CLARENCE AND MITCH

 

Clarence Thomas has found a way
To stay out of the financial rough
Become a Supreme Court Justice
And get lotsa free stuff
 
Meanwhile, the Capitol Physician
Medically cleared Mitch
To continue operating his brain
With a toggle switch

GEEZERS LOOKING BAD

 

Hey, Mitch
How you doing today?
mmmmmmmmmmmm
Well, it’s good to hear
You’re doing OK
 
Whattya think about
The Orange Huckster’s chances in the election?
mmmmmmmmmmmm
don’t want to comment, eh?
Well, that’s an understandable reaction
 
Aging politicians are giving
Us geezers a bad rep
Dianne, Mitch, Joe, the Huckster
Are we all that far outta step?

POLITICS INTERRUPTED

 

Nothing can interrupt politics
Like a hurricane coming ashore
All of a sudden the talking heads
Are surrounded by storm tracks galore
 
Gone for the moment are poll numbers
And other political paraphernalia
Replaced by isobars and correspondents
In heavy weather regalia
 
But whether politics or hurricanes
One thing is often the same
A major focus on Florida
Where elections and weather
Can each be a nasty game

DAY OF RECKONING TENTATIVELY SET

 

Judge has set a March 4, 2024, date
For the Orange Huckster’s insurrection trial
Hot damn! Let’s get
The show on the road
As part of election year entertainment
And the evolution of
The American experiment
 
Meanwhile,
Mark Meadows in effect testified
That trying to persuade Georgia officials
To nullify election results
Was part of his official dealings
And therefore belong before a federal court
In federal judicial proceedings
Yikes, Mark!

LEGAL NOOKS AND CRANNIES

 

State or federal courtroom
Mark Meadows is arguing that Monday
He’s pushing for federal
But a state jury
Might be a better play
 
Who really knows?
That’s the interesting thing
Regarding legal strategy
Sometimes you make wise choices
Sometimes you create your own tragedy
 
The Orange Huckster
Has given birth to enough issues
For a full year’s law school curriculum
And few have definitive answers
Being dependent on where stops the pendulum

ODE TO YUB

Said goodbye to YUB today
A ’76 Chevy pickup
Three on the tree
No radio, power steering
Or AC
 
Almost fifty years
We had some challenging times
Perhaps most notable
Was a non-stopped 800-mile-plus trip
In summer’s heat
From Ft. Rucker in Alabama
To home in Northern Virginia
After getting up at O-dark thirty
For a 10-mile forced march
Before starting the journey
 
YUB’s major service
In his declining decades
Was Christmas tree hunting
In Loudoun County
Wandering country roads
Sometimes with a group quite rowdy
Bouncing around in the back
Harassing the locals with efforts at comedy
(Talking about you, James)
 
Now YUB has a new owner
And will be in Loudoun permanently
Watch out, YUB, I hear those Ford 150s
Can be quite wild and woolly

 

HOW FAR HAVE WE FALLEN?

 

So, how far has
The American experiment fallen?
If you judge the matter
Based on the Orange Huckster
The fall is certainly more
than a mild disaster
 
The election of 2024
Will tell the tail
Of an historical aberration
Or a significant societal disintegration

BOOKED!

 

The Orange Huckster
Flew to Atlanta
Got himself booked
Then skedaddled outta there
 
Leaving behind a goofy scowling mug shot 
And a fabricated weight
215 pounds?
Gimme a break
A falsehood so outrageous
Makes one’s brain ache

PUTIN; AND THE “DEBATE”

 

Putin’s treatment of adversaries
Has roused the Orange Huckster’s envy
Blowing them outta the sky
Is a great strongman strategy
 
Now for the Republican “debate”
Who came out on top?
Maybe the Orange Huckster
By not showing up
Although Mike Pence and Nikki Haley
Did each avoid a drop
 
Who came out on bottom?
Maybe Ramaswamy
By espousing a far-right isolationist policy
While rambling about randomly
And raising questions about his sanity

ADVICE TO REPUBLICAN DEBATERS

 

The debate moderators and the audience
Will do their best to get the debaters
To comment on the Orange Huckster’s absence
Their responses should not
Acknowledge the Huckster’s existence
Should instead reflect the following essence
 
“He didn’t have the cojones to be here
So I’m not gonna discuss him
Here are my policy positions
I’m sticking with them”

200 GRAND BOND FOR THE HUCKSTER

 

Two hundred thousand dollar bond
For the Orange Huckster in Georgia
But likely much more infuriating to him
Are restraints on his social media
 
No intimidations
No threats, direct or indirect
No reposts of such threats
Does his legal team
Have any chance at all
Of preventing the Huckster from engaging
In his usual social media brawl?

HUCKSTER MEETS 14TH AMENDMENT

 

The Constitution’s 14th Amendment, Section 3
Entitled “Disqualification from Holding Office”
Is becoming the focus of attention
Does it prohibit the Orange Huckster from
Entering and winning a Presidential election?
 
To paraphrase and summarize
(dangerous undertakings)
Those who take an oath
supporting the Constitution
And who later engage in an insurrection
Or who give aid and comfort to those so involved
Are prohibited from rejoining
The federal organization
 
Adopted in the aftermath of the Civil War
To prevent former Johnny Rebs
From holding government office
Should it apply in 2024
To keep the Orange Huckster
From the White House door?

MITCH AND MICK

 

Mick Jagger is eighty
Mitch McConnell is eighty-one
Wonder if Mitch thinks wistfully about Mick
Sex, drugs, and rock and roll
Sure sound like fun
 
Mitch’s contributions to the world
Include a right-leaning Supreme Court
And Roe v. Wade’s termination
Mick’s contributions include the Rolling Stones
Jumping Jack Flash and Can’t Get No Satisfaction

THE HUCKSTER BACKS OUT

 

The Orange Huckster
Finked out on his Georgia evidence presentation
Preferring instead to
Rant, rave, and show great aggravation
 
He will also be a no-show
For the first Republican Presidential debate
Instead schmoozing on Twitter with
Tucker The Loser Carlson
Formerly a bloviator on Fox News
And now a Twitter recluse

ARE YOU A GOOBER?

 

A substantial portion of the citizenry
Has given up on democracy
In favor of ludicrous conspiracy
 
We’ll call this portion “Goobers”
In recognition of their inability
To separate bona fide facts
From stuff that is just plain silly
 
Unfortunately
A major political party
(No statement on its identity)
Has become overstocked
With those of a Goober mentality

THE HUCKSTER’S TRAVELLING ROADSHOW

 

If the Orange Huckster
Goes to the slammer
Will his secret service detail
Also sample prison’s glamour?
 
And will the Huckster
Come to the monetary aid
Of his sycophant and former attorney
Rudy Giuliani?

WEAPONIZING V. CRIMINALIZING

 

Republicans accuse Democrats
Of weaponizing government
Of polarizing politics
Of generally being incompetent
 
But Democrats can point out
At least they didn’t
Criminalize the Presidency
In an unlawful effort
To subvert Democracy

RAINY NIGHT IN GEORGIA

 

The Fulton County judicial apparatus
Is working into the night
Will there be indictments
Before the morning light?
 
BREAKING NEWS
PUT DOWN YOUR BOOZE
 
Ten indictments
Details not yet available
Clerk says might be three hours
The Huckster’s getting unstable
 
At last, details coming out
41-Count indictment, 19 defendants
Racketeering changes
30 un-indicted co-conspirators
Enough to keep the talking heads
Occupied far into the night
While the rest of us take to our beds

FATTEST HOG

 

The blue ribbon for the fattest hog
At the Iowa State Fair
Went to the one with tiny feet
An arrogant grunt, a foul odor
And faux orange hair

HOGS AT THE FAIR

 

Look at all them fat hogs
Must be the Iowa State Fair
No, it’s a gathering
Of Republican presidential wannabes
Including the one with the fake orange hair
 
Meanwhile,
Alabama Senator Tommy Tuberville
Who’s holding up military promotions
Turns out not to be a resident of Alabama
But resides on a beach in Florida
 
So, Florida has three Senators
And Alabama only one?
Welcome to the world
Of Republicans having Constitutional fun

CHARISMA OF A PRUNE

 

What’s Ron DeSantis’ problem
In addition to his anti-business
And anti-people policies?
Well, he has the charisma of a prune
And comes across as
A non-smiling arrogant goon
 
Meanwhile, Hunter Biden gets
His own Special Counsel
And the House MAGA Caucus
Is chomping at the bit
To impeach the whole Biden family
Just to do it
 
And meanwhile again
The Judge in the Jan 6 case
Acknowledged the Orange Huckster
Is running for President
But it’s just the Huckster's day job
And did not present
Need for a judicial procedure reinvent

HOW FAR IS TOO FAR?

 

The Orange Huckster
Is using his bully pulpit
To create and direct hostility
Toward federal and state authority
 
That may not be treasonous
But it sure comes close
If the Huckster has his say
American democracy would be toast

SEND HIM TO THE RIVIERA

 

The Orange Huckster said at a rally
He would prefer living
In the South of France
Let’s get him on his way
His absence from America
Would give political healing a chance
 
Here’s a one-way ticket, Huckster
All indictments have been vacated
You’ve got 24 hours
To get yourself permanently relocated

ASPIRATIONAL

 

The Orange Huckster’s attorneys
Are countering the charges against him
By characterizing his actions
As aspirational
And thus supposedly not criminal
 
Not criminal?
He aspired to steal a lost election
He aspired to violate the Constitution
He aspired to criminal obstruction
He aspired to character defamation
 
Aspiration indicates a strong desire
But at some point it morphs
Into excessive desire
The Huckster’s passage to excessive
Long ago became a legal quagmire

HUCKSTER BADMOUTHS AMERICA

 

The U.S. women’s soccer team
Had an early World Cup departure
Most people said something like
“That’s a shame”
And maybe added
“They played a good game”
 
But the Orange Huckster
Exulted in the moment
Denigrating the players
And using the loss as a metaphor
Of his assertion that
America is on the floor

THE HUCKSTER’S ATTRACTION

 

The Orange Huckster’s attraction?
No need to think
Just feed off his entertaining outrages
And maybe occasionally blink
 
It’s not a new phenomenon
Demagogues throughout history
Have earned the unquestioning loyalty
Of the masses by relieving them
Of the need to think rationally

A MOST LOYAL ARMY

 

The Orange Huckster’s army
Is standing fast
Indictments don’t bother it
The troops find legalese
Difficult to grasp
 
They support the Huckster’s
threats and insults
Not with verbal elaboration
But with violence and assaults

RON THE THROAT-SLITTER

 

If Ron DeSantis became President
He would in his own words
“Start slitting throats”
Thus to him federal government employees
Are nothing more than sacrificial goats
 
So beware, federal employees
The next White House occupier
Might be the Orange Huckster
Or Ron the throat-slitter
In either case the blood-thirsty MAGA crowd
Could be cheering a massive DC slaughter

UNITED STATES V. THE ORANGE HUCKSTER

 

The Orange Huckster pleaded
“Not Guilty”
to pretty much anything illegal
So the action at the DC court
Was over quickly
 
Back to the campaign trail
And those adoring MAGA crowds
Feeding his out-sized ego
Keeping his self-importance in the clouds

RETURNING TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

 

The Orange Huckster
Is returning to DC
Not for an inauguration
But to be indicted for conspiracy
 
Actually multiple conspiracies
And obstruction of an official proceeding
With the Huckster’s lies being
What set the illegalities careening
 
Will he visit the White House?
Joe is not there
He’s vacationing in Delaware
The Huckster could sneak in
And steal some presidential silverware

FINALLY, THE JAN 6 INDICTMENT

 

The forty-five page indictment charges
Actual obstruction of an official proceeding
And three conspiracies:
To obstruct an official proceeding
To defraud the United States
And against the right to vote
 
All very legalese
But throughout the forty-five pages
The means to achieve this national disaster
Is ultimately identified as lies, lies, and more lies
By the Orange Huckster
 
Dishonesty, fraud, and deceit
Were used to impair, obstruct, and defeat
The lawful federal government function
Of overseeing the results
Of a presidential election