NAME CALLING IN POLITICS

A few days ago, Republican Vice-Presidential candidate Mike Pence stated, "I don’t think name-calling has any place in public life." In a perfect world, Mike is certainly correct. But if Mike were to check with his running mate, he would discover that this is not a perfect world.

So what is the role of name-calling in an imperfect political system, particularly when the name-calling practitioner is quite adept at it, indeed when it is one of the practitioner's foremost weapons?

Completely ignoring the name-calling is a dangerous option for the name-caller's opponent, particularly if the opponent has some likability problems of her or his own; and if a goodly proportion of the electorate seems intellectually comfortable with name-calling as an element of political discourse.

So name-calling is ignored at the target candidate's peril. Perhaps the best response is a two-pronged one. Have the target candidate stick mostly to the high road. But let loose a name-calling swat team that can match insult with greater insult, derogatory jab with really derogatory jab, nastiness with "so's your motha."

With that in mind, Mike Pence, would you please inform your running mate that he is, among other things, a world class loon, a prevaricator of the first order, and a pudgy boy tough guy? And oh yes, that he has tiny hands. 

  

FOUR YEARS OF THIS?

Yes, many of you goobers out there support The Donald because you want to stick it to the establishment. And no matter where you are on the political spectrum, dislike of the establishment is understandable, even if you're part of it.

But before you mark your ballot in November for one of the most obnoxious buffoons to ever come down the pike, ask yourself this question: Can I put up with this clownish conduct for the next four years?

Forget the lack of policy knowledge, the business career based on deceit, untruths, and bankruptcy, the barely-concealed appeals to bigotry. Just focus on having to listen for four years to the incessant bragging, the name calling, the absurd statements, and on having to watch those weird gestures with those tiny hands when he speaks.

What's with that little circle with the under-size thumb and index finger anyway? Yes, other people use that same gesture. But few are as wedded to it as The Donald is. How many times will you be able to endure the spectacle of those wild gyrations before becoming obsessed and then stark raving mad?

So, yeah, your desire to stick it to the establishment is understandable. But is it worth the risk of becoming a blithering idiot from having The Donald in your face for four long years?    

AT LAST, A CONSPIRACY THEORY THAT MAKES SENSE

Conspiracy theories have been part of the political landscape since, well, there's been a political landscape. Most conspiracy theories are given little credence by sane individuals. Adherents of your run-of-the mill conspiracy theory are generally of the wild-eyed fanatic persuasion, grasping at the extremely unlikely as a substitute for rational thought.

Notable conspiracy theories in recent history include the alleged second shooter on the grassy knoll in the JFK assassination, Barack Obama's forged Hawaiian birth certificate, and the Clinton's "removal" of Vince Foster. Recently, Cranky even came across an elderly and quite loony lady who believed the Watergate break-in never occurred, the reason being that no self-respecting break-in professional would tape a door open by applying the tape horizontally. "Everyone" knows that break-in tape is applied vertically.

But at last we have a believable conspiracy theory. The hacking of Democratic party emails was done on Vladimir Putin's orders, and the emails publicly released on the eve of the Democratic convention to support his friend and preferred candidate for President of the United States, one Donald J. Trump.

Now that's a believable conspiracy theory.
    

POKEMON-GO, THE DONALD, & NEGATIVE INTEREST RATES

WHAT ARE POKEMON-GO, THE DONALD, AND NEGATIVE INTEREST RATES?

1. THINGS ONLY GLASSY-EYED FANATICS UNDERSTAND.

2. PROOF THAT HUMANS HAVE STOPPED EVOLVING ARE IN FACT REGRESSING.

3. EVIDENCE THAT THE MACHINES ARE ALMOST IN CHARGE.

4. EVIDENCE THAT THE FREE MARKET IS NOT INFALLIBLE. 

4. VIOLATIONS OF THE FIRST AND FOURTH AMENDMENTS, AND LIKELY A FEW OTHERS.

5. REASONS FOR OLDSTERS TO WELCOME THEIR APPROACHING EXPIRATION DATES.