NANNIES AGAIN

Wow! The cranky old guy didn’t realize that nannies were such a hot, er, touchy, er, compelling subject.

Let’s be clear. Cranky is not against nannies. And he does not mean to imply that having an attractive young foreign woman in a household is necessarily a source of tension and stress. Although to be perfectly honest, it certainly can be. No, the cranky old guy is mainly an interested observer of the nanny culture that has grown up in many localities, including his own. Nannies were once limited to the households of the elite super rich. No longer. In a middle class community such as the cranky old guy’s, nannies are now as common as cats (and not nearly as annoying).

The issues raised by the nanny culture constitute a sizeable proportion of the comments and queries on the website of the cranky old guy’s neighborhood. How do I find a nanny? What do I pay a nanny? What should the nanny call me? How do I discipline a nanny? Is a nanny my partner in raising my children, or my employee? What if my children don’t like the nanny? What if my children are little hellions who need a drill sergeant rather than a nanny? (No one ever asks this question directly, but Cranky can read between the lines.) What if my children get too attached to the nanny? What if my husband gets too attached to the nanny? Okay, the cranky old guy’s mind is wandering again.

A major topic concerns part-time nannies. “I need a nanny between 1 and 4 on Tuesdays, 3 and 6 on Thursdays, and for any hour Friday morning. Can anyone help me?” Or “Anyone need a nanny Wednesday afternoons? Our nanny has Wednesday afternoons off and would like to work during that time.” Or, “Need a nanny for two adorable children [yeah, right] and a dog on alternate Thursdays, except in November.”

Of course, nannies also have their side of the story. The cranky old guy has been doing some research into this (No, not in the way your dirty little mind is thinking). Some families apparently think nannying is a 24/7 job. Time off? Not from our household, Sweetie. Our jobs require emailing, cell-phoning, and Blackberrying around the clock, so don’t even think of time off.

Many nannies are found through agencies, and in theory the agencies have hotlines that a nanny can turn to if she is having problems with her family. But to the nannies, the hotlines appear to be manned only on the second Monday of every week. Not getting along with your family? Required to work on weekends? Being followed around by ol’ lecherous eyes? Forget about getting any help through the hotline.

Finally, the cranky old guy himself is in the market for a part-time nanny. He is a member of a neighborhood group of cranky old guys who play poker once a month. We need someone to serve drinks, stack chips, and other stuff. And no, a spouse would not be an acceptable substitute.