"NO ONE KNEW THAT HEALTHCARE COULD BE SO COMPLICATED"

Duh. Another example of the Trumpster's fantasy (fake) world. 

Just about any thinking individual who has had contact with the medical system knows that healthcare in these United States is one helluva complicated mess. Multiple bills, itemized to the last needle, many showing different amounts for what you owe versus the medical profession's opinion as to what you should owe, are all the evidence that most would need to realize the complexity of healthcare.

Add to that multiple providers and insurers, a less than ideal mix of public and private systems, greedy pharmaceutical companies, and you have complexity to the nth power.

Of course, the Trumpster, being a member of the one percent with numerous lawyers, accountants, and personal physicians standing between him and the realities faced by the 99 percent, can perhaps be forgiven for having thought that a snap of his small fingers would make everything right.  

5 WEEKS DOWN, 203 TO GO

President It's-All-About-Me started his fifth week with a campaign event for reelection in 2020. Talk about hubris. One of his talking points during the week was that the media was the enemy of the people. If you're uncertain what that type of language can lead to, Comrade, check out the rise of a fella named Stalin back in the first half of the last century.

Getting geared up for the next election did seem to calm the antsy Trumpster for a few days. He even made what is likely to be a very good selection: Lt. Gen. H.R. McMaster as National Security Adviser.

But then the proverbial excrement hit the proverbial fan. The Trumpster and his intellectually challenged inner circle became incensed about more revelations regarding their disturbingly close and private connections with the Ruskies. The revelations were the problem! Jail the leakers! Where is Ronald Reagan when we need him?

Before you get too carried away, Orange Head, weren't you at one time very much in favor of revealing government secrets, particularly ones in which you could find some benefit to the one person that really matters in your life, your own self?

Anyway, bottom line: it was another week of President It's-All-About-Me making life miserable for us ordinary citizens.

4 WEEKS DOWN, 204 TO GO

The highlight of week four of Donald J. Trump's Fake Presidency (thank you, Mika Brzezinski) was, of course, the press conference from the eighth dimension. After three weeks of semi-chaos topped by the departure of National Security Adviser Michael Flynn, the Trumpster decided to go on the attack.

And it must be said that he did what he does best: talk mostly nonsense but with such force and utter disregard for accuracy and truth that he emerged, in his own mind and in the view of most of his supporters, as the winning party. His strongest attribute may be that he is impervious to the "gotcha." He doesn't blink or pause, just keeps on expounding the nonsense.

An example involved his statement that he had achieved the biggest Electoral College victory since Reagan. A reporter pointed out to him the fact (not a fake fact but a real one) that Clinton, Obama, and Bush 41 all had greater majorities in the Electoral College. He dismissed the first two with "Well, I'm talking about Republicans" and the last with "I was given that information, I was just given it." And with hardly a pause, he was on to something else.

In short, he expounds his own fake reality, nothing is ever his fault, and he has an unequaled ability to steamroll "gotchas." 204 weeks to go.

MAR-A-LAGO WAITER PREVENTS NUCLEAR ARMAGEDDON

Unconfirmed reports suggest that a Mar-a-Lago waiter, an illegal immigrant, prevented Nuclear Armageddon Saturday evening.

President Trump was dining with Japanese Prime Minister Sinzo Abe in a Mar-a-Lago dining room. Many other members of the private club were also enjoying the benefits of their status as one percenters. During an early course of the meal, word was brought to the two national leaders that North Korea had just successfully tested a ballistic missile.

Pandemonium set in. President Trump got on his cell phone, which may or may not have been secure. Aides skittered about. Cell phone flashlights illuminated official-looking documents. Orders were apparently given, and the Stephen Twins, Bannon and Miller, rushed from the room, screaming, "Outta the way, we're gonna launch!"

But a multi-lingual waiter spooning out salad dressings had overheard the conversations and realized the Twins had misinterpreted some of the give and take among the two leaders, their translators, and the several dozen American and Japanese staff members. Someone had suggested that a "lunch time" needed to be scheduled for the next day. The Twins heard "launch time" and immediately rushed to implement.

The waiter sprinted after them, just barely getting to a door before they did. His statement that the Twins had misheard what was being said was summarily rejected, but help shortly arrived. Without admitting they were wrong, the Twins reluctantly backed away from their mission to initiate Nuclear Armageddon, exclaiming angrily, "There'll be another time."

For his effort, the illegal alien waiter was taken into custody and promptly deported. His slot at Mar-a-Lago was quickly filled by a gentleman of Slavic origin.

3 WEEKS DOWN, 205 TO GO

The Trumpster had a successful third week, success being measured by the amount of attention he was able to garner with his verbal eruptions and erratic behavior. Few were the citizens of these United States, including his hopefully dwindling band of supporters, who did not at some point in the week wonder, "What's with this guy?"

Well, what's with this guy is obvious. What's with this guy is first and foremost himself. He is happiest when he is the center of attention, sort of like a six-year old, the world's only 275-pound six-year old.

Activities this past week included bad-mouthing the judiciary, continued complaining about imaginary voter fraud, chaos among his so-called staff, forays into international relations, and defenses of Ivanka's product line.

But perhaps most intriguing was the hand-shaking. It seems that the Trumpster is a real aficionado of the exuberant hand-shake. A 19-second shake with several pats and caresses thrown in left the Japanese Prime Minister rolling his eyes with wonder, and relief that it was over. An effort by the Trumpster to pull his Supreme Court nominee close had the latter employing a stiff arm to keep some distance between himself and the orange-hair groper.

The Trumpster might want to ease back a bit on his overly physical interactions. Some guys could take it the wrong way.

PRESIDENTIAL WORDS OF INSPIRATION

Franklin D. Roosevelt: “This generation of Americans has a rendezvous with destiny.”

John F. Kennedy: “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.”

Ronald Reagan: “I believe that Americans in 1980 are every bit as committed to that vision of a shining ‘city on a hill,’ as were those long ago settlers.          ‘

George H.W. Bush: “Ours should be a nation characterized by conspicuous compassion, generosity that is overflowing and abundant.”

William Jefferson Clinton: “There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America.”

George W. Bush: “Like generations before us, we have a calling from beyond the stars to stand for freedom.”

Barack Obama: “There is not a liberal America and a conservative America ― there’s a United States of America.”

Donald Trump: “We got a lot of killers. What, you think our country is so innocent?”

NEW JOGGING HAT

2 WEEKS DOWN, 206 TO GO

The Trumpster has certainly kept us jumping in his first two weeks as President of these United States. So much so that things became very confusing very fast. For example, at one point some less astute observers thought he had declared war on Australia, one of our most reliable international friends.

Actually, what he had done was instruct the Pentagon to, in thirty days, come up with a plan to defeat Australia. Or maybe that was some other enemy, maybe Mexico, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Alex Baldwin, ISIS, CNN, the list of his adversaries is certainly not short.

And then there was the confusing occasion at a Black History Month affair when the Trumpster looked around the room to congratulate Fredrick Douglas on all he had accomplished. Unfortunately, Mr. Douglas was not in attendance, having passed away in 1895.

His not-quite travel ban on certain foreign nationals, and a few U.S. citizens, did go into effect rather seamlessly, at least for those not covered by it. The Stephen Twins, Bannon and Miller, deserve the lion's share of the credit for this far-sighted effort. Incidentally, Mr. Bannon has predicted war with China. That should be a blast. Expecting many good things from the Twins, especially with Mr. Bannon replacing the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs and other unnecessary toadies on the National Security Council.

So with just two weeks down, the Trumpster has grabbed the nation by its nether regions. Gives you sort of a tingle, doesn't it.