Thursday, June 06, 2019

"THE WAR WAS VERY FAR AWAY"



The National Emergency muttered
“The war was very far away”
Was how he explained his aversion
To serving his country back in the day

OK, Great Orange Pumpkin
I guess that’ll have to do
Too bad the names on the Wall
Didn’t have the same options as you

A rich daddy
And draft board pull
That’s all it took
To stay home by the pool

Wednesday, June 05, 2019

JUNE 6, 1944


Seventy-five years ago
June 6, 1944
They went across the Channel
And opened the door

To the liberation of France
And the defeat of Hitler’s Germany
But D-Day on the beaches
Was a close thing in Normandy

American, British, Canadian forces
Were involved that day
Plus Free French elements
All going into the fray

In the British-Canadian sector
The beaches were Sword, Juno, Gold
That’s where their troops came ashore
So youthful and so bold

The beaches were Utah and Omaha
In the American sector
Utah wasn’t too bad
Omaha was almost a disaster

In the first wave on Omaha was
The First Infantry Division, the Big Red One
Veteran of North Africa, Sicily,
And a few wars later Vietnam

The other first wave division
At Omaha that day
Was the Twenty-Ninth Infantry
The Blue and the Grey

A National Guard Division
Far away from home
From Maryland and Virginia
The Old Line State and the Old Dominion

So set aside a few moments
On this anniversary
And imagine how it was
Wading ashore on Normandy

Tuesday, June 04, 2019

QUEENS' RIFFRAFF VISIT THE QUEEN


The National Emergency likes pageantry
Thus his London trip has been great
The Brits have pulled out all the stops
Except giving him a nasty girl to date

The Queen she pampered and praised him
The Prime Minister treated him well
The hostile crowds he pretended
Were really quite swell

As an unnecessary added ingredient
He brought most of his family
Apparently equating the bunch
With genuine British Royalty

Ivanka, Jared, Eric, Don Jr.
Quite a menagerie
Also Tiffany and a few grandkids
Riffraff from Queens on a spree

Monday, June 03, 2019

STONE COLD LOSER


The National Emergency whispered to the Queen
“Are you a nasty girl?”
The Queen replied, “So nasty
It’ll make your head swirl”

The National Emergency gulped
And started shaking with anticipation
But then the Queen poured cold water
On his expectation

“Look, Lard Butt,” she said
“You’re a stone cold loser
An uncouth colonial
A brick-headed diet-coke boozer”

“The crown jewels of the Kingdom
Are way outta your league
Stick to groping porn stars
And eating like Porky Pig”

Sunday, June 02, 2019

BLIMEY


To London to see the Queen
So goes the National Emergency
And maybe to irk the Brits
Who resent his undisciplined energy

Who he really wants to see
Is Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle
She’s a nasty gal
And nasty rings his bell

He’ll also harass a bit
Outgoing Prime Minister May
Who couldn’t stymie Brexit
And is not being asked to stay

Just what the Brits need
At this time of trouble
Is shoot-from-the-hip advice
From an empty headed Orange Air Bubble

Saturday, June 01, 2019

LOW IQ PORPOISE


Don’tcha just love
When the National Emergency gets red in the face
And makes ludicrous statements
That puzzle even his base

And the media take him seriously
Analyzing every word, twitch, and pause
When really all you have to say is
He’s a lost cause

Attributing his antics
To strategy and purpose
Is being way too generous
To the low IQ porpoise

Friday, May 31, 2019

KIM SETS AN EXAMPLE


The Greatest Hoax Ever’s admiration
For Kim Jong Un really rose
When he learned how Kim
Keeps his staff on their toes

Kim is alleged to have executed
His chief negotiator and planner
After the most recent failed summit
With the Greatest Hoax Ever

So Pompeo be on your toes
A screw-up here and there
And you could be dead meat
Courtesy of a National Emergency glare

Thursday, May 30, 2019

IMPEACH


“Dirty, filthy, disgusting”
Was how the Greatest Hoax Ever
Described the word “impeach”
Or maybe he was just trying to be clever

Although he appeared
Considerably overwrought
About to lose his marbles
Personification of a dork

Should he be impeached?
Well certainly, if there were no other considerations
But there is a monumental obstacle
Republicans manning the Senate fortifications

Absent an obvious smoking gun
Such as the National Emergency with his pants down
Mitch and his boys
Will stick with the Presidential clown

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

MUELLER SPEAKS!



Yes, he actually has a voice!
The media went quite berserk
Analyzing every word, pause, stumble
And interviewing every last opinionated jerk

How does one get a job, anyway
Among the opinionated jerks
Where does one apply
And what are the perks?

In any event, the National Emergency and his team
Said Mueller didn’t point to the jailhouse door
Democrats on the other hand
Said Mueller confirmed crimes galore

So the give and take continues
Perhaps never to end
Until the voters say enough
And throw out the Pathetic Orange Hen

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

WHO ARE WE?



What about those Republicans
Who still support the Greatest Hoax Ever
What are we to make of them
Can damaged relationships recover?

The Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un
The Saudi killer MBS
Heros to our President
What does that say about us?

Hopefully if the National Emergency
Is the Republican candidate in two years
We will correct our mistake
And celebrate with many, many beers

Monday, May 27, 2019

MEMORIAL DAY, AND PRAISE FOR KIM JONG UN


Memorial Day, and the National Emergency
Praises Kim Jong Un, world peace menace
Says he’s not “personally bothered”
By Kim’s nuclear missile fetish

How them bone spurs doing
Oh great 60’s draft avoider?
Maybe they’ll return in time
To keep you from another hostile encounter

What are you planning to tell
Air Force Academy grads this week?
Some war stories about your service?
No need to be humble and meek

Sunday, May 26, 2019

EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME


The National Emergency’s secret weapon
In dominating conversation and discourse
Is he avoids those forums
Where his audience has any recourse

White House driveway soliloquies
Abbreviated press photo ops
Such one-sided occasions provide
The majority of his props

And if he is challenged he has mastered
The perfect tough-guy put down
“Excuse me, Excuse me” he shouts
And his interrogator slinks to the ground

Saturday, May 25, 2019

GREATEST HOAX EVER II


The National Emergency is morphing into
The Greatest Hoax Ever
An embarrassment to the nation
Surpassing even Millard Fillmore

Who really wasn’t that bad
He was a normal human being
Unlike the Greatest Hoax Ever
Whose humanity is defined by his spleen

This is a guy whose conduct
Is overly aggressive if not downright fascist
Who strives for chaos and conflict
Who at best is a borderline racist

The hoax he perpetuated
Was that he was a normal human being
Not some strange creature devoid
Of empathy, judgement, and rational thinking

Friday, May 24, 2019

GREATEST HOAX EVER


The National Emergency says he’s the victim
Of the Greatest Hoax Ever
Not quite sure what he’s talking about
Probably just his usual blather

More undisciplined drivel
Comes outta his mouth
Than bees from a hive
Just attacked by a sloth

At outlandish exaggeration
The Orange One has found his specialty
Indeed at spouting hyperbole
He may be the best in all history

VERY STABLE GENIUS


Nancy said the National Emergency
Needs an intervention
Either that or he
Should be in detention

Intervention by his family and staff
Yeah, that would work well
Putting sycophants in charge
Of ringing the National Emergency’s bell

Yesterday he had staff
Publicly proclaim his sanity
That he was a very stable genius
And mentally still quite handy

How will you suck-ups
Look back on your performance?
Will it make your top-ten list
Of regrets quite enormous?

Wednesday, May 22, 2019

TEMPER TANTRUM


The Petulant Adolescent
Who is the National Emergency
Had a temper tantrum
Focused on Nancy Pelosi

At least that’s what it seemed
But possibly the real purpose
Was to distract attention
From his inability to focus

On anything but himself
And his need for adulation
The hell with the country
He requires our unquestioned gratification

Tuesday, May 21, 2019

POWER STRUGGLE


Democrats request, demand, subpoena
National Emergency simply says no
Is this how the process
Will continue to go?

Has the National Emergency
Rebalanced the balance of power
Among the three branches of government
Elevating the Executive to the ivory tower?

Pelosi, Nader, and crew
Better get your act together
Else you will find yourselves
Far removed from the national rudder

Monday, May 20, 2019

PRESS BRIEFINGS KAPUT


In the National Emergency’s era
Press briefings have mostly ceased
Information is now disseminated
In the White House driveway grease

It’s like shooting the bull with your neighbor
As you’re taking out the garbage
Anything you hear or say
Is certainly not intellectual arbitrage

Does Sarah Huckabee Sanders
Still have employment?
Getting paid for doing nothing
Must be quite an enjoyment

Sunday, May 19, 2019

A LITTLE TIME OFF?


What’s in the National Emergency’s
Craw this day?
Did he forget
his daily bray?

He can’t be taking a break
It’s not in his job description
He has to be constantly in motion
Bringing us national disruption

Opps, this just in
The National Emergency has twitter tiraded
Michigan Republican Justin Amash
For saying impeachment should be priority rated

Saturday, May 18, 2019

MORE ON THE FOURTH


With competing celebrations
The July Fourth holiday
Won’t be a fuzzy bore
But is shaping up quite excitingly

At one end of the Mall will be The Donald
At the other end a star-studded show
In between will be a nation
Wondering which way to go

The National Emergency will yell
“Are you great Americans with me?”
The star-studded show will answer “No”
The National Emergency will reply “In that case
I’m gonna make Iran glow”