The Fourth of July is upon us, so the Cranky Old Guy will give you the benefit of his view on the proposed Constitutional amendment to prohibit flag burning and other forms of flag desecration. Cranky’s view is simple: he thinks the proposal is ludicrous. The Constitution of the United States expresses fundamental principles. A flag burning amendment would trivialize it.
But that is the logical, rational argument. Now let’s go to a gut argument. The Cranky Old Guy doesn’t like the flag burning amendment because he is an American, and like most Americans he doesn’t like to be told what to do. You see, this is a nation that was born in rebellion. It’s in our genes. We don’t like authority.
Oh, we get told plenty what to do. And we usually do it. A long, long time ago, Cranky was in the Army. The Army told him what to do, and he did it. Cranky has had many jobs through the years. Many jobs means many bosses. Bosses told Cranky what to do, and he did it. Governments tell Cranky to pay taxes, to stop at stop signs, to do a thousand other things. For the most part, Cranky does them, as do most of his fellow citizens.
The reason Cranky and most of his fellow citizens do most of the things they are told is that a sensible reason usually exists to do those things. But what is the sensible reason not to desecrate a piece of cloth? That desecration would offend some people? Hey, if mere offensive conduct is grounds for legal prohibitions, Cranky has a whole list, starting with public use of cell phones and extending all the way to just being a general jerk.
Cranky is as patriotic as the next guy. He’s done his military service. He doesn’t like the wising off that use to take place, before 9/11, during the playing of the National Anthem. He gets a lump in his throat at Memorial Day concerts.
But this idea that he has to be commanded by the Constitution to treat the flag of his country a certain way is touching a raw nerve. Someone wants to require Cranky to do something, and there’s no sensible reason for the requirement. Deep within Cranky, a little spark of rebellion is beginning to smolder.
You see, Cranky is an American, and Americans don’t like to be told what to do.
DSH
Friday, June 30, 2006
Monday, June 05, 2006
BIRD FLU
So when is this bird flu gonna happen? Governments, the media, and elements of the medical community have had us in a semi-panic for more than a year now. But the pandemic, as it is currently being called, keeps refusing to materialize.
The cranky old guy has come to this conclusion: it ain’t gonna happen, at least in the form and manner of the predictions. After a lifetime of surprises and dashed expectations, the cranky old guy has arrived at this truism: things you expect to happen, don’t; and things you don’t expect to happen, do.
What purpose bird flu is serving is to provide fodder for slow news days. No bombings in Iraq today? No young blonde white girls gone missing? No member of the Bush Administration putting his or her foot in his or her mouth? No member of Congress caught in a scandal? No hurricane bearing down? No earthquake or tsunami devastating Indonesia? No update on the shrinking Antarctic ice cap? West Nile virus no longer interesting? No new whack job third world country about to get the bomb? Then let’s go to bird flu. Nothing to report, actually, just that it is on its way and when it arrives, civilization as we know it will be over. Come to think of it, that might not be such a bad result after all.
And what is the relationship between bird flu and mad cow disease? Is this the revenge of the food chain? The next thing you know, broccoli will be attacking Philadelphia.
In a recent report, the Bush Administration—the folks who brought you the Katrina response, who are monitoring your phone conversations, and who are doing such a great job bringing democracy to the Middle East—put forth some bird flu rules. When it happens, employers are to keep employees at least three feet apart. Now really, who gets within three feet of a co-worker anyway? Unless, of course, . . . oh well, you know.
No, the cranky old guy thinks bird flu is not in our future. But don’t feel deprived. You can be sure something nasty is looming just over the horizon. How about a blight that will destroy coffee crops worldwide? Imagine mornings without a Starbucks fix.
DSH
The cranky old guy has come to this conclusion: it ain’t gonna happen, at least in the form and manner of the predictions. After a lifetime of surprises and dashed expectations, the cranky old guy has arrived at this truism: things you expect to happen, don’t; and things you don’t expect to happen, do.
What purpose bird flu is serving is to provide fodder for slow news days. No bombings in Iraq today? No young blonde white girls gone missing? No member of the Bush Administration putting his or her foot in his or her mouth? No member of Congress caught in a scandal? No hurricane bearing down? No earthquake or tsunami devastating Indonesia? No update on the shrinking Antarctic ice cap? West Nile virus no longer interesting? No new whack job third world country about to get the bomb? Then let’s go to bird flu. Nothing to report, actually, just that it is on its way and when it arrives, civilization as we know it will be over. Come to think of it, that might not be such a bad result after all.
And what is the relationship between bird flu and mad cow disease? Is this the revenge of the food chain? The next thing you know, broccoli will be attacking Philadelphia.
In a recent report, the Bush Administration—the folks who brought you the Katrina response, who are monitoring your phone conversations, and who are doing such a great job bringing democracy to the Middle East—put forth some bird flu rules. When it happens, employers are to keep employees at least three feet apart. Now really, who gets within three feet of a co-worker anyway? Unless, of course, . . . oh well, you know.
No, the cranky old guy thinks bird flu is not in our future. But don’t feel deprived. You can be sure something nasty is looming just over the horizon. How about a blight that will destroy coffee crops worldwide? Imagine mornings without a Starbucks fix.
DSH
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