THE GLORIOUS REPUBLICAN OATH CRUSADE

Where is Major – de Coverley when we need him?

A little rusty on your Catch-22? Major – de Coverley (yes, there was no first name, only a dash) was a minor character in Joseph Heller’s 1961 classic comedic, some would say subversive, novel set in a U.S. Army Air Corps unit in the Mediterranean during World War II. An imposing figure, with an eye patch, the Major’s reaction to a particular situation might be just the sort of thing needed to extract today’s Republican Party from a sticky mess it has gotten itself into.

What Major – de Coverley did was to bring an abrupt end to the Glorious Loyalty Oath Crusade. The Crusade was the brainchild of Captain Black, a rear echelon intelligence officer who fancied greater things for himself and was constantly plotting to achieve those things. After his failure to become the squadron commander—the job went to Major Major—Captain Black was upset in the extreme. He decided that Major Major was a Communist and announced to his fellow rear echelon officers: “They’re taking over everything. . . .I’m going to do something about it. From now on I’m going to make every son of a bitch who comes to my intelligence tent sign a loyalty oath.”

So the Glorious Loyalty Oath Crusade was born. It became an immediate success. The plane crews had to sign loyalty oaths to get their map cases, more oaths to get their gear, including flak suits, and still more oaths for transportation to the airfield. An unofficial competition sprang up among the rear echelon administrators as each sought to outdo the others in requiring loyalty oaths. Requirements for the pledge of allegiance and the singing of The Star-Spangled Banner soon appeared.

Major – de Coverley had been away from the unit when the Oath Crusade began. Shortly after returning, he attempted to enter the mess hall. A loyalty oath was thrust at him to sign. He looked at it. He looked at a group pledging allegiance before sitting and another group singing The Star-Spangled Banner before using the salt, pepper, and ketchup.

With “fiery disdain” and “mountainous wrath,” Major – de Coverley swept the oath away. Harshly and loudly he thundered, “Gimme eat.” Looking around the room at the various groups at one stage or another in the oath taking process, he added with a roar, “Give everybody eat.” And so the Glorious Loyalty Oath Crusade came to an end.

Captain Black remind you of anyone? Yes, Grover Norquist. Mr. Norquist’s no tax pledge has not only become almost a requirement for success in today’s Grand Old Party but has also spawned pledges and oaths on other matters, abortion for example. As many observers have suggested, should not the oath to support the Constitution that every office holder takes be all the oath-taking that is necessary?

Yes, what today’s Republican Party needs is a Major – de Coverley, someone who, when Mr. Norquist thrusts a no-tax pledge at him or her, sweeps it away and thunders, “Gimme eat. Give everybody eat.”