raising the question

When do the rest of us

Get to see this unknown individual?

NEGOTIATION 101

The Large Orange Negotiator

Tried to get really fancy

In a public negotiation

With Democrats Chuck and Nancy

He called in the cameras

And with straight man Mike Pence

Proceeded to show us

That he has no sense

He got mightily flustered

And ended up proclaiming

He would own a shutdown

And not others be blaming

So this inept one

Who talked himself into a hole

Is the greatest negotiator ever?

That claim seems a bit too bold

WHERE IS THE GREAT NEGOTIATOR?

During his campaign

The best negotiator ever

Was what he claimed to be

So money where your mouth is, Fella

His own government shutdown

Is what he’s long pursued

He enjoys the chaos

And it shows he’s a real bad dude

So far his negotiating

Has been one ultimatum after another

But that works mostly

With an empty pockets contractor

Give and take are what

Real negotiations require

The Grinch certainly knows taking

But giving is not his desire

MORE NUTTY STUFF FROM THE ORANGE ONE

The Petulant Orange Grinch told the troops

He had given them a ten percent raise

Which wasn’t exactly, or even close, to the truth

And left many in a daze.

The Orange One also said

The shutdown is no calamity

Federal workers are Democrats

So apparently they deserve the paycheck whammy

TRUMP LEAVES COUNTRY, MARKET CELEBRATES

He went to a combat zone

Did the Petulant Orange Grinch

And the DOW jumped a thousand points

With hardly a hitch

So do the market a favor, Grinch

Stay away for awhile

Maybe visit Antarctica

Or Forward Base Gomer Pyle

Tell the troops some war stories

About many years of suffering

Nursing painful bone spurs

That limited you to golfing

REALLY, YOU STILL BELIEVE IN SANTA?

The Petulant Orange Grinch

Suggested to a child

That Santa Claus was

fake news by a mile

So one more step

Toward the Grinch’s goal

Of making everyone feel bad

Whatever their life’s role

LARGEST CHRISTMAS EVE DROP EVER

On Christmas Eve

The Petulant Orange One

Gifted a stock market dive

Second to none

What an economic genius

This President is

A veritable financial Einstein

A number-crunching wiz

Never mind your eroding IRA

It’s a small price to pay

For leadership so extraordinary

It turns your hair gray

SCHUMER AND PELOSI

Schumer and Pelosi

In little more than a week

Will be up to their eyeballs

In Orange Elf’s muddy creek

Are they up to the challenge?

This is unlike any before

Now they are dealing with

An unethical and incompetent empty jar

Here is a suggestion

Avoid an ultimatum contest

With the Petulant Orange Elf

Let him deliver the ultimatums

You just say nice words and do nice stuff

BANKRUPTCY COURT

What did the Giant Orange Grinch do

When things got too dicey

Back in the business world?

Why, he declared bankruptcy

So hold on America

We’re headed to bankruptcy court

‘Cuz things haven’t been this dicey

Since Custer couldn’t get back to the fort

Government shutdown, personnel turnovers

Multiple investigations, dissing allies

Climate change, stock market crash

And a heaping plate of random lies

Enjoy this Christmas

It may not be our last

But the chaos in the White House

Is escalating fast

TRUMP'S STEEL SLAT SHUTDOWN

Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Fox

Told the Giant Orange Puppet

To stop being a wuss

And shut down the Government

He sprang to attention, saluted right smartly,

And responded “Done”

Now let me get to Mar-a-Lago

Before the setting of the sun

Because of the Puppet’s insistence

On an barrier of steel slats

Close to half a million federal workers

Won’t be getting paychecks.

So thanks Ann, Rush, and Company

For exercising your hypnotic control

Over your Giant Orange Puppet

To drive the economy further into a hole

TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT

The General told the Giant Orange Grinch

Take this job and shove it

I ain’t working here no more

You’re a freakin’ idiot

And a colossal boor

“My Generals” McMaster, Kelly, Mattis

Discovered it’s a losing proposition

Trying to serve an undisciplined loon

And not worth the aggravation

What sort should serve

On the Grinch’s staff?

No-nothing right-wing whackos

Are certainly on an appropriate path

Jump on the bandwagon now

And ride the nation into the ground

Grabbing as much as you can

On the long way down

VICTORY!

The Giant Orange Grinch

Found a military victory

He announced the war with ISIS

Was now history

Not everyone agrees

Such as Congress, the military,

And most of the Allies

But what do they know?

They lack the Grinch’s gut and spies

So now Cadet Bone Spurs

Can finally have his parade

And in his mind

It won’t be a charade.

STEPHEN MILLER'S 'DO

Stephen Miller has a ‘do

Only it is really a don’t

Something that should not be seen

Even on a billy goat

Stephen gave a heated defense

Of the Pouty Orange Elf’s border wall

But all most viewers could think about

Was his weird furry head-ball

Since the Trump Foundation

Is being closed down

Perhaps it could make a last donation

To repair the noggin of the Elf’s little clown

SHUTDOWN

The Pouty Orange Elf

And his flunky Stephen Miller

Want the nation to see

What their cojones can deliver

Specifically

They want

To close down

The Government

That would let all know

What tough guys they are

And that they are prepared

To go really far

Never mind the enormous inefficiency

Of keeping thousands of workers from their jobs

The Elf needs to show who’s boss

Something he learned from the Mobs

WHAT DOES THE TRUMP PRESIDENCY SAY ABOUT US?

What does the unethical behavior

Of the Pouty Orange Elf

Say about those Americans

Who put up with the stuff?

What it simply says

Is that a good number of his countrymen

Are willing to overlook

Conduct never before forgiven

Conduct that has not stopped

That continues without cessation

That every day requires

Further acceptance of degradation

NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

T’was the night before Christmas

And all through the house

Only one creature was stirring

The Giant Orange Mouse

He was ravaging the stockings

Of the other mice

Looking for stuff

He might find nice

After a lifetime of lying

He thought a change to stealing

Might be more satisfying

Lying after all

Is hard darn work

Trying to remember what you told

The last poor jerk 

MICHAEL FLYNN

The Pouty Orange Elf

Says the felon Michael Flynn

Was tricked and shafted

By Mueller and his henchmen

This is the Michael Flynn

Who was retired early from the military

Because his Defense Intelligence Agency leadership

Was chaotic and sorry

And who then engaged

In questionable dealings

With Turkish and Russian nationals

Which led him to Trump organization schemings

SLIPPERY ORANGE EEL

The Slippery Orange Eel

Is in frenetic action

Trying to prevent his accusers

From gaining any traction

First he didn’t know

About any Cohen remittances

To the ladies who

Succumbed to the Eel’s insistences

Then he knew about the payments

But didn’t think they were wrong

Just a necessary action

To keep him looking strong

Now it is the attorney’s fault

For not telling the Eel

Shady payments were wrong

And not just the Art of the Deal

GOP—MORALLY, ETHICALLY BANKRUPT?

What is it

About the modern Republican Party

That produces politicians

Lacking any moral propriety?

Fifty years ago

There was Richard Milhous Nixon

For whom breaking, entering, and lying

Were all part of an election

Today there is Pouty Orange Grinch

And his ethically challenged followers

Vying to see

Who gets the most subpoenas

And how did the Religious Right

Fall in with this bunch?

Maybe their understanding of the Bible

Is no more than a hunch

NANCY PELOSI PUTS DOWN ORANGE GRINCH

The Pouty Orange Grinch

Needs a Chief of Staff

Anyone interested

In being the target of his wrath?

Who wants to be Chief of Staff

To the most undisciplined failure on the planet?

You’d have to be a masochist

With a head of solid granite

On another matter

Nancy Pelosi grew a pair

And in the process did a putdown

On the incompetent with the orange hair

All while Mike Pence

Sat silently looking on

Trying to decide

If he was also gone

IMPEACH OR NOT?

Just about everyone agrees

The Pouty Orange Grinch

Broke many laws in his quest

For the Presidential bench

But there is no general agreement

On whether the Grinch’s violations

Amount to impeachable offenses

And not just Clintonesque miscalculations

Letting the Grinch continue

A prolonged self-destruction

Might render the Dems better off

For the 2020 election

GOP HAS SOLD ITS SOUL

The Republican Party

Has sold its soul

To an extreme narcissist

For whom adulation is the only goal

Fiscal responsibility, free trade

Balanced budgets, a restrained executive

These were once the GOP’s foundation

Now replaced by incompetence

And ethical degradation

TWO MORE YEARS?

The Pouty Orange Grinch

Says no collusion is proved

Most everyone else differs

Except for the folks at Fox News

The legal situation

Is certainly murky

And could remain that way

Past next Thanksgiving’s turkey

The long and the short is that

We might have two more years of bonehead

Two more years of living with

A deeply incompetent pinhead

TRAITOR?

“Dumb as a rock”

“Lazy as hell”

That’s a fine way to describe

A guy you once thought was swell

But you have to feel for

The Bloviating Orange Elf

He has much on his mind

Most importantly his own self

Mueller is unloading

And the Orange Sinner

Despite his counter punches

Is not looking like a winner

As the evidence mounts

Here is a serious question

Is the Orange Elf not just incompetent

But a traitor to his nation?

HE SITS WEIRD

The Bloviating Orange Elf’s

Standard posture in a chair

Is leaning well forward

As if defecation is near

This is the posture

He assumed at Forty One’s memorial

Making him more distracting

Than Bill Clinton’s comedic tutorial

Plus he avoided

Reciting the Apostles’ Creed

To the Religious Right

Just a minor misdeed

FANTASY WORLD

Tariff Man is on the move

Announcing deals are done

Problem is no one else

Is in on the fun

The Bloviating Orange Elf

Leaves negotiations comprehending

Agreements he made with himself

While others are left head-scratching

It’s not that he’s lying

It’s just that for him

Fantasy is as real

As an old light bulb is dim

ANTICIPATION

All day today

CNN claimed

Any moment now

Mueller fixes blame

Finally in the evening

Mueller released

Heavily redacted documents

Revealing little of interest

Moral of the story

Don’t get worked up

Every time Wolf Blitzer

Has a hiccup

INJURY

Nasty cut on the thumb yesterday

Right at the base of the nail

Blood flowed quite freely

Chaos generally prevailed

With gauze and tape on the thumb

Finally ended the drama

And discarded the plastic bag

Containing bloody napkins from the trauma

Thumb was pretty restrained

Did not realize how important it was

For instance try wiping your butt

With your thumb immobilized in gauze

THE ELF IS ENVIOUS

Putin and bin Salman

Certainly got along fine

Two amoral murderers

Who don’t consider it a crime

The Bloviating Orange Elf

Watched them with envy

Wishing he could deal

With his antagonists similarly

His world would be so much simpler

If he could dispose of irritants quickly

Then get back to the joys of fleecing

The citizens of his naïve country

GEORGE H.W. BUSH

As President he told

Saddam Hussein

The invasion of Kuwait

Would not stand

And it did not

Because as President he comprehended

The actions required

To accomplish what he intended

In 1992

He lost re-election

Because the nation was tired

Of the World War II generation

He was not perfect

But he was an honorable man

Embodying the best

Of being an American

George Herbert Walker Bush

You were a politician

But only as a distant second

First you were a citizen

You did your duty, Sir

So here’s to you a salute

May you be long remembered

As a President who was, decent, competent, and resolute

LOST AND FORLORN

The Bloviating Orange Elf

Is in Buenos Aries

Seemingly trying to avoid

His usual international chaos

Putin and bin Salman

Did a high five

Elf wanted desperately to participate

But even he realized the downside

So he wandered around

Lost and forlorn

Ignored by most

Except those who overtly scorned

FIBS COMING HOME TO ROOST

The Bloviating Orange Elf

Wanted a Trump Tower in Moscow

Much more than he wanted

Sixteen Hundred Pennsylvania Avenue

He and his peeps

Told a lotta lies

Never really suspecting

They would be the victorious guys

Now those fibs

Are coming home to roost

Some perpetrators

Will likely be cooked goose

THE ORANGE ELF'S AMAZING GUT

The Bloviating Orange Elf’s gut

Is a thing of wonder

It can distinguish fact from fiction

Without making a blunder

Or so Orange Elf would have us believe. But things the Elf’s gut would likely have told him if he were around at the time lead to a different conclusion. Examples of possible historical pronouncements from the Elf’s gut:

) The world is flat.

) Take a bite of this apple, Eve. Nothing to worry about.

) The sun revolves around the earth.

) Dinosaurs are forever.

) There will be no Ice Age.

) In Fifth Century Rome: Barbarians? No big deal.

) In Medieval Europe: No plague, just a few cases of the flu.

) In 1850's Dixie: Slavery is here to stay.

) In August 1913: It will be a small short war.

) In September 1929: The market has no way to go but up.

) On December 6, 1941: Japan and the U.S. are best of friends.

ORANGE ELF MAD AT GM

GM says it’s closing plants

Bloviated Orange Elf says that’s bad

How could GM dis him

It makes him so very mad

Never mind the plants

GM is closing

Are making cars

Americans aren’t buying

As a businessman

Elf should understand

But here’s a little secret

Elf’s business acumen is far from grand

Daddy’s money, bankruptcies,

A TV show about fictional firing

That about sums up

Elf’s pre-political conniving

THE BLOVIATING ORANGE ELF’S BASE

The Bloviating Orange Elf is retreating

Into the embrace of his base

There it’s warm and cozy

A very agreeable place

Problem is that the base

Has an upper limit

Only so many voters are persuadable

By childish rhetoric

At least let’s hope that’s the case

If the Elf’s approach appeals to a majority

We are headed for last place 

TIME FOR NEW MONIKER

Thanksgiving is done

So a new moniker is in order

For the self-infatuated one

Who purports to be our leader

The Giant Orange Pumpkin

Became the Giant Orange Bird

Now Christmas is next

So what should be heard?

How about Bloviated Orange Elf

That captures the color

The distorted physique

And the excess blubber