GUNS TO THE RIGHT OF US. . .

 

Thanks in part to the NRA
The nation is facing an epidemic
Of mass shootings
But no cause for panic
 
Because the Founding Fathers wanted
The citizenry to possess
Enough firepower to put
Rebellion to rest
 
Only problem is
Goober citizens possessing
Today’s enormous firepower
Are rebels in waiting

MATT, WE’RE ROOTING FOR YA

 

Lotta troubling news these days
But fortunately we have Matt Gaetz
To keep us entertained
As he self-incinerates
 
And if we get tired of Matt
There’s always Jim Jordan
Marjorie Taylor Greene
Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley
Who together constitute

A true yuck machine

AFGHANISTAN

President Biden says
We’re outta Afghanistan
Enough with trying to bring peace
To this forlorn land
 
Bringing democracy and stability
To a culture not ready
Is a formidable task
With few successes in history

GAETZ UPDATE

 

Matt Gaetz’s buddy
Has apparently agreed to squeal
Matt might be in serious trouble
With little possibility for a deal
 
Unless he has something
On his mentor the Hoax
Wouldn’t that be great?
And a helluva joke

THE CONSTITUTION’S ABERRATION

 

The Second Amendment
Is the Constitution’s aberration
Adopted at a time
When today’s power of guns
Was beyond imagination
 

As guns have become

Weapons of massive destruction
The Amendment’s murky wording
Has stymied the nation
From enacting realistic measures
Of gun regulation

DUMB SOB

 

The Orange Hoax called Mitch
A dumb SOB
If that’s not the pot
Calling the kettle black
Then I’m a cicada in a tree

TOO SOON FOR HISTORIANS?

 

Too soon for historians
To judge the Hoax’s Presidency?
We shouldn’t wait too long
For a serious colonoscopy
 
Here’s a working hypothesis
He was the worst President in history
None of the preceding forty-four
Came close to his degree of incompetency

MATT ADDRESSES WOMEN

 

What’s the subject tonight?
Once more into the well
Rattling the Republicans’ crates
And ringing Matt Gaetz’s bell
 
Matt is speaking this evening
To a Women’s group in Florida
Under the auspices of the Hoax’s
Assault on law and order
 
Hope Matt checked at the door
The nude pictures of his many conquests
Or maybe he’ll ask the ladies with a wink
If they have any requests

MODERATE REPUBLICANS’ QUANDRY

 

Should moderate Republicans
Cut their ties
To the party that has morphed
Into a conglomeration of lies?
 
The Orange Hoax, Gaetz, Pompeo
Rudy, Ted Cruz, Steven Miller
Jim Jordan, Marjorie Taylor Greene
The Republican Party has become
Home for a really weird scene

GUNS

 

Guns to the right of us
Guns to the left of us
Guns in front of us
Into the valley of guns
He carried his 18th Century Blunderbuss
 
Which was one of the
Few types of guns that could be bought
Back in 1791 when the Second Amendment
Was a Bill of Rights afterthought

REPUBLICANS SINK TO THEIR ESSENCE

 

The Republican Party is sinking
To what is its essence
Which is opposition to anything
That makes sense

MATT, WE LOVE YA

 

Matt Gaetz is adamant
He’s guilty of nothing
He’s just an adult male
Looking for a little something
 
And he never paid for sex
Not ever never
Real men don’t have to
Women paying is better

THE THREE STOOGES

 

Matt Gaetz, Jim Jordan
Marjorie Taylor Greene
The future of the Republican Party
That’s really keen
 
They’re certainly not the deep swamp
That has paralyzed policy-making
They’re more like noxious weeds
That need occasional trimming

MLB CANCELS GEORGIA

 

Major League Baseball
Tells Georgia no All-Star celebration
Obama gives a cheer
The Hoax calls for an insurrection

JOHN BOEHNER SETS GOP STRAIGHT

 

In an upcoming memoir
Former House Speaker John Boehner
Lights into the Republican Party’s
Degeneration into media-mania
 
The party’s become the captive
Of right-wing media
Which pulls the strings and calls the shots
Setting the GOP’s political agenda

CONGRESSMAN GAETZ

 

Florida Congressman Gaetz
Is testing the norms of his institution
Showing pictures of his sexual conquests
To his fellow Representatives
Is frowned upon by the Constitution
(Isn’t it?)

THE CIRCLE

 

The circle at the end of the street
Has developed into more
Than just a place to meet
 
Plots are hatched there
Gossip is ubiquitous
Children play there
Hierarchy is ambiguous
 
Trees, bushes, or flowers
Benches, stumps, or chairs
Grass, dirt, or mulch
A lean-to, tent, or hutch
 
Disagreements about what’s desirable
Has many factions looking to win
There’s even an alumni association
Of former residents weighing in

JUST WHAT WE NEED

 

The Hoax reportedly has a webpage
But so do pornographers
Thus he’s in good company
Maybe they can become collaborators

THE FILIBUSTER

 
The filibuster
A great thing to have
If you’re in the minority
Not so much
If you’re in the majority
 
Or is it
The other way 'round?
Whatever the case
If has the potential for running
Democracy into the ground
 
Parliamentarian Mitch McConnell
Knows how it’s done
Playing with the rules has provided him
Years of really good fun

SUEZ CANAL INTERACTIVE

 

What’s with this boat
In the Suez Canal?
Did the helmsman (or helmswoman)
Spill their coffee
And bend down for a towel?
 
On the CNN website
Is an interactive canal steering tool
Give it a try and see
If you can maintain your cool

JUST PEACEFUL PEOPLE

 

The Orange Hoax says
It wasn’t a mob at all
Just peaceful people
Out having a ball
 
Hugging the police
Exchanging autographs
Planning get-togethers
For the aftermath

BUT I REALLY GOTTA GO

 

If a person anguished and fidgeting
Is in a Georgia voting line
Don’t offer them a urine bag
That would be a crime
 
Georgia has made it illegal
To give gifts to a voter

Waiting in a line to vote

Thus no gift urine bags
For a waiting urinator

JOE’S FIRST PRESSER

 

Joe’s first press conference
Was a letdown for the press
Joe made no major gaffes
And avoided any significant mess
Takes all the fun out of being a reporter
When the object of interrogation
Maintains a modicum of order

SIDNEY POWELL, LEGAL EAGLE

 

Sidney Powell, quite the legal eagle
In defense of a defamation charge
She said in effect
My guilt is very large
 
Yes, I defamed
The voting machine company
But it was for a good cause
keeping the Hoax in control of the country

THAT LEAKY SOUTHERN BORDER

 

Joe’s got himself a problem
Down at the border
With the Hoax gone
Latin Americans think
Why wait any longer?
 
Is there a solution to the problem?
If so it’s not readily apparent
maybe the budget deficits
Will eventually cause an economic crash
And have Americans streaming into Mexico
Looking for stray cash

THE TIMES THEY ARE A’CHANGING

 

“Cancel culture,” “woke” capital or whatever
What language is this mess?
The trend setters are moving too quickly
For us ol' folks to stay abreast

DEMOCRACY? NO LONGER DESIRABLE

 

Lincoln’s Grand Ol’ Party has declared war
On the concept of democracy
Many of today’s Republicans
Want a replacement
Good ol’ dictatorial autocracy

TRUMP'S PLANE

 

CNN reports
The Hoax’s old plane
Has become a junk-yard dog
Sorta like its master
An over-the-hill hog

KEVIN TIES HIMSELF IN KNOTS

 

Kevin McCarthy says he didn’t
Try to overthrow the election
Notwithstanding the attempts he supported
To overthrow the election
 
Kevin certainly is
Quite a piece of work
His lack of honesty
Has him close to being a jerk

RAND “BULLY” PAUL

 

Immunologist Anthony Fauci
And Senator Rand Paul
Got into a to-do
Rand emerged looking like
The bully chimpanzee in the zoo

FILIBUSTER THIS

 

Mitch is worried
Schumer is threatening
Mitch’s favorite weapon
Which is filibustering
 
According to Mitch
Ending the filibuster
Would result in a
Scorched earth Senate legislature
 
Which raises the question
Isn’t the Senate now
About as scorched earth as
An over-roasted cow?

ONE PERSON ONE VOTE?

 

One person one vote?
Not the Republican slogan
More likely one vote
Only if you’re a Republican
 
Moscow is possibly behind
The efforts by Republican legislators
To curtail voting
Through super-aggressive regulators
 
Speaking of Moscow
If the lawsuits get too numerous
The Hoax might leave Mar-a-Lago
For the more favorable environs
Of Putin’s home Moscow

TUCKER AND TED

 

Ted Cruz wants
To berate the Pentagon
For saying negative things
About poor Tucker Carlson
 
Neither Ted nor Tucker
Has served in the military
Unlike the Orange Hoax
Who was in the Bone Spur Company

WISCONSIN’S MISTAKE

 

Senator Ron Johnson
Didn’t fear the insurrectionists
Because they were very white
And politically far to the right
 
Where did Wisconsin
Find this dingbat?
He’s up for reelection in 2022
Maybe the voters will say, “Sorry ‘bout that”

HOLD DOWN THE VOTE

 

Hold down the vote
Is the Republicans’ aim
They don’t want you voting
Unless you’re playing their game
 
Which is tax cuts for the rich
Less benefits for the middle class and poor
Less government for everyone
And for immigrants a closed door

CUOMO IN TROUBLE

 

Andrew Cuomo's in trouble
On the political bubble
Yeah, he played word games
With attractive young things
But that doesn’t mean
He was trying to have flings

Senator Kirsten Gillibrand

Destroyer of Al Franken

Has entered the fray

When’s Cuomo’s last day?

BIDEN’S FIRST PRIME TIME

 

Who was this guy
Expressing so much empathy?
A guy who told the truth
And not some murky fantasy?
 
Actually treating the audience
Like intelligent thinking allies
And not a bunch of rubes
Craving enemies to brutalize

1968 or 2020?

Which year was worse
In American history
1968 or 2020?
 
In 1968
The Communist’s Tet Offensive endeavor
Highlighted the futility
Of the Vietnam adventure
Martin Luther King and Robert Kennedy
Were victims of assassination
Riots occurred throughout the nation
The Chicago Democratic Convention
Was a chaotic absurdity
Tricky Dick Nixon
Captured the Presidency
 
In 2020
A pandemic ravaged the land
American deaths were multiple times
Those in Vietnam
The Odious Orange Outrage
Polarized the population
And set the stage
For an attempted insurrection

GOP SINKS FROM SIGHT

 

What are Republicans
Doing these days?
They’ve been kinda quiet
Maybe their eyes are still glazed
 
From the conflagration in the wake
Of the Odious Orange Outrage
As he tried to keep
From leaving the stage

MEGHAN AND HARRY

 

Is this British thing
Of worshipping a no-power monarchy
An affront to democracy
Or just a bunch of malarky?
 
Maybe it’s something like
Our QAnon fetish
We pretend it’s absurd
But the conspiracies we certainly relish

COCKROACHES

 

The State Department staffer
Who took part in the Capitol assault
Says his cell has cockroaches
The judge said sorry ‘bout that
The judge got no heart

REPUBLICANS OPPOSE TO DEMOCRACY

 

Republicans want to make it
More difficult to vote
Instead of fighting that battle
Dems should go for the throat
 
Whatever the requirements
Focus on getting out the vote
Concentrate on moving voters to the polls
Provide bikes, organize caravans, rent trains
Get every Richard, Susan, Betty
On the voting rolls

NO MARCH 4 INAUGURAL

 

Well, no March 4 inaugural
QAnon has let us down
Could it actually be
That the outfit is just a clown?

RIOTERS COMMUNICATING WITH CONGRESS?

 

CNN reports
Some members of Congress
May have been communicating with rioters
As the latter charged the Capitol
Maybe confirming targets with insiders?

SOCIAL MEDIA MADNESS

 

QAnon says March 4
Will be the Hoax’s resurrection day
He will reappear at the White House
And he will come to stay
 
Being threatened by whackos
Living an online fantasy
Is that where social media
Is leading our history?

FABRICATION VACCINE NEEDED

 

A vaccine is needed
To control the fabrication disease
Running rampant through
The Republican House of Sleaze
 
As for the source of the pandemic
One suspect certainly is
The Odious Orange Outrage
Dropping falsehoods right and left
As he waddles across the stage

THOSE COWARDLY JUSTICES

 

In his tirade at CPAC
The Orange Hoax attacked the Supreme Court
Suggesting the Justices were cowards
For not protecting his Presidential fort
 
Yes, it must be
In the Constitution somewhere
That the Supreme Court should
Kowtow to the Orange Bear

SAME OL' HOAX

 

He’s back in the groove
The same ol’ groove
A victim of many injustices
None of which
He attempted to prove
 
The lowest common denominator
Cheered him ecstatically
Most thinking citizens
Turned from Fox quickly

THE GOLDEN HOAX

 

CPAC has rolled in
A six-foot sculpture of gold
The subject is the Golden Hoax
The purpose is to worship him
So he won’t crawl back in his hole

CPAC = QANON?

 

The attendees of CPAC
Are definitely the Hoax’s party
In fact many of them
Are seriously QAnon hardy
 
How many political parties
Will be contesting the 2024 election?
The number of just two would seem
A very optimistic prediction

MITCH IS MAKING US DIZZY

 

Mitch says he’ll support
The Odious Orange Outrage
If the Outrage is the Republican candidate
On the 2024 stage
 
For an old codger
Mitch is certainly in control
Fake left, fake right
Then drive to the hole

REPUBLICAN PARTY MORPHS RIGHT

 

The Republican Party is morphing into
It’s radical far-right fringe
The party is becoming
Seriously severely unhinged

THANKS WISCONSIN

 

Wisconsin has given us
A real dingbat
Senator Ron Johnson
Far too much ear fat
 
Nancy Pelosi responsible
For storming the Capitol?
Yeah, that makes sense
She wanted her office cleaned
So she called in the rabble

VOTER SUPPRESSION

 

CPAC’s upcoming meeting
Will spend time on voter suppression
After all, how can conservatives retain power
If they don’t curtail voter participation?

EMERGING FROM HIBERNATION

 

The Hoax will emerge from hibernation
At the CPAC gaggle next Sunday
Wonder how many times he’ll mention
That he is the victim of a stolen election

LINDSEY, HOW’S IT GOING?

 

So how’s the Mar-a-Lago
Pilgrimage going, Lindsey?
You getting the Hoax in line?
You getting him straightened out?
Or is he messing with your mind?
 
You don’t have a good history
Of dealing with the Orange Outrage
One day you’re with him
The next day on a different page

LINDSEY MAKES PILGRIMAGE

 

Lindsey Graham makes a pilgrimage
To Mar-a-Lago
To try restraining the Orange Hoax
From being a complete Ahole
 
Good luck with that, Lindsey
And while you’re at it
Why don’t you stop pirouetting
Like a complete twit

TED GOES TO CANCUN

 

A blizzard hit Texas
Power out, hyperthermia
Senator Cruz took action
As the citizens are suffering
He headed to Cancun for vacation

OUT OF HIBERNATION

 

The Odious Orange Outrage
Is coming out of hibernation
Has he got any chance at all
Of repairing his reputation
So that more than just
The lowest common denominator
Pay him any attention?

ORANGE HOAX ATTACKS MITCH

 

In a viscous personal tirade
The Orange Hoax unloaded on Mitch
In response to Mitch’s unloading
On the Orange Witch
 
Thus the fight for the soul
Of the GOP steps up a notch
This could go on for months
This kicking each other in the crotch

PRESIDENTS DAY

 

The nation has had winners
And losers
And sinners
And boozers
 
And then there’s the Orange Hoax
Evidence that the Almighty
Is capable of nasty jokes

GOP NEEDS NEW NAME

 

Repuglycans, Trumplicans
Time to rename the Republican Party
Certainly it’s no longer the party of Lincoln
It has acquired far too much moral depravity
 
Honorable Conservatism has largely been squelched
What’s left are spineless politicians
Increasingly cowering before a radical base
Whose members perceive themselves as victims

With a shoutout to CC

McCONNELL ROASTS TRUMP

 

Mitch demolished the Orange Hoax
Verbally destroying him
Ran him up a tree
And sawed off his limb
 
But, you asked
He voted to acquit
If he felt so strongly
Why didn’t he find guilt?
 
Good question, and his answers were
Unsatisfactory at best
He just rambled on and on
On a technicality quest
 
The important question is
Will other Republicans come forward
With repudiations of the Hoax
Or will they cower in the corner
Deflecting inquiries with jokes?

HOW IS HE NOT GUILTY?

 

The evidence is
The Orange Hoax incited an insurrection
Against one of the three co-equal branches
Of the Federal Government organization
 
And then he refused
Over a period of hours
To send help to the Capitol
To exercise his Presidential powers

DEMS MAKE CASE

 

The Dems have made their case
But compelling as it is
It’s probably not enough
The Republicans need only say
“Acquit, or the base
Will crush your stuff”

AN AMERICAN NADIR

The violence in America’s core
Is what the Orange Hoax found
Armed with social media
He sought to take the nation down
 
He sent a mob to the Capitol
To overturn an election
Simply because he
Cannot stand rejection

HELLUVA LEGAL TEAM

 

Helluva legal team
The Orange Hoax has got
They’re on top
Cream of the crop
Hot to trot
Giving their best shot
 
But it’s all unnecessary
Because most Republican Senators
Wouldn’t convict the Orange Outrage
If he personally shot people
In broad daylight
On a public stage

FIGHT LIKE HELL

 

According to the Hoax’s defense
“Fight Like Hell” was protected speech
Just because some loons
Took him literally
Does not mean he
Has any responsibility

TALKING TRASH

 

Super Bowl Sunday
Who’s playing, you ask?
All I know is
The Hoax and Marjorie
Are talking lotta trash
 
The Hoax’s big week
Is about to start
Maybe Marjorie will help out
After all she seems pretty smart

ONCE AGAIN

 

Once again (and for the first time
In American history) the Orange Hoax has
An impeachment tryst
Fortunately for him
Enough Trumplicans exist
To likely ensure
He avoids the guilty fist

TRUMP’S PARTY

 

When asked whose party it was
Marjorie said emphatically, “Trump’s”
So there it is Republicans
Better get to Mar-a-Lago
And take your lumps

POOR MARJORIE

 

The Dems weren’t buying
Marjorie’s explanation
They view her
As a Congressional aberration
 
Republicans weren’t anxious
To aggravate their base
So they forced the Dems
To set the pace

MARJORIE AND KEVIN

 

Marjorie and Kevin
Had a meeting
Marjorie emerged with a sly grin
Kevin was on the floor
A bloody bruise on his chin

DOES EVERYONE NEED STIMULUS?

 

The Biden Administration
Is considering legislation
That would widely disburse money
Which is nice
But those not in need
Really shouldn’t get any
 
Fiscal responsibility
Has rarely been
A Democratic foundation
This could be a moment
For the party to reject
The urge to provide unnecessary gratification

HAVE A SPARE BACKBONE?

 

Backbone deficient Kevin McCarthy
What’s he gonna do?
The Marjorie Taylor Greene thing
Is becoming quite a stew
Kevin might have to make a tough decision
Something he tries to eschew