POUTY REPUBLICANS

 

Pouty Republican leaders
Are putting on quite a charade
Pretending to truly care about
Coming to the Orange Hoax’s aid
 
When in reality their concern
Is maintaining their own standing
With the MAGA rabble
So their political lives avoid tanking

INDICTMENT

 

No indictment until
The end of April
That’s the word tonight. . .
 
OOPS! BREAKING NEWS!
 
Orange Hoax indicted!
Who woulda thunk it?
First criminal charges ever
Against a former President
Is this the future?
Hope it’s not a precedent
 
How will MAGAs and Republicans
Handle this event?
Is the nation in for another Jan 6?
Or will it return to lively
But comparatively peaceful politics?

ARMAGEDDON OR THE APOCALYPSE

 

The Orange Hoax’s campaign platform:
Armageddon or the Apocalypse
I will bring on Armageddon
To prevent the Apocalypse
Or maybe it’s bring on the Apocalypse
To prevent Armageddon
In any case vote for me
And we’ll all go down
In a blaze of glory

ANTI-WOKE TEACHING

 

What can teachers teach
In an anti-woke nation?
That there was no slavery in America
Just an influx of African emigration
 
That the so-called Civil War
Was just an exhilarating event
With blue states on one side
And grey states on the other
The outcome being a mutual agreement
 
That the birds and the bees
Are best left alone
When the critters get aroused
They can make you groan
 
That Govs DeSantis and Youngkin
Are first-class educators
Also outstanding creators, administrators
And most definitely not exaggerators

BARBARIAN RELIGION

 

Another mass shooting in America
A nation that worships the gun
Such a religion would have appealed to
Barbarians like Attila the Hun
 
Modern-day assault weapons
Should not enjoy the protection
Of the Second Amendment’s archaic wording
Which was adopted at a time
When “Arms” meant ye ol’ flintlock
And only wars had mass shooting

DAVID’S JUNK

  

Parental complaints at a Florida school
Cost a principal her position
She hadn’t given parents the required notification
Prior to a presentation
On Michelangelo’s sculpture of David
Naked with nothing left to the imagination
 
You have to be a real prude
To say no to cultural history
Or maybe the protestors

Werent prudes at all
But people who thought Michelangelo
Had sculpted David’s junk too small

WRONGED OR BETRAYED

 

Once again the Orange Hoax
Has captured the essence of his base
Those feeling “wronged or betrayed”
View the Hoax as their ace
 
Speaking Saturday in Texas
The Hoax called himself
“Your warrior” and “your justice”
If returned to the 1600 Penn Ave location
he would become “your retribution”

SELF BEFORE COUNTRY

 

The Orange Hoax ups the anti
Personally attacking the Manhattan DA
Threatening “potential death and destruction”
Implicitly putting lives in play
 
Rarely has an American politician
Shown such self-infatuation
And hatred for the nation
As the loquacious Orange Hoax
In his attempts at restoration

PLAY WITH HIS MIND

 

What prosecutors should do
Regarding the Orange Hoax
Is continue high-profile investigating
But never do any charging
 
The Hoax would be driven bonkers
And maybe to a medical collapse
That would remove him from the stage
And put the nation back on track, perhaps

THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING HIM

Another day, no arrest
The Orange Hoax is getting furious
He wants his moment of total attention
A moment he would find marvelous
 
Forty-four Presidents have preceded him
And not one was arrested
He’ll go down in history
His legacy not likely to be tested

NOT ARRESTED YET?

 

The Orange Hoax promised
He would be arrested Tuesday
Maybe he should just drive to the jail
And demand to be put away
 
He so much wants
To appear the victim
Believing this would motivate
The loyal MAGA base
To restore his American Caliphate

PLEASE RIOT, PLEASE

 

The Orange Hoax so much wants
A second insurrection
It would prove in his mind that he remains
A magnificent national obsession
 
He’s in effect telling his MAGAs
“Please run amuck
Riot, pillage, and plunder
Leave the nation thunderstruck”

TO THE RESCUE

 

One Swiss bank, UBS
Has moved to rescue another,
Credit Swisse
Will this restore financial bliss
Or is the world still tottering
On the edge of an abyss?
 
Don’t ask Ron DeSantis or the Orange Hoax
They're too busy ferreting out woke
Real world problems
Make them choke

HE WANTS TO BE ARRESTED

 

The Orange Hoax says
He expects an arrest
He wants his worshipers
To publicly massively protest
 
Thus he’s turning to
The only success of his Administration
And that was instigating
A mob insurrection

SANTOS UPDATE

 

How’s George getting along?
Apparently pretty swell
Giving speeches in Congress
Serving his constituents well
 
So is that it
For a couple of years
George pretending to be a Congressman
Republicans pretending he’s not theirs?

MARCH MADNESS

 

The ‘Hoos went one and done
Thus not prolonging the agony
And enabling their fans
To return to their apathy
 
That’s the great thing about
Your team taking an early out
You can then enjoy the tournament
Without any further emotional wipeout

TURN BACK THE CLOCK

 

Is return to 1930s isolationism
What DeSantis and friends want?
C’mon Ron, it’s 2023
What happens over there
Affects life over here
Or haven’t you heard about
That Internet thingy in gear

ELON MUSK HAVING FUN

 

Twitter apparently played a central role
In the Silicon Valley Bank run
So was the situation little more
Than Elon Musk having a bit of fun?
 
Maybe this is just the beginning
Of Twitter-aided panics
The possibilities are endless
Rumors, conspiracies, all varieties of fanatics

BANKING GIBBERISH

 

Cryptocurrency fans are saying
“We told you so”
Cryptocurrency skeptics are saying
“Take your funny money and go”
 
Who really understands
How the banking system functions?
The system fundamentally depends on
Maintaining consumer consumptions
Assumptions, presumptions, and delusions
 
In other words
The functioning of the banking system
Rests on intangibles
Which resist precise description
But are not expendables

POLITICIANS LICK THEIR CHOPS

 

Silicon Valley Bank in California
Went belly-up big-time
Will non-insured depositors
Have to lose their dime?
 
Whoa! Big-time bank failure
Means big-time political issue
Politicians right and left
Are licking their chops
Looking to pull out
All the rhetorical stops

TYPING PAPER

 

In an old box
Up in the attic
Found something called “Typing Paper”
Vaguely familiar
But couldn’t quite place it
 
And then the mental fog
Began to lift
Many decades ago, typing class
Sitting between Karen and Nancy
Hoping I wouldn’t pass gas

Pecking away at a rudimentary beast

Called a typewriter

Most of which are now deceased

CAN THE CENTER HOLD?

 

Far-right Republicans are myopically attached
To low taxes and deficit spending control
Far-Left Democrats are myopically attached
To an ending inequities goal
Without a functioning political center
The clash of the extremes could throw
The economy into a toilet bowl
 
Thus the nation approaches
The budgetary season
Which will prevail
Chaos or the rule of reason?

TUCKER MAKES WAR DOCUMENTARY

 

Tucker is selecting film

For a documentary on war
With the goal of showing
It’s nothing to abhor
And really quite a bore
 
There are soldiers in a mess hall
  Having evening chow
An engineer doing roadwork
  Riding a big plow
A clerk in an office
  Displaying computer know-how
Visiting entertainers
  Causing the troops to wow
And a soldier’s pet kitty
  Going meow
 
Yes, war is not that bad
Tucker certainly knows
He’s watched McHale’s Navy, Gomer Pyle
And similar TC shows

KEVIN AND TUCKER

 

Kevin and Tucker
Have become media targets
Two-faced and two-tongued
They are ideal comic subjects
 
Could Kevin be remembered
As the most inept Speaker in history?
Could Tucker’s contribution be
A negative turn in Fox’s legacy?

FOX, FOR NEWS YOU LIKE

 

Fox needs a new slogan
Downplaying their portrayal
As a news organization
And highlighting their emphasis
On prejudicial presentation
 
Turn to Fox
If unhappy with the news
Our prejudicial presentation
Will chase away your blues
 
Tucker, Sean, Laura
Hop on the bandwagon
Don’t pretend anymore
That bias and bigotry
Aren’t what your followers adore

WHEELS OF JUSTICE

 

In a world where almost everything
Is operating at warp speed
One area seems
To have missed the call
The wheels of justice turn slowly
Sometimes seemingly not at all
When will the Orange Hoax and George Santos
Feel the hammer of justice fall?

WANNABE PRESIDENTS

 

Apparently a necessary step
For wannabes seeking the Presidency
Is to produce a book
With gravitas and seriousness aplenty
 
Notice “produce” rather than “write”
Because such works are mostly
The outcome of collaboration
Between the wannabe and writers
Who pen most of the presentation
 
Ron DeSantis has the latest effort
By a presidential wannabe
Give it a read if you must
Think I’ll stick to the TV

QUESTIONS

 

Is Joe too old
To be President?
Is the Orange Hoax too criminally inclined
To return as White House resident?
 
Is Jim Jordan too dense
For a weaponization committee?
Is Marjorie Taylor Greene too mentally challenged
To live in a big city?
 
Are MAGA Republicans too belligerent
To participate in a democracy?
Are Republicans in general too diverse
To be a political party?
 
Has the Electoral College
Become an anachronism?
Is so,
Would the necessary Constitutional Amendment
Ever make it through
Red state antagonism?

HOOS WELCOME LIZ

 

Liz Cheney’s new gig
Is at the U of V
Involving research, teaching
And in her words participating
“In other University” activity
 
Once upon a time
The U of V was
A party school extraordinaire
A la the movie Animal House
So Liz, are you prepared
To let down your hair
And dance the dirty dog
At a Wahoo weekend fair?
(At least Kevin and Marjorie
Won’t be there)

WOKE AND PROUD OF IT

 

Cranky is woke
And proud to be in the queue
What is woke?
Don’t have a clue
But look at the crowd
condemning things as woke
Most of them
Belong in a zoo

CLEANING UP THE MESS

 

Thirty thousand truck loads
Of Ohio toxic waste
Is looking for a home
Does your state have any space?
 
Say a big empty area
Mostly dust and dirt
With no humans or wildlife
Or bugs that could get hurt