SYCOPHANTIC SUCK-UP PERFORMANCE

Has there ever been a parallel in American history to match the sycophantic suck-up performance that occurred this afternoon (December 20, 2017) on the steps of the White House?

Nearly a dozen Congressional leaders, including House Speaker Paul Ryan and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, fell all over themselves telling the world how tremendously awesome President Donald J. Trump is. Oh, and the just passed Tax Reform Law was good too. Did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Franklin D. Roosevelt, or Ronald Reagan require such obsequious conduct?

Fellow Americans, something ain't right. Our current ultimate leader requires far too much coddling. And his immediate sub-leaders need backbone transplants. (Cranky would say they need to grow a pair but such language is no longer acceptable.)

TRUMP'S TRIUMPH

Many naysayers contend that President Trump hasn't accomplished squat in his almost first year in office. But there is one thing he certainly has accomplished. He has achieved what has apparently long been his goal. And that is to be the undisputed center of attention.

Has there ever been a more needy individual? At least one over the age of three? Remember his first public cabinet meeting when he went around the table virtually demanding accolades from the attendees?

The craving for attention explains his often erratic, irrational behavior. Who are you mostly likely to notice, the serious quiet individual trying to get something done, or the loud buffoon ranting and raving about nothing in particular?

Yes, we put a narcissistic self-infatuated showman in charge. And he's not gonna let us relax for a moment.     

ZERO TOLERANCE OR GRAB 'EM BY THE P___Y

In their unceasing effort to never agree on anything, our two political parties have ended up on opposite ends of the sexual harassment and assault spectrum.

Extreme Democrats have gone the zero tolerance route. Told an off-color joke in mixed company? Complimented an individual of the opposite sex on their appearance? Accidentally touched someone in a place he or she considers off-limits? Then at the very least you need to place yourself on a sexual predator watch-list.

On the other hand, extreme Republicans, particularly those who have achieved considerable political power, apparently view sexual harassment and assault as benefits of the job. Genitalia-grabbing? Assaulting teenage girls? Hey, you earned the right.

Maybe it's time for some new political parties.

GOVERNMENT OF THE RICH, BY THE RICH, FOR THE RICH

Many decades ago when Cranky was a history major, one historical situation puzzled him a bit. It involved the French Revolution in the waning years of the 18th Century. The thing that puzzled him was, what made the French common folk such blood-thirsty rascals? Yeah, they had some grievances, and yeah, it was long ago when people were maybe still imbibed with some primitive blood lust, but getting their kicks by cutting off the heads of their social and economic betters? Cranky just didn't quite get it.

Well, now in his waning years, Cranky is beginning to get it. The ascendancy of His Highness D.J. Trump to the Presidency of these United States and the obnoxious rich people he has surrounded himself with has shown Cranky that, under the proper circumstances, disliking the rich very much is an easy emotion to develop. Indeed, it is extremely hard to resist.

The latest evidence that the rich are obnoxious? The tax bills that the House and the Senate will likely soon combine into a monstrous financial goody gift for those at the top of the economic pyramid. And what will this goody gift have for the us peasants? A "tremendous" increase in the national debt, not to mention increased taxes for many poor and middle income taxpayers.

Maybe the guillotine wasn't such a bad idea after all.   

GENERAL JOHN KELLY'S SOUL

A more appropriate title for Donald Trump’s book The Art of the Deal is The Art of the Steal. The Donald’s business ethics differed little from his current political ethics. Central to both sets of values is a disregard for truth. Falsehoods, more bluntly called lies, are not something to be avoided but tools for achieving goals. For those individuals with a sense of morality regarding business and politics, goals achieved through falsehoods are not so much deals as stolen property. Hence The Art of the Steal. 

The latest steal by Donald Trump is the soul of General John Kelly. In support of his boss, the General gave a distorted—false—description of a speech Congresswoman Frederica Wilson made in 2015. In the General’s telling, Representative Wilson, at the dedication of an FBI building in Miami, was overly boastful about her role in obtaining funding for the project. Video of the event, however, shows her giving credit to others, thanking then-House Speaker John Boehner (a Republican in case you have forgotten), and praising the two deceased FBI agents for whom the building was named. The General also publicly described the Congresswoman as like “empty barrels making the most noise,” a description this disciplined military man would not likely have publicly made before he fell under the sway of the Master Stealer, er Dealer. 

How did the General’s fall into this murky morass come about? Well, based on growing, and disturbing, knowledge of the type of person the 45th President is, here is a possible scenario. It is not proven fact. But it is not implausible. 

Start with the likely fact that Donald Trump has no capacity for empathy. The probable reason is that he is one of the most self-centered individuals on this planet. Everything is all about him. He needs constant acknowledgements of his worth and greatness. Other people’s problems? Yeah, whatever. 

So he unexpectantly falls into a job where empathy, or at least its appearance, is important. Citizens of these United States want their President to be able to show some understanding of the sorrows and downsides of life. The Donald begins to realize that he is empathy-deficient. Perhaps an eye-opening event was the call Donald placed to a parent of a dead soldier in which he, the Donald, gets so flustered that he promises the man a personal check for $25,000. To avoid a repetition, the Donald asks his Chief of Staff, a four-star General who lost a son in war, for advice on phone calls to Gold Star families. 

Among the things the General drops in their discussion is a catchy phrase, along the lines of “that’s what he signed up for.” But the General likely had much context around the phrase. “Your loved one was serving his country. Sometimes such service results in the ultimate sacrifice. Your loved one realized this possibility yet selected service to country anyway. He understood the dangers but still signed up.” 

But non-empathetic Donald didn’t catch the nuance and subtlety. His was a blunt “must have known what he signed up for.” It was almost as if he were adding, “At least he wasn’t captured. I don’t like people who were captured.” 

And then the General, realizing his contribution to the President’s tactless, un-empathetic effort, attempts to make amends. He does so in the manner his boss would, perhaps even receiving guidance from the boss. He conducts a personal attack on Congresswoman Wilson. Donald Trump has stolen his soul.

AMORAL CAPITALISM

How did the fanbase of Russia in the United States shift from the far left of the political spectrum to a location on the right side of that spectrum? After all, just three decades ago no respectable member of the Republican Party in the United States would have been kissing up Russia or its then parent, the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics.

The short answer is that the fanbase of Russia in the United States moved because Russia itself moved from Communism to what might be called Amoral Capitalism, or maybe No-Morality Capitalism.

For much of the 20th Century, from 1917 to 1991, Communism provided the structure for the Russian economy, government, and society. Communism is based on common ownership of the means of production, usually defined broadly. In practice, common ownership is government ownership.

The antithesis of Communism is Capitalism. Under pure Capitalism, the economic system is totally under private control. In practice, however, pure Capitalism does not exist, at least to any significant degree. What does exist is often called a mixed economy. In a mixed economy, both the private sector and government engage in economic activity.

How economic activities are allocated between the private sector and government in a mixed economy is a subject of never ending debate. Proponents of each side in the debate are prone to apocalyptic language regarding the various pros and cons. Very generally, the Democratic Party sees a larger role for government than does the Republican Party. Democrats on the extreme left end of the political spectrum desire a very large role for government. Republicans on the right end of the political spectrum want as little government as possible, maybe even less government than that.

Communism in Russia and the other member republics of the USSR eroded in the 1980s. Some observers argue that Communism deteriorated primarily because of its incompatibility with human individualism. Other observers attribute its fall primarily to Ronald Reagan, the U.S. President for much of the decade, and a firm believer in as much Capitalism as possible.

Whatever the cause of the fall, Communism in Russia and the USSR was done. The U.S. fans of Russia on the extreme left of the political spectrum had to look elsewhere for their Big Government fix.

But what was to take the place of Communism as the guiding principle for the Russian economy, government, and society? The answer has only slowly emerged, and the situation is still quite murky. A form of Capitalism, however, appears to have risen to power. Private economic activity is extensive, but government is less an overseer and arbiter of that activity than a participant. The government rules and regulations that are imposed on the private sector in a largely mixed economy seem, in present-day Russia, to be not so much imposed as nefariously negotiated, bargained for, and bought.

Some observers might characterize this result as corrupt: the private sector only needs to buy its way to success. Other observers, however, might find this result attractive. Among those possible fans are believers in pure, or almost pure, Capitalism. The economy is under private control, some of it directly and some as a result of a symbiotic, incestuous relationship with government. This form of Capitalism is divorced from morality; it is Amoral Capitalism.

Thus, the new U.S. fans of Russia can be found in the portion of the U.S. political spectrum that desires unfettered economic freedom. Indeed, these U.S. fans may well envy the Capitalists of Russia with their Amoral Capitalism. Government rules and regulations that succumb to the private sector’s desires and dollars, well that’s just fine.

A TWEET AIN'T A LAWFUL ORDER

Fake President Trump has sent out a tweet stating that transgender individuals cannot be part of the U.S. military. And everybody's bent out of shape.

But is that all Fake President Trump did? Is there any real paper work? A letter to the SecDef? An official directive of some sort? A proclamation? An official order? If not, then what's all the excitement about?

A Fake President issues a Tweet. He does that multiple times each week. Legally, it don't mean squat. 

STILL A THREAT

Cranky is a mostly retired guy, but he still does a few short-term projects in downtown DC. He usually takes the world-renowned DC metro to work, during rush hours. Over the last several years, more and more young, and occasionally older, women have been offering him their seat.

His response is, "Hey Sweetheart, I know I look pathetic, but I'm still a threat."

In truth, he's no longer a threat, at least much of one. But this is the Age of Trump, and in the Age of Trump, truth is what you say it is.

9 WEEKS DOWN, 199 TO GO

Helluva week!

) FBI Director sees no evidence that Obama wiretapped the Trumpster.
) But FBI and others continue to look into the Russia-Trumpster bromance.
) Bannon gets authoritarian with the Freedom Caucus, telling them they have to support TrumpCare. (Lesson--you don't tell anti-authoritarians they have to do anything.)
) Chief Congressional suckup Devin Nunes apparently forgets that Congress is a co-equal branch of government with important responsibilities. Nunes runs to White House with allegedly earth-shaking evidence regarding the Trumpster's trumped-up falsehoods, forgetting to inform his Committee colleagues beforehand.
) Greatest deal-maker in history (just ask him) fails to get deal he said more than once he would get on election day. Accepts no responsibility for the failure. Deal-making with sleazy real estate and gambling folks was certainly much easier, maybe because only money was involved and not politics, principles, morality, or other such distactions. 

8 WEEKS DOWN, 200 TO GO

A QUANDRY

You are a loyal patriotic American. You've served your country in a variety of ways, maybe even including wearing your country's uniform. You believe in the principles upon which your country was founded and that it strives to live by. You want your country to succeed.

But the President of your country is a narcissistic prima donna bozo who can't stop telling you and your fellow citizens how great he is. He also lies and fabricates well beyond the degree that is common in the political profession. You want him to fail.

How do you reconcile these divergent desires?

WHY DONALD WON AND HILLARY LOST

Of course, many factors contributed to the Trumpster's victory (in the electoral college, not in the popular vote) over Hillary. One of the most important, however, maybe the most important, was the Trumpster's apparent competence with Twitter versus the email debacle of Hillary and her pals.  

Illustrator Phil McKenney of Montross, Virginia, has captured the essence of the matter in the above 'toon. The Trumpster's Twitter skills gave the impression, most likely false, that he knew what he was doing in the brave new world of the Information Age.

On the other hand, the email mess that the Hillary crowd brought on themselves led many border-line voters to conclude, "I don't want these clowns in charge of the nation." Oh, the Hillary people would blame it all on Russian hacking. But even if there was such hacking (as there probably was), what it revealed was a bunch of technological neophytes who never learned the basic lesson of email: "If you don't want it on the front page of the Washington Post, don't put it in an email."

7 WEEKS DOWN, 201 TO GO

The Trumpster started off week 7 by accusing his predecessor of felonious conduct. The felonious conduct was apparently so obvious that the Trumpster saw no need to provide any collaborating facts, details, proof, whatever.

Then His Highness turned to the difficult issue of repealing, reforming, renaming, whatever, ObamaCare. His negotiating skills were much in evidence as he called various interested parties into his presence for meetings. The nation watched with expectant awe as one of history's greatest deal-makers did his stuff. The outcome was certainly to be the best national healthcare system ever.

House Speaker Paul-three-hour-marathon-Ryan did his part with a power point presentation that had other power point warriors in the nation's capital gasping in admiration. Business schools across the country, knowing outstanding teaching material when they see it, immediately begged for copies.

The Trumpster began the weekend with a round of golf at Trump National Golf Club in Potomac Falls, Virginia. It was his ninth golf outing in his first seven weeks in office. Not bad work if you can get it.  

6 WEEKS DOWN, 202 TO GO

GREATEST SPEECH EVER!! CERTAINLY ONE OF THE TOP FIVE IN THE NATION'S HISTORY!

In a little over 60 minutes before the U.S. Congress Tuesday night, Donald J. Trump rescued his Presidency from a descent into oblivion, thereby insuring not just four years of his extraordinary leadership but likely an additional four as well.

He handled multi-syllable words as if he knew what they meant. He avoided the "believe me's." He did not label his opponents with "lying," "crooked," or other nasty terms. His exaggerations and distortions were within the range of what previous Presidents had thrown at a Congressional audience. Many in the media were gushingly effusive in their commentary.

In short, he graduated from being just a narcissistic buffoon to being a Presidential narcissistic buffoon.

So most of Wednesday was a fine day for the Trumpster and his team as they envisioned the world turning in their direction. But then Comrade Sessions brought back reality, and the week ended with the Trumpster sulking off to his little hideaway in Mar-a-Lago and the companionship of his fellow one-percenters.

"NO ONE KNEW THAT HEALTHCARE COULD BE SO COMPLICATED"

Duh. Another example of the Trumpster's fantasy (fake) world. 

Just about any thinking individual who has had contact with the medical system knows that healthcare in these United States is one helluva complicated mess. Multiple bills, itemized to the last needle, many showing different amounts for what you owe versus the medical profession's opinion as to what you should owe, are all the evidence that most would need to realize the complexity of healthcare.

Add to that multiple providers and insurers, a less than ideal mix of public and private systems, greedy pharmaceutical companies, and you have complexity to the nth power.

Of course, the Trumpster, being a member of the one percent with numerous lawyers, accountants, and personal physicians standing between him and the realities faced by the 99 percent, can perhaps be forgiven for having thought that a snap of his small fingers would make everything right.  

5 WEEKS DOWN, 203 TO GO

President It's-All-About-Me started his fifth week with a campaign event for reelection in 2020. Talk about hubris. One of his talking points during the week was that the media was the enemy of the people. If you're uncertain what that type of language can lead to, Comrade, check out the rise of a fella named Stalin back in the first half of the last century.

Getting geared up for the next election did seem to calm the antsy Trumpster for a few days. He even made what is likely to be a very good selection: Lt. Gen. H.R. McMaster as National Security Adviser.

But then the proverbial excrement hit the proverbial fan. The Trumpster and his intellectually challenged inner circle became incensed about more revelations regarding their disturbingly close and private connections with the Ruskies. The revelations were the problem! Jail the leakers! Where is Ronald Reagan when we need him?

Before you get too carried away, Orange Head, weren't you at one time very much in favor of revealing government secrets, particularly ones in which you could find some benefit to the one person that really matters in your life, your own self?

Anyway, bottom line: it was another week of President It's-All-About-Me making life miserable for us ordinary citizens.

4 WEEKS DOWN, 204 TO GO

The highlight of week four of Donald J. Trump's Fake Presidency (thank you, Mika Brzezinski) was, of course, the press conference from the eighth dimension. After three weeks of semi-chaos topped by the departure of National Security Adviser Michael Flynn, the Trumpster decided to go on the attack.

And it must be said that he did what he does best: talk mostly nonsense but with such force and utter disregard for accuracy and truth that he emerged, in his own mind and in the view of most of his supporters, as the winning party. His strongest attribute may be that he is impervious to the "gotcha." He doesn't blink or pause, just keeps on expounding the nonsense.

An example involved his statement that he had achieved the biggest Electoral College victory since Reagan. A reporter pointed out to him the fact (not a fake fact but a real one) that Clinton, Obama, and Bush 41 all had greater majorities in the Electoral College. He dismissed the first two with "Well, I'm talking about Republicans" and the last with "I was given that information, I was just given it." And with hardly a pause, he was on to something else.

In short, he expounds his own fake reality, nothing is ever his fault, and he has an unequaled ability to steamroll "gotchas." 204 weeks to go.

MAR-A-LAGO WAITER PREVENTS NUCLEAR ARMAGEDDON

Unconfirmed reports suggest that a Mar-a-Lago waiter, an illegal immigrant, prevented Nuclear Armageddon Saturday evening.

President Trump was dining with Japanese Prime Minister Sinzo Abe in a Mar-a-Lago dining room. Many other members of the private club were also enjoying the benefits of their status as one percenters. During an early course of the meal, word was brought to the two national leaders that North Korea had just successfully tested a ballistic missile.

Pandemonium set in. President Trump got on his cell phone, which may or may not have been secure. Aides skittered about. Cell phone flashlights illuminated official-looking documents. Orders were apparently given, and the Stephen Twins, Bannon and Miller, rushed from the room, screaming, "Outta the way, we're gonna launch!"

But a multi-lingual waiter spooning out salad dressings had overheard the conversations and realized the Twins had misinterpreted some of the give and take among the two leaders, their translators, and the several dozen American and Japanese staff members. Someone had suggested that a "lunch time" needed to be scheduled for the next day. The Twins heard "launch time" and immediately rushed to implement.

The waiter sprinted after them, just barely getting to a door before they did. His statement that the Twins had misheard what was being said was summarily rejected, but help shortly arrived. Without admitting they were wrong, the Twins reluctantly backed away from their mission to initiate Nuclear Armageddon, exclaiming angrily, "There'll be another time."

For his effort, the illegal alien waiter was taken into custody and promptly deported. His slot at Mar-a-Lago was quickly filled by a gentleman of Slavic origin.

3 WEEKS DOWN, 205 TO GO

The Trumpster had a successful third week, success being measured by the amount of attention he was able to garner with his verbal eruptions and erratic behavior. Few were the citizens of these United States, including his hopefully dwindling band of supporters, who did not at some point in the week wonder, "What's with this guy?"

Well, what's with this guy is obvious. What's with this guy is first and foremost himself. He is happiest when he is the center of attention, sort of like a six-year old, the world's only 275-pound six-year old.

Activities this past week included bad-mouthing the judiciary, continued complaining about imaginary voter fraud, chaos among his so-called staff, forays into international relations, and defenses of Ivanka's product line.

But perhaps most intriguing was the hand-shaking. It seems that the Trumpster is a real aficionado of the exuberant hand-shake. A 19-second shake with several pats and caresses thrown in left the Japanese Prime Minister rolling his eyes with wonder, and relief that it was over. An effort by the Trumpster to pull his Supreme Court nominee close had the latter employing a stiff arm to keep some distance between himself and the orange-hair groper.

The Trumpster might want to ease back a bit on his overly physical interactions. Some guys could take it the wrong way.

PRESIDENTIAL WORDS OF INSPIRATION

Franklin D. Roosevelt: “This generation of Americans has a rendezvous with destiny.”

John F. Kennedy: “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.”

Ronald Reagan: “I believe that Americans in 1980 are every bit as committed to that vision of a shining ‘city on a hill,’ as were those long ago settlers.          ‘

George H.W. Bush: “Ours should be a nation characterized by conspicuous compassion, generosity that is overflowing and abundant.”

William Jefferson Clinton: “There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America.”

George W. Bush: “Like generations before us, we have a calling from beyond the stars to stand for freedom.”

Barack Obama: “There is not a liberal America and a conservative America ― there’s a United States of America.”

Donald Trump: “We got a lot of killers. What, you think our country is so innocent?”

NEW JOGGING HAT

2 WEEKS DOWN, 206 TO GO

The Trumpster has certainly kept us jumping in his first two weeks as President of these United States. So much so that things became very confusing very fast. For example, at one point some less astute observers thought he had declared war on Australia, one of our most reliable international friends.

Actually, what he had done was instruct the Pentagon to, in thirty days, come up with a plan to defeat Australia. Or maybe that was some other enemy, maybe Mexico, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Alex Baldwin, ISIS, CNN, the list of his adversaries is certainly not short.

And then there was the confusing occasion at a Black History Month affair when the Trumpster looked around the room to congratulate Fredrick Douglas on all he had accomplished. Unfortunately, Mr. Douglas was not in attendance, having passed away in 1895.

His not-quite travel ban on certain foreign nationals, and a few U.S. citizens, did go into effect rather seamlessly, at least for those not covered by it. The Stephen Twins, Bannon and Miller, deserve the lion's share of the credit for this far-sighted effort. Incidentally, Mr. Bannon has predicted war with China. That should be a blast. Expecting many good things from the Twins, especially with Mr. Bannon replacing the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs and other unnecessary toadies on the National Security Council.

So with just two weeks down, the Trumpster has grabbed the nation by its nether regions. Gives you sort of a tingle, doesn't it.

TRUMP TV: A DISAPPOINTMENT

The expected circus of announcing a Supreme Court nominee during prime time before a national TV audience did not materialize. The event lacked the histrionics we have come to expect from Donald John Trump. Hope he's not losing his touch so soon. There was no ranting and raving about unrelated matters, no ludicrous fabrications, just the introduction of a seemingly intelligent but far-right individual.

What was needed was some input from the Stephen twins, Bannon and Miller. Hope those boys haven't permanently ostracized themselves with the refugee ban fiasco.

TRUMP TV: WATCH OR ELSE

Doubt that your new President is first and foremost a performer? Well, when was the last time a President scheduled a prime time television appearance to announce a Supreme Court nominee? Such appearances are usually limited to occasions of national disaster, significant military operations, and the like.

An interesting thing will be how the TV networks respond. The mainly news ones--Fox and MSNBC--will most likely succumb to temptation, but how about CBS, ABC, and NBC? Will they interrupt their prime time schedules (8 pm, Tuesday, January 31, 2017) just because His Highness wants some air time?

Chances are very good that not only will a Supreme Court nominee be announced, but that much else will be discussed. Such as, Inauguration crowd size, voter fraud, the excellently orchestrated abrupt tightening of entrance by refugees and visa holders into these United States, the indisputable qualifications of a certain new addition to the National Security Council, and so on.

The only thing missing is an Executive Order requiring all Americans to watch or listen to the latest episode of Presidential Apprentice Tuesday evening. But such an order is likely just moments away.

DRAMA QUEEN PRESIDENT

Considerable commentary has focused on Donald Trump’s chaotic management style. Observers speculate and pontificate on how much of the behavior might be the product of a severely flawed individual, and how much might be surreptitiously purposeful. Is the President just plain nuts, or is he a managerial phenom with an extraordinary talent for achieving his goals?

Well, maybe the analysts are missing what is really at The Donald’s center. Maybe first and foremost he is a performer, a performer of the first magnitude who has attained the ultimate stage and is taking full advantage of the theatrical opportunity. That might explain why he has expended energy, and political capital, creating issues from such inconsequential matters as crowd sizes. Or why he insists against practically all evidence that millions of instances of voter fraud tainted the recent election. Or why he engages in twitter wars of such considerable magnitude.

For performers, avocation—what one loves to do—and profession—what one does for a living—often coincide, perhaps much more so than in other fields. In short, many performers truly love to perform. It satisfies inner needs. It confirms their existence. As for The Donald, he seems unable to resist any opportunity, no matter how inappropriate, to jump into his act. And if an opportunity is not available at the moment, he creates it. Saying he is merely a member of the drama queen club would not be doing him justice. He is the King Kong of drama queens.

But here’s the problem with a performer as President. We citizens become part of the show, whether we want to be or not. We are unable to leave the theater, unable to switch channels or turn off the TV, unable to avoid the spectacle. We are an integral component of the drama. The star does and says outlandish stuff, and our many and varied reactions are part of the entertainment.

We are the proverbial captive audience. And absent something extraordinary, the show has four years to run.

Perhaps commercials during the show could provide us with occasional respites. Wait, here comes one now: “The preceding episode about Donald and his Mexican Wall has been brought to you by Trump International Hotel. Make us your home when you visit the Nation’s Capital. And tune in tomorrow (yes, we’re on every day) when Donald determines that illegal Canadian immigrants are the source of the White House’s rodent infestation problem.”

Oh, well. Pass the popcorn.

AMERICAN CARNAGE

There he stood. Overweight. Orange Hair. Fleshy checks. Rambling and ranting. American Carnage personified.

He was the grumpy old uncle, come to Thanksgiving dinner. The country's going to hell. It needs to be beaten back into shape. It needs a really firm hand.

Only he's not leaving after dinner. He's staying four years.

EDICTS TO REPLACE PRESIDENTIAL ORDERS

Trumperian Spokesman Sean Spicer, one of a few Republican residents of Alexandria, Virginia, has said that the first order of business for the new President will be the repeal of many Presidential Orders issued by the departing President.

Other sources indicate that the new President will not be issuing Presidential Orders. Instead, he will be promulgating Edicts, as is the practice in the more authoritarian nations he is fond of.