WEEKEND OFF?

What’s the National Emergency doing this weekend?

Haven’t heard much from him

He hasn’t done anything outrageous

Maybe he’s in Mar-a-Lago slumming

Or maybe he’s working on his plan

To replace ObamaCare

Holed up in his office

Drafting like a workaholic bear

Or maybe working with Mexico

To ease the problems at the border

Providing facilities for the deserving immigrants

Knocking at the door

Or more likely stuffing his face

With McDonalds and The Colonel

Chugging down the diet cokes

Burping with a gurgle

MANAGEMENT BY CHAOS

The National Emergency’s gonna close the border

Just in time for spring break

No Acapulco this year kids

Just find a nearby lake.

Having survived the Mueller probe

(At least according to AG Barr)

The Orange One hit the ground running

Leaving everything ajar

Health care, trade agreements, Federal Reserve,

Special Olympics, Golan Heights, Mexican border

He’s determined to govern by chaos

It’s more fun than stability and order

And an obvious side effect to mention

It keeps him the center of attention

LEADERSHIP BY VULGARITY

“Pencil neck” was how

The President of the United States

Described a member of Congress

And the crowd roared ‘til red in the face

So that’s the depth to which

This great nation has sunk

Under the autocratic oligarchy

Of the era of Trump

Name calling

And a “bullshit” or two

It’s fast shedding respectability

And becoming more like a zoo

PRIORITIES

The National Emergency weighed in

On the Smollett brouhaha

Meanwhile Russian troops

Appeared in Venezuela

But Russians apparently weren’t

On the National Emergency’s mind

His current concern is keeping Puerto Ricans

From getting another dime

Never mind that they’re Americans

They are still Hispanics

So the National Emergency views them

As undesirable fanatics

HEALTH CARE RETURNS

The National Emergency desires

Obamacare to be history

He wants to replace it with

Trump-no-care as his legacy

A health system devised by a privileged whack job

That’s just what we need

The underlying principle would be

Unmitigated greed

The health system would be revamped

To eliminate health care entirely

For those not deserving

Which means those not wealthy

NO COLLUSION JUST INFORMAL COOPERATION

There may have been no collusion

In the sense of treasonous subversion

But there was sufficient contact

To amount to informal cooperation

In any event the result was

An American Oligarch becoming El Presidente

And Putin quietly welcoming

Someone with a similar identity

And the national emergency continues

The emergency of autocratic government

With or without collusion

The situation is quite repugnant

NO COLLUSION

The National Emergency says no collusion

Mueller seems to agree

But certainly there was stupidity and bad judgment

to an advanced degree

So what’s the bottom line?

Legally he may not have committed a crime

But morally and ethically

The Orange One is pretty much slime

Plus intellectually and managerially

He’s bringing up the rear

Behind even Harding and Coolidge

As Presidents in low gear

NOW TIME FOR THE SPIN DOCTORS

The National Emergency says exoneration

Dems say not so fast

One thing is sure

We haven’t heard the last

If only being a sleazebag

Was a federal crime

The National Emergency would be locked up

For a very long time

WILL WE GET TO SEE IT?

Will the public get to see

The results of Mueller’s investigation

Or will the release be prevented

By a National Emergency declaration?

The rationale would be

Truth is storming the border

A National Emergency declaration

Is necessary to maintain order

The National Emergency’s sycophants

Would quickly take up the call

Contending if we learn the truth

The economy would slow to a crawl

THE TWILIGHT OF MERITOCRACY

The Giant Orange Loser will name

Pedantic economist Stephen Moore

To a major policy position

As a Fed Reserve Board Governor

So another mediocre appointment

By the National Emergency

Joining Kudlow, Munchkin, and their ilk

In running (ruining?) the country

What are the qualifications

To join the Presidential team

In the reign of a President

Who makes normal people scream?

Apparently TV appearances

Are an important factor

To a pudgy orange President

Who is primarily an actor

JAVANKA'S EMAILS

Remember Hillary and her emails?

Well, along comes Javanka

Who might have similar problems

With digital phenomena

But Daddy vouches for them

And besides, they’re just kids

Playing at government

While keeping crumbs off their bibs

Government record keeping?

Not for this group

They follow different rules

That’s how they got their loot

PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT AGAIN

The National Emergency is charging

The Democratic-controlled House

With presidential harassment

Amounting to abuse

But the real presidential harassment

Is working the other direction

Us citizens are being harassed

By a vindictive narcissistic human exception

An exception in that

He is not normal

He’s an unscrupulous incompetent buffoon

Whose conduct is less than moral

PRESIDENT OF BRAZIL DROPS IN

The Orange Demagogue

Found a fellow autocrat

The President of Brazil

Stopped by for a chat

They were all over each other

Like young lovers in full bloom

Tempting observers to yell

“Hey you two, get a room”

Meanwhile the National Emergency

Keeps dissing John McCain

While the Grand Old Party

Is mostly silent in its shame

MOMENTARILY NOT TOP STORY

The Giant Orange Huckster

Was not happy today

Fire and natural disaster

Were keeping the media away

So get ready for a crisis

Manufactured by you know who

He needs to recapture the front page

To prove he’s as good as new

He continues to attack

Deceased hero John McCain

The Huckster too would’a been a hero

Except his bone spurs caused him pain

IS THE 1ST AMENDMENT A NATIONAL EMERGENCY?

The National Emergency tweeted about

An SNL skit he didn’t like

The skit was a rerun

Is that how he spends Saturday night?

Watching SNL reruns

Getting himself in a state

Threatening 1st Amendment abrogation

Just because Melania locked the gate

Come on, Melania

Do us a solid

Let him in the bedroom

Before he becomes bubonic

TOUGH GUYS CAMPAIGN

The National Emergency is organizing

His 2020 campaign

The military, the police, bikers

Will ensure his continued reign

He didn’t say exactly how

They would accomplish the mission

He just said they were tough

Implying some violence in the equation

Demagogic and autocratic

Is the campaign he will run

And lovers of violence

Just might have some fun

WELLS FARGO, AREN’T YOU IN ENOUGH TROUBLE!?

Wells Fargo was recently assigned a patent

On analyzing a customer’s emotional condition

To see if they are ripe

For a lucrative financial transaction

Well here’s one customer’s reaction

To this insidious corporate intrusion

I’m moving my banking to a bank

Not governed by social media delusion

“Customer emotional state analysis for optimized financial transaction”; Patent No. US 10,229,442; Issued 3/12/2019.

OFFICIAL ABSTRACT: The innovation disclosed and claimed herein, in one aspect thereof, comprises systems and methods for optimized communications based on a customer emotional state. In aspects of the system and method, a customer social media account is analyzed for past social media posts. Customer emotional states are determined for the past social media posts. The past social media posts are also associated with financial transactions made by the customer such that emotional states are linked to specific financial transactions. The system and method monitor the customer social media account for new social media posts. A new social media post can be detected. An emotional state can be determined for the new social media post. The system and method collect the financial transactions with the same emotional state. The system and method generate an offer for similar products and/or related to the financial transactions. The offer is communicated to the customer.

TWELVE AMERICANS

Twelve Republican Senators

Rejected appeals for blind loyalty

To the Orange Ogre

Instead opting for Constitutionality

They joined with Democrats

In a resolution saying nix

To the National Emergency’s effort

For an unconstitutional National Emergency fix

So at least a few in the GOP

Refuse to genuflect and prostrate

Before the Orange Demagogue

And his imperial state

SIMPLICITY

The Orange Genius says

He doesn’t want Einstein piloting his plane

Well, most of the nation’s citizens don’t want

The Orange Genius driving the national train

He says stuff

Has gotten too complicated

Simplicity is what works

Complexity is dangerous and overrated

But if he’s presenting himself

As a benefit of simplicity

Give us complexity

To the quantum extremity

MORE TIM APPLE

The Orange Demagogue

Wants you to understand

He’s not going senile

“Tim Apple” was what he planned

And Sarah Huckabee Sanders

Wants you to know

That defending the Orange Demagogue

Is the sole point of her show

Demagogues and their sycophants

Do not admit error

They are absolutely perfect

Regardless of whatever

As for the Orange Demagogue

Senility is probably not the problem

Credible rumor has it

His SATs were pretty near rock bottom

IMPEACHMENT POSTPONED?

The Orange Demagogue

Is safe for the moment

Pelosi doesn’t want to impeach

So he can continue to torment

Probably a wise stance for Pelosi

Because a successful impeachment

Would require Republican support

And the GOP is in ethical retrenchment

Unless there emerges

Conclusive evident of Russian collusion

The Orange Demagogue’s domain will likely

Avoid Congressional destruction

FIRST DEMAGOGUE PRESIDENT

A UVA scholar

Writing in the Washington Post

Calls the National Emergency

America’s first demagogue president

We most certainly are lucky

One thing a demagogue requires

Is an audience that finds him invigorating

People who are suade by his words

Who find his conduct infatuating

So the problem is not totally the Orange One

It’s also those who are enthralled

By a boorish, crude performer

Who lacks substance, values, discipline, but not gall

LIAR, LIAR PANTS ON FIRE

When a group of liars

Turn on each other

Who you gonna believe?

Maybe just not bother

The National Emergency says

A pardon was sought by Cohen

Cohen says no way

He was just coughing

Truth with this crowd

Is a rarely shown commodity

They live in a forest of lies

Absent from reality

TIM APPLE

As the years mount

One sign of cognitive dysfunction

Is mind and voice taking different directions

At a verbal junction

Thus the other day

The National Emergency babbled

About Tim Cook of Apple

But wires got crossed as he rambled

He spoke of Tim Apple

And proceeded as if

Everything was fine

And nothing was amiss

Hey Grandpa Orange One

As your mind slowly deteriorates

We expect more instances

Of your difficulty to verbally navigate

HIGHEST TRADE DEFICIT EVER!

The National Emergency

Is a man of action

(Though with tiny hands)

He goes for superlatives

And expects a favorable reaction

So let’s applaud him

For the highest trade deficit ever

As well as a budget deficit

That is becoming quite stellar

In his business career

He knew how to handle deficits

Just file for bankruptcy

And stiff those pesky peasants

Thus be prepared America

For a wild ride

As we explore national bankruptcy

To stem the deficit tide

DEMS CHARGE

Democrats are in gear

Charging into the fray

Demanding documents, holding hearings

Better keep outta the way

Republicans are of course upset

Saying they never acted that way

Benghazi, Hillary’s emails

Those were bona fide, not play

A word of caution for the Dems

Don’t appear unfocused

Appear to have a goal

Other than political hocus pocus

DISAPPEARING SURROGATES

What’s become of Rudy G?

It’s been weeks since we’ve seen him

Where did he go?

Did he commit a sin?

Maybe his bugged eyes

Finally popped out of his head

And they had

To put him in bed

Isn’t it strange

That the Orange One’s surrogates

Keep disappearing

Like those get-you-in-store vanishing rebates?

WITCH HUNT

The National Emergency says it’s a witch hunt

In truth the focus is not on a witch

The focus is actually on

A sorry son of a *****

Oops, many apologies, pardon my French

That wasn’t very polite

Every now and then

A body just has to take a bite

It’s one way to survive

The Orange One’s never-ending drama

Without succumbing to

Mind-numbing soul-destroying trauma

HUMPTY DUMPTY

The National Emergency is recuperating

From his performance at CPAC

Where for over two hours he rambled

At everything taking a crack

Sessions, Democrats, Cohen

Pocahontas, Mueller, Comey

The only thing he missed

Was the great fat Humpty Dumpty

Actually, that’s who he resembles

Sitting on his wall

The great fat Humpty Dumpty

When oh when will he fall?

Can’t be too soon

The nation’s fast approaching

A bona fide nervous breakdown

Of enormous proportion

CPAC CIRCUS

To CPAC’s conservative true believers

National Emergency gave a two-hour harangue

He touched all the right-wing buttons

And gave his injured ego a big bang

He promised to win in 2020

By a larger margin than 2016

But he didn’t actually win in 2016

Is was just an Electoral College shenanigan

The type of individual who enjoys

For a frightening two-hour span

The Orange One’s overheated drivel

Is difficult for a normal person to understand