FUNDING EMERGENCY

 

It’s me, the Orange Huckster
The deep state wants me bad
That’s why I appeal to you
The faithful MAGA crowd
 
Fighting the deep state
On your behalf
Takes loads of cash
40 million here, 60 million there
You do the math
 
So open your wallets
Send me everything you got
It’s what I need
To get back on top
 
Will I remember you?
Probably not
But I’m the Orange Huckster
I’m all you pathetic people got

TWILIGHT YEARS

 

Mitch and Dianne
Were having a meeting
Mitch was silent
Dianne was uttering gibberish
Chuck Grassley chimed in
Saying that’s just rubbish
On the door there was a tap
The Senate Caregiver whispered
“Time for everyone’s nap”
 
(Sidebar: Cranky is 80, naptime)

THE WAITING CONTINUES

 

Another week without
A Jan 6 indictment
The Orange Huckster is having difficulty
Controlling his temperament
 
Lashing out at his many enemies
And also often at his supposed friends
Denigrating the media
Muttering irrelevant odds and ends

MITCH’S GERM

 

The thing that Mitch got
Where he froze like a clam
Is it contagious?
And if so would someone slip
The Orange Huckster a gram
 
And also maybe Jim Jordan
Kevin McCarthy, Marjorie Taylor Greene
And the rest of the Republican

MAGA machine

BUT WHAT ABOUT HILLARY’S EMAILS?

 

Additional classified document charges
Against the Orange Huckster
He finds them more annoying
Than a poorly placed catheter
 
The guy who became President
Because of Hillary’s email stupidity
Has certainly outshone her
With his document handling criminality

RON ON SLAVERY

 

Ron DeSantis apparently thinks
Not much was wrong with slavery
As long as the slaves learned a skill
And didn’t mind a little misery
 
Ron has also
Made Florida a pariah
To rational people who aren’t burdened
With anti-woke fire

IMPEACHMENT FEVER

 

You impeached our guy
We’ll impeach yours
So threaten the radical right
Of the Republican chorus
 
Kevin is caught between
The Freedom Caucus and rational Republicans
Of which there aren’t many
And with the Freedom Caucus loving
Political shenanigans

MOST SECURE ELECTION EVER

 

Prior to the 2020 election
The Orange Hoax praised election security
But as the election approached
And evidence mounted of unfavorable expectations
He reversed course to lay the groundwork
For massive fraud allegations
 
Meanwhile,
Nude photos of Hunter Biden
Have Marjorie Taylor Greene
All in a lather
Calm down, Marjorie, you’re no longer nineteen

BYE DAN, WE AIN’T GONNA MISS YA’

Little Danny Snyder has departed
Maybe DC can take a breather
And hope that the Orange Hoax
Will be the next fleeing worthless geezer
 
Meanwhile,
Is this the week
Of the Jan 6 indictment?
And just maybe of the
Late night talk shows reinstatement?

GIVE THE HOAX A MULLIGAN

 

What’s the Orange Hoax’s
Campaign slogan?
“Keep me outta jail”
I’m no hooligan
I just like from time to time
A little shenanigan
For all that stuff in those indictments
Just give me a mulligan

IS BARBIE WOKE?

 

Get on the case, Ron DeSantis and company
Time for anti-woke Republicans
To investigate a major cultural threat
No, it’s not critical race theory
Or anything transgendery
It’s the Barbie pink airplane playset
 
Talk about brainwashing
Every manly man knows
Jets should be camouflaged
Not a girly pinkish rose
 
Just another attack
On masculinity
Another attempt to destroy
Male dignity

ANOTHER INDICTMENT? HO-HUM

 

A Jan 6-related indictment
For the Orange Hoax appears close
Will this mean
That he’s toast?
 
Not to his MAGA army
They look at his indictments
As battle ribbons awarded in his war
Against societal and political establishments

FISHING CAN BE HAZARDOUS

 

Casting for fish
Is a dangerous endeavor
You may end up
Scarred forever

 

SAGA FOR THE AGES

 

The Orange Hoax’s legal journey
Is becoming a veritable odyssey
Multiple plot lines, a gaggle of characters
Homer, Chaucer, Shakespeare
Would likely have been proud to create
A saga of such complexity

THIRD PARTY SUICIDE

 

Senator Joe Manchin is teasing
A third party run
Just what the nation needs
More perverse fun
 
In the election of 2000
Third party candidate Ralph Nader
Took enough votes from Democrat Al Gore
To produce the George W. Bush disaster
 
Is that the type of thing, Senator Manchin
That you want on your conscience
A second term for the Orange Hoax
Threatening the nation’s existence?

SENATE “HOLDS”

 

One of the anti-democracy practices
In the United States Senate
Is the “hold”
Which enables a single Senator
To bring to a complete halt
Business on a particular matter
 
Coach Goober Tuberville
Is currently the most notable practitioner
With his hold on military promotions
Until his anti-abortion demands
Receive favorable considerations
 
Joining Coach Goober in the holding game
Are two other Republican Senators
Kentucky’s Rand Paul and Ohio’s J.D. Vance
Paul until he determines where covid originated
And Vance until he eliminates the wokeness
He perceives the State Department has created

NATION NEEDS LATE NIGHTERS BACK

 

When do we get back
Colbert, Fallon, Kimmel?
How can we cope with the world’s insanity
Without their comedic commentary?
 
The excessively rich owners and high management
Need to end this strike quickly
Or else the nation will disappear
Into a thicket of rich folk pomposity

PERILS OF TEACHING

 

Teachers these days
Have to be really careful
Utter the wrong word
Express the wrong idea
And the school board just might say
Sorry, you’re no longer here

All that’s needed for you
To run afoul of authority
Is one opinionated loud mouth
Who decides to attack you personally

COCAINE AT THE WHITE HOUSE

 

The Secret Service said
That the source and ownership
Of the cocaine found at the White House
Could not be determined
Republicans of course see a conspiracy
And a political issue that is really juicy
 
Well, here’s another possible conspiracy
The cocaine was planted by
A morally corrupt Republican politician
(Is that a redundancy?)
Seeking to give Joe a black eye

NATO SUMMIT

 

At the NATO Summit
Joe came on strong
Staunch support for Ukraine
Condemnation of Putin
As in the wrong
 
Was his speech Churchillian?
It wasn’t far off
Joe described a lofty mission
And came across as a Statesman
Not a pandering politician

ANOTHER ORANGE HOAX PROTÉGÉ

 

Anybody talking to Tommy yet?
He’s really hurt
Back in his football coaching days
People hung on his every burp
 
Now they wait eagerly
For the old insert foot in mouth routine
Tommy’s really good at that
He’s a veritable faux pas vending machine

TUBERVILLE SAYS DON’T IGNORE ME

 

Alabama Senator Tuberville
Has revealed his real gripe
No one has talked to him
So for this slight
He’s holding up senior military promotions
Until things get right
 
He might have been
A helluva football coach
But as a Senator, statesman, and politician
He seems a bit of a grouch
 
But stick to your guns, Senator
Being ignored can really hurt
These people have to learn
That you ain’t no ordinary squirt

FEAR, ANGER, OUTRAGE

 

What motivates voters?
Some are motivated
By issues and policy
Others are motivated
By fear, anger, outrage
Guess which group is keeping
The Orange Hoax on the stage?
 
The Orange Hoax himself
Doesn’t much care
About issues and policy
Stoking fear, anger, outrage
Is what he finds heavenly

POLICY NOT THEIR THING

 

Do MAGA Republicans
Care about policy matters?
No, their motivation
Is the victimization
Of the Orange Hoax
Their cult’s personification
 
So the Hoax
Doesn’t spend his time
Discussing policy nuances
He just rambles on and on
About his many grievances

ATTORNEY EXTRAORDINAIRE

 

Rudy Giuliani
Has been recommended for removal
From the District of Columbia Bar
An attorney like Rudy always on the edge
Can easily go too far
 
Meanwhile, House Republicans
Are as conspiratorial
As Putin’s Russia
And about as ineffectual

FREEDOM CAUCUS HAD ENOUGH OF MTG

 

The Freedom Caucus reportedly has booted
Marjorie Taylor Greene
Serves her right for dissing Lauren Boebert
The MAGA gun-toting queen

MIKE PENCE, THE LOST CAUSE

 

Mike Pence is wandering around Iowa
Looking for a ticket to the big dance
The nation owes you, Mike
But you really don’t stand a chance

GUNS ENTRUDING ON FIREWORKS

 

Fireworks on the Fourth
Are expanding to include mass shootings
As a portion of the citizenry
View easy access to weaponry
As an invitation to
Mayhem and banditry
 
Time for the Second Amendment
To stop standing in the way
Of rational guy regulation
Repeal it or interpret it to allow
More than “just pray”

CLARENCE AND KETANJI

 

Apparently high on the list
Of Justice Clarence Thomas’ dislikes
Are mouthy Black Women
That would help explain
His recent outpouring
Of barely restrained verbal venom
 
The outpouring was in a concurring opinion
About the Court’s removal of affirmative action
As acceptable criteria for college admission
 
In his concurring opinion
Justice Thomas specifically named
Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson eighteen times
Most of them with disparaging language untamed
 
In her first year on the Court
Justice Jackson has been
An unusually active verbal participant
Much more so than Clarence
Who for years was mostly dormant
 
So he’s probably been fuming and seething
For the last year
And the vituperation finally flowed
Clarence, maybe you should consider retirement
Afterall, Ketanji’s just getting in gear
 
Say, wasn’t there another
Strong-willed Black Woman in Clarence’s past?
Hard to recall
Time goes by so fast

FLUID LINDSEY GRAHAM

 

At a rally in his home state
With the Odious Orange Hoax
Lindsey Graham’s wishy-washiness
Got him mightily booed
Maybe South Carolinians
Have had enough of the spineless dude
 
But for the next few years
South Carolinians are stuck with Lindsey
He’s around ‘til 2027
Which means enough back and forths
To make even him dizzy

THE PARADE HAS JUST BEGUN

Think the Supremes have exhausted
Their anti-woke crusade?
Thanks to Mitch and the Orange Hoax
We’re in for a long right-wing parade
 
Coming up next term
The Second Amendment and domestic abuse
Unlikely the Founding Fathers
Had much to say on this
Leaving the conservative majority
free to protect the right of domestic abusers
to own all the firearms they want
For a really great domestic abuse party
 
Justice Amy Coney Barrett should be able
To work in baby-sitting reference
Maybe equating domestic abuse
With just exuberant baby sitting
By a gun-toting Constitutional Zeus