"MY GOODNESS!"

The Secretary of Defense interrogates himself:

“Have mistakes been made in Iraq?”
“Gee wiz, certainly. Mistakes are inevitable in everything.”

“Did things go according to plan?”
“Golly, no. Everyone knows that the plan goes out the window when the shooting starts.”

“Were more troops needed?”
“Gee willikers, I gave the generals what they asked for.”

“But weren’t the generals intimidated by me?”
“Golly gee, how could anyone be intimidated by such a nice guy?”

“Shouldn’t we have foreseen the breakdown of law and order?”
“Holy moly, you can’t foresee everything.”

“Why have the optimistic predictions not come to pass?”
“Gol darn, I never made such predictions.”

“But didn’t someone say this would be an easy war?”
“Stacey wacey, it certainly wasn’t me.”

“Did I approve torturing detainees?”
“Lucy wucy, certainly not.”

“But didn’t I imply that the normal rules didn’t apply?”
“Hunky dory, I only said that I stood at my desk all day.”

“Did the President ask me whether or not we should go to war?”
“Foosy woosy, no.”

“Did I advise the President on whether we should go to war?”
“Lacey dacey, he didn’t ask.”

“Am I the best Secretary of Defense ever?”
“Tory dory, probably not.”

“But am I in the top two or three?”
“Funky wunky, quite possibly.”

DSH