Kristi Noem’s Militia

 

Kristi Noem
The Republican (of course) Governor
Of South Dakota
Seems to think the state’s National Guard
Is her own personal militia
 
She sent the Guard to Texas
To do some dirty work
Where to next?
Maybe the Capitol in DC
To reinstate the Orange Jerk

HOT

The heat is here

Hotter than hell

Makes you wanna

Ring the emergency bell 

Is it global warming?

Or maybe just summer

Whatever it is

It’s a real bummer

SMACKDOWN FOR MARJORIE

 

Marjorie Taylor Greene said
AOC is a “little communist”
AOC replied
“I’m taller than her”
AOC could have added
“And also I’m not a little fascist”

THE HOAX IS BACK

 

The Orange Hoax is back
He held a “rally” in Ohio
And he was as usual
An unrestrained bozo
 
Complaining, whining, attacking, lying
Back in the action
Showing no humility
Just sucking up adulation

UFOs AND THE ELECTION

 

Critics of the 2020 election
Are missing an obvious possibility
A Government report has described
Unidentified aerial phenomena
So UFOs could very well be
A reality
 
Indeed if you look closely
At the vote audit in Arizona
You might catch glimpses
Of little dark specks
Bouncing about the premises
 
So maybe an alien civilization
Hijacked the election
Installing an Administration
Favorable to alien domination
 
On the other hand
If aliens are about
Who more resembles one
Than the Odious Orange Lout?

WHAT RIGHT TO VOTE?

 

The Department of Justice
Goes after Georgia
For voter restrictions that may
Violate Constitutional order
 
The Republican Party
Is morphing into
The Democratic Party
Of a century ago
That Jim Crow drew
 
Turning back the clock
Is what many Republicans want
To a time when
Racial differences were paramount

RUDY NEEDS A LAWYER

 Rudy got a legal spanking
No more practicing law
In New York State
Where he once was the law
 
My, how the powerful have fallen
Rudy into legal limbo
The Odious Orange Hoax into
The category of bozo

*********************** 

COMING SOON:
“The Presidents in Quirky Illustrated Verse”
 
Verse by David Holland
Illustrations by Phil McKenney
 
Here’s LBJ:
 
Lyndon Baines Johnson was a Texan
He was elected to the House in 1937
In 1948 became a U.S. Senator
And in 1953 became the Senate Democratic Leader
 
In the beginning of World War II
He was briefly on active duty in the Navy
He received a Silver Star
When his plane was shot at from afar
 
When John Kennedy was assassinated
In November 1963
LBJ was the VP
And thus assumed the Presidency
 
As President he had
Both great success and great failure
The great success included
The many components
Of the Great Society
Among them voting and civil rights, Medicare
Urban renewal, and the war on poverty
 
The great failure was
The Vietnam morass
Into which the nation slid
Like a dog on slick glass

SUPREMES ‘TUDE ON SCHOOL

 

In an eight-to-one decision
The Supreme Court held
Saying “F__K School” does not
Permit disciplinary hell
 
The lone party pooper was
Justice Clarence Thomas
His dislike of bad language
Is apparently quite enormous

ENGLISH MAJORS NEEDED

 

English majors needed
Undefinable stuff
Is taking language into
The wild, wild rough
 
Cancel culture, wokeness
Critical race theory
Such things are beyond
The average person’s reality
 
But the words are thrown around by
Bloviating communicators
Pretending there is meaning in
Vague nonsensical descriptors

REPUBLICAN ELECTION REFORM

 

The ideal Republican voter is
White, old, and alienated by the “elite”
Everyone else is
Just dead meat
 
The return of Jim Crow is really what
Mitch and his cronies desire
Bringing that about requires
Convincing the base the need is dire

REPUBLICAN AUTHORITARIANS

 

Republicans are positioning themselves
To control elections at the local level
To eliminate any oversight
That includes Democratic Party personnel
 
Sounds like the democratic process
Is anathema to the GOP
It prefers authoritarian control
To relying on democracy

JOLTIN’ JOE MANCHIN

 

Joltin' Joe Manchin
Is hot to trot
The Dems need his vote
So lotta power he’s got
 
West Virginia
(Which seceded from Virginia)
Certainly should be proud
Of its rambunctious disrupter

OBAMACARE WINS

 

The Supreme Court sent a message
Obamacare is the law of the land
So give it a rest Republicans
Find something else on which
To take an archaic stand
 
Does the medical system
Need some fixing?
You bet it does
The complexity and inefficiency
Is very vexing
 
But Republicans have displayed
No interest in system reorganization
Their main goal is
Political domination
Universal medical care does not
Arouse their attention

MOST OUTLANDISH THEORY YET?

 

Fringe Republicans are pushing
A really whacky theory
That Jan 6 was
An FBI conspiracy
 
Tucker Carlson and company
Have hopped on the bandwagon
So here we go again
Riding the wild dragon
 
Intellectual evolution
Has apparently taken a detour
Social media has intruded
To open a basement door

JOE AND VLADIMIR

 

Joe and Vladimir
Got together
Unlike the Orange Hoax
Joe did not kowtow to Vladimir
As if Vladimir was his owner
 
But did Joe and Vladimir
Accomplish anything substantively?
Probably not directly
But maybe on the margins of reality
 
Which is a murky way of saying
No one really knows
Let’s wait and see where
The next ransomware goes

HARD TO BELIEVE

 

Twenty-one GOP Congresspersons
Exercising their discretion
Voted not to give medals
To Capitol Police Officers and others
Who bore the brunt
Of the Jan 6 insurrection
 
So how ‘bout them apples
You Grand Old Partiers?
No medals for those
Who protected you from rioters?

QANON ON THE MOVE

QAnon
Is getting itself worked up
Feeding on fantasy
Anxious to erupt
 
To show the nation
They’re not unhinged dingbats
Just ordinary citizens
Wanting to irradicate political rats
(Meaning Democrats)

NO GUNS IN TOWN

 

We need Matt Dillon
Remember that dude?
Not the actor but the Gunsmoke TV character
He could be real rude
 
Marshal of Dodge City
Had a simple rule
Don’t bring your gun to town
Or you’re on the jailhouse stool
 
The freedom to carry
Many are now embracing
Indicates an attitude conducive to
Widespread gun misbehaving

CRITICAL RACE THEORY

 

So what is this
Critical race theory?
To the left
It’s an interpretation of history
To the right
It’s a distortion of history
To students
It’s a meaningless class between
Lunch and phys-ed misery

ABUSE OF POWER?

 

The Odious Orange Hoax
Apparently sicced DOJ
Onto members of Congress
To make them pay
Or maybe pray
 
Some might say
Abuse of power
But such was not a crime
Back in Trump Tower

ANTI-VAXXERS ON THE ATTACK

 

Anti-vaxxers
Are coming to the fore
Regurgitating weird stuff
To keep the vaccine from the door
 
A nurse on TV
Claimed being magnetized
But a key wouldn’t stick to her neck
Maybe her polarity had been revised
 
It’s times like these
That we become aware
Of how completely looney
Many of our fellow citizens are

BIDEN AND PUTIN

 

Biden to meet Putin
Will Joe cave like his predecessor
Who ended up kowtowing
To the Russian dictator?
 
Joe is in a better position
Than was the Odious Orange Hoax
Who Putin had a video of
Entertaining young ladies with, er, jokes?

MISSING THE INSTIGATOR

 

The Senate has issued a report
On the Jan 6 insurrection
The report has many security details
But also a big omission
 
It lacks any discussion of
The Odious Orange Outrage
In other words it covers a crime
But ignores the chief instigator
Who dominated the stage
 
The instigator who told a mob
To give democracy the boot
The mob responded “Will do, Sir”
And gave him a salute

VALLEY OF COMPROMISE

 

Extremists to the right of us
Extremists to the left of us
Into the Valley of Compromise
Congress does not rush
 
It is much easier
To obstruct and pontificate
Than do the hard work
Necessary to legislate

OLD MAN PANTS

 

On Saturday night
The Odious Orange Hoax
Was wearing some weird pants
That produced many social media jokes
 
Maybe he got them
From the MyPillow guy
Whose knowledge of odd fabric
Is undoubtedly high
 
In any case the Hoax’s pants
Seemed to be missing a zipper
Perhaps the Hoax doesn’t need one
Maybe he wears a diaper

BAN SWISS ARMY KNIVES

 

A federal judge has said
An AR-15 is like
A Swiss Army knife
Yeah, that sounds right
 
Just like an AR-15
A Swiss Army knife
Is a weapon for mass murder
The corkscrew alone has brought
Death to an unknown number
 
And the can-opener?
Don’t get me started
That’s one lethal tool
Ask the love ones of
The thousands departed
 
The scissors may be tiny
But they can sever an artery quickly
And as for the tweezers
They rip out eyebrows nicely
 
So if you want to commit mayhem
Leave your AR-15 at home
Grab your Swiss Army knife
And hack off a bone

RANSOMWARE

 

Ransomware is apparently
The next big thing
Need to get in on the action
And have a fling
 
Give me big money
Or I’ll use my technological thunder
To make annoying calls
To your land-line number

LOST CONSTITUTION PROVISION

 

A lost provision
Of the U.S. Constitution
Has recently been discovered
And it is no illusion
It was inadvertently omitted
From the first printed edition
 
Article II, Section 1
Has a final paragraph:
“If after a Presidential election
In which the incumbent President is defeated,
But he thinks he actually won
Then he shall be reinstated
If necessary at the point of a gun”
 
So that settles the matter
The Odious Orange Outrage
Is entitled to reinstatement
And return to the White House stage

REINSTATEMENT

 

Nowhere in the Constitution
Is Presidential reinstatement mentioned
But that’s not stopping
The Odious Orange Outrage
From predicting his resurrection
 
And his QAnon supporters
Have hopped on the bandwagon
Saying come this August
Biden will be gone

CONSPIRACY NATION?

 

Conspiracy theories
Are running wild
Whack jobs have
Hit the speed dial
 
QAnon
Is the new religion
Attracting adherents
Like criminals to a prison