THE QUEST

Every so often, the cranky old guy feels the need to undertake a quest. The latest quest is to travel by kayak from Northern Virginia to North Carolina’s Outer Banks, a distance of 300 some miles. Several motivations are behind this quest.

First, the cranky old guy is tired of fighting the traffic to get to the Outer Banks. I-95 south, I-64 east, Rt. 158 south, over the Currituck Sound bridge: the possibilities for backups and delays are infinite, particularly with all the other idiots on the highways. There’s got to be a better way.

Second, the cranky old guy wants to test the emergency evacuation plan put forth several years ago by occasional Washington Post columnist (and Ben Bradlee’s wife) Sally Quinn. The evacuation difficulties the folks of New Orleans experienced with Hurricane Katrina have focused attention on similar problems that other metropolitan areas might encounter. Regarding the Washington area, Ms. Quinn has recommended kayaks as a means for the populace to get quickly to safety. A terrorist attack? Hop in your kayak and head for. . . , well, that’s what the cranky old guy wanted to investigate. Ms. Quinn’s proposal was a little unclear on that point.

Third, why not?

The water route from Northern Virginia to the Outer Banks is down the Potomac River to the Chesapeake Bay, down the Bay to Hampton Roads, across Hampton Roads, up the Elizabeth River, and finally through canals of the Intercoastal Waterway to Currituck, Albemarle, and Pamlico Sounds. Piece of cake.

This will not be an all-at-once trip. Initially, the plan is day hops: the cranky old guy’s spouse/chauffeur will transport the cranky old guy to a starting point by car, drop him and his kayak off, and retrieve him, hopefully, later in the day further along the route. Thus the trip will be underway for some time, possibly even years as enthusiasm waxes and wanes. On the other hand, the quest won’t ever be a failure, at least until the cranky old guy croaks, because the next hop will always be scheduled.

The first two hops have already been completed. Hop 1 was an 18-mile, 7-hour, trip from Belle Haven in Alexandria to Leesylvania State Park. Hop 2 was a 13-mile, 5 ½-hour, trip from Leesylvania to Aquia Landing in Stafford County.

From these first hops, the cranky old guy has learned several things. Sitting in a kayak for longer than about two hours is extremely uncomfortable. If ever captured by the enemy, the cranky old guy will blab like a baby if threatened with hours in the kayak position.

Second, moving slowly on a large open body of water can be the epitome of boredom. The scenery changes are barely perceptible. The immediate landmark one is paddling for just doesn’t seem to get any closer. And the feeling of progress in general is pretty much absent.

Third, the mansions along some stretches of the upper Potomac serve to remind the cranky old guy that he missed the brass ring as far as wealth is concerned.

And finally, Sally Quinn is nuts.

DSH