COLLUSION

DJ says he didn’t collude

Never colluded, ever, not close

Doesn’t even know what collusion is

Just knows he’s never had a dose

Rudy says even if DJ did collude

It’s not a big to-do

Not even a minor crime

Just a little miscue

So when is collusion a no-no?

Maybe with another when you cheat on your spouse

Maybe with Putin

When you play the obedient mouse

Does collusion have a time component?

Sometimes it just fades away

For example, DJ and Melania obviously haven’t colluded

In many, many a day

Rudy may be doing his own colluding

Just not very successfully

The struggles between his mind and his mouth

Are painful to see

GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN

DJ is again

Threatening to shut down the Government

That should work out well

For Republicans seeking November employment

What he wants is his wall

And Mexico will eventually provide funding

So all he needs is a loan

‘Til them pesos come a running

A big beautiful wall

With his name on it in gold

And maybe a scorpion as an emblem

Of the nation’s diminishing world role

That’s what we need in September

Another government shutdown

Shutdowns have become a regular occurrence

Hope not a sign of democracy meltdown

A government in a free society

Is only as good as its hierarchy

That being the case, the forecast

Is cloudy with a chance of malarkey

DJ NAILED THE ECONOMY

We have DJ all wrong

Thanks to his economic acumen

GDP went through the roof

Likely never to descend again

GDP up, unemployment down

It seems so darn simple

Yet his predecessors

Couldn’t find the handle

Nothing complex about the economy

It’s as simple as can be

All you need to do

Is watch Fox News on TV

Clinton, Bush, Obama

Those who preceded

They just didn’t understand

The nuances of what was needed

So Mueller please back off

Don’t harm our growing economy

Maybe DJ did commit some crimes

But that’s the price of prosperity

SOURDOUGH TOE

Was cutting a loaf of bread

Made of sourdough

The knife slipped and point first

Pierced my hammer toe

Lordy was there blood

It was a veritable flood

Grabbed a paper towel

And down to the floor I went

The towel was quickly soaked

As the flow was quite persistent

Holding the toe in the soaked towel

I inched my way to the table

Where I pulled down a week’s supply of napkins

And tried to make things stable

To make a long story short

I eventually brought the flow to a stop

And in the future won’t be cutting sourdough

With my foot in a flip-flop

DOUBLE STANDARD

If a Democrat had staged

A fraction of what Trump has staged

The lying, the name calling, the cuddling up to Putin

Republicans would be positively outraged

If a Democrat had shown

A fraction of Trump’s befuddlement

The border, the tariffs, the NATO belittling

Republicans would be seeking an indictment

If a Democrat had lied

A fraction of the times Trump has lied

Republicans would be screaming

For his or her hide

In short, there’s a political double standard

If you’re a Republican stuff is OK

If you’re a Democrat

No damn way Jose

Adultery, lying, cheating

If you’re a Republican named Trump, no big deal

But if you’re a Democrat

You just put your career on repeal

THE TAPE

What kind of lawyer would tape a client?

A lawyer with a client like Trump

A lawyer who wants some self-protection

When the client is a truth-adverse chump

So does the tape prove any crime?

We’ll leave that one for the legalese

What it does prove, as if any further prove were needed

Is that Trump is a first class sleaze

Despite Giuliani’s distorted analysis

Cash or check is really not interesting

What is of interest is that DJ

Was buying silence for an adulterous fling

Will any of this really matter

Not unless the mid-term voting

Produces a Democrat majority

That might seriously consider a Trump-roasting

Oh, by the way

Putin’s not coming to DC

He most likely had quite enough of Trump

During that one day in Helsinki

TARIFFS

Trump turns to tariffs

To send the trade deficit down

So who is feeling the pain?

Farmers, many of whom voted for the clown

Trump is considering farm aid

To prevent harm to his constituency

Where is that money coming from?

He’ll borrow from the Treasury

So let’s analyze the economics

Trade deficit down, budget deficit up

Maybe one of his thick-headed economists

Can explain how that’s a help

Trump’s grasp of complexity

Is pretty much nil

One cause, one effect

And everything else stands still

But the world ain’t like that, Donald

It has feedback loops beaucoup

About which you and your geniuses

Apparently don’t have a clue

SECURITY CLEARANCES

DJ wants to strip security clearances

From some who oppose him

Teach those clowns a lesson

About who is the boss of them

Another fine idea

From a guy who couldn’t get

Even a confidential level clearance

Unless he was President

Who trusts DJ

With any sort of secrets

Unless they pertain

To his many amorous incidents

Tell DJ a secret

And what does he do?

Gets on the phone to Putin and exclaims

“Val, have I got something for you!”

A security clearance requires

The ability to control your tongue

I know, don’t laugh

Motor Mouth’s tongue is permanently set on run

IRAN BACK ON THE PLATE

North Korea get rid of its nukes yet?

DJ promised it would be any day

Maybe there was a language problem

Maybe Kim Jong Un actually said No Way Jose

What if DJ’s lip

Lost its pouting pucker?

Would his teeth fall out

In the middle of his supper?

Making fun of another’s appearance

Is to some not very polite

But DJ says rules don’t apply to him

So Donald, you’re one weird sight

What’s Jared doing these days

Does he go to the office at all

Flunking his security clearance

May have put his career on stall

This morning DJ promised Iran

Armageddon if it didn’t shape up

Ho hum, here we go again

Another Trump-manufactured dust-up 

WHAT HAPPENED?

Everyone is wondering

What Trump and Putin agreed to

What commitments did Trump make

What damage did he do

Trump is being mute

Apparently he doesn’t feel

Us ordinary Americans

Should know what’s the deal

Russia on the other hand

Has dropped many a hint

That Trump pretty much

Gave away the mint

Putin will be coming in the Fall

To the White House in DC

Is that to take charge

After his November election victory?

Maybe Trump agreed

Returning Alaska to the Red Bear

And maybe throwing in Hawaii

Because after all Obama wasn’t born there

DOUBLE NEGATIVE

We are certainly fortunate

That DJ has focused our attention

On the Double Negative threat

To the Security of the Nation

But just what is this thing?

It does sound familiar

Was it seventh grade or eighth

When a teacher explained it to ya’?

Is would not wouldn’t a Double Negative?

Or could not couldn’t?

Or wouldn’t would not?

Or not would but wouldn’t?

Maybe we need a new agency

Of Double Negative Control

And it might keep English majors

Off the public dole

In the Age of Trump

Words can be precarious

Sometimes they mean what they mean

But oft times they are gibberish

MONTENEGRO

Putin and Trump

Are teaming up

To give little Montenegro

A kick in the butt

Didja’ see Fox Dork Carlson

And his Lordship Trump

Agreeing Montenegro

Was nothing but a dump

The discussion sounded like

It had been set up

Which is not surprising

Given the Trump-Fox love bump

Never mind a NATO commitment

NATO is so yesterday

We are now in a new age

That has different ways to play

We need to stand behind

Our new ally Russia

Or Putin and his oligarchs

Will continue to suffer

MORE WOULDN'T

(With a shout-out to CC)

Should DJ be taken to the “would” shed

For a grammar lesson or two

Or maybe the real remedy is

Motor Mouth belongs in a zoo

Did he say what he should?

Did he say what he would?

Did he say what he wouldn’t?

Did he say what he could?

Words are his weapons

Words used randomly

Words that hurt

Words used inappropriately

Never mind context

Never mind grammar

Never mind impact

Might as well use a hammer

Strunk and White

He does not know

Emily Post’s Etiquette

Oh so no-no

WOULDN'T

Trump meant to say wouldn’t

Or maybe he meant to say would

Or maybe he meant to say didn’t

Or maybe he meant to say could

So, what to do about Trump

Maybe he should play more golf

Maybe an anger-management class

Maybe confine him with Grannie in the loft

Is it possible to curtail

His overseas hops

Maybe hide Air Force One

Tell him its in the shop

Republicans are lying low

Wondering how Trump’s base

Is adjusting to the reality

That maybe they voted in haste

Democrats are ecstatic

Though maybe they should be cautious

They have an unfortunate habit

Of turning victories into losses

HELSINKI SUMMIT

New York real estate

Apparently did not prepare

The Donald to face

The cunning Russian Bear

The Helsinki Summit is over

And Trump is in the sky

Flying to his home country

But where does that lie?

Washington or Moscow

Where is Air Force One heading?

Where will Trump be

Spreading out his bedding?

Taken to the cleaners

That’s what Putin did

To poor befuddled Donald who

Was obviously in over his head

Now here’s a question

How can Trump apologists

Maintain their position

That DJ is a genius?

IT'S OBAMA'S FAULT

It happened under the Obama Administration

Is Trump’s standard response

To any questions raised

About his own screw-ups

The DNC was hacked

That was under Obama

He certainly could’a stopped it

Only he didn’t wanna

North Korea went nuclear

It’s Obama’s fault

Barack told Kim Jong Un

Just keep ‘em in the vault

Trump claimed the economy

Was in an Obama-caused recession

Until His Lordship produced

An amazing resurrection

DJ is like your least favorite sibling

Back when you were small

The one who always looked your way

When Mom asked who wrote on the wall

UGLY AMERICAN

The Ugly American

Is doing the Grand Tour

And succumbing quite frequently

To Motor Mouth allure 

First there was Brussels

Where he left the impression

Of an oversized Oaf

Suffering severe constipation 

From there across the Channel

To Mother Country Britain

Where he managed to irritate

The whole darn nation

All this in preparation

For a meeting in Helsinki

At which he and Putin

Will share a Twinkie 

Maybe the solution to the troubles

Is to revoke DJ’s passport

And confine him to

His Florida resort

OVER THE HILL?

The Bully arrived in Brussels

With his usual flair

He would like the world to know

That he still has a pair

Even though many suspect

The pair haven’t worked in awhile

After all, the Guy is

Close to being senile

Melania could probably tell us

But she is too polite

The separate bedrooms, however

Say oodles about DJ’s plight

Maybe Merkel and May

Should volunteer

And say, “Hey Donald

Would you be a dear

And show us your thing

‘Cuz Putin claims he has video

Proving your erotic capability

Has descended well south of zero”

REPUBLICAN MORALITY

Notice the intellectual drift

Of the Republican Party?

First Palin, now Trump

Whose next, Sean Hannity?

And how about Evangelicals

Who use to be such prudes

They’ve become apologists

For a seriously sinning Dude

Apparently the Good Book

Does not apply

To those with whom politically

You are eye-to-eye

It seems that adultery

Is no big deal

As long as you throw abortion

Under the wheel

So Republicans with lax morals

Can sin all they want

Just be sure to remain

Anti-government